Post # 1
Hi, looking for opinions/advice. Bit early as not actually set a date yet, but it has been on my mind.
Future father in law is an amateur photographer, mainly taking photos of boats and at country shows. Fiance and I were talking generally about wedding stuff and he said that we should ask his dad to be our wedding photographer as he’d be flattered and would mean a lot to him. I totally understand this, but I’m not keen. There are a few reasons :
1. I want his dad to be able to be there for our wedding, not working.
2. How would we take family photos, and I’d maybe like getting ready photos, but wouldn’t want him seeing me before his son.
3. I am not photogenic, but the best photos of me have been taken by professionals, who are also strangers. Not sure I could relax, especially for romantic shots.
4. He just isn’t a wedding photographer and I’m not enthusiastic about our wedding being a trial.
I was recommended a couple that do video and photos working together, that there is also a family link to, that I was considering.
The bottom line is I don’t want to rely on him to be the photographer, but I’d like to include him, and the last thing I want to do is offend him.
Any thoughts on this would be great. I’m too close to this. To me wedding priorities are actually ceremony, family/friends there, that we have good photos.
Post # 3
No, no, no, no, no.
All your reasons are completely valid. Tell your fiancé how you feel, give the reasons you listed and maybe just give him a sense of how much work is involved.
Post # 4
I would say thanks but no thanks. Just be nice in saying no. I wouldn’t do it either if I were you. You are making the right choice.
Post # 5
Oh and maybe as a compromise you can have his dad take some cutesy engagement photos. You can use them if you like for your save the dates or use it to make your guest book if you like. I think it’s a lot less pressure and you’re still appreciating his talent.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
I don’t think this is a good idea. He wouldn’t be in any family photos and would spend the entire day working and not enjoying the wedding.
Post # 7
You are comletely right, it is a terrible idea!
Post # 8
Someone who takes pictures of boats is not going to know enough about indoor/outdoor/natural/artificial light shifts, and isn’t going to be used to getting the photojounalistic action shots he needs to be comfy with to successfully shoot a wedding.
Even if he wasn’t your FFIL, I would not recommend you use him.
Post # 9
@gingerfrazzle: If he’s not a wedding photographer, then NO! My mom happens to be a professional wedding photographer, and like you, I wanted her to come as my mom and enjoy the wedding. But she INSISTED on taking our pics, and I’m going to let her. But really, if she was not trained as a professional and hadn’t done 300 + weddings, I would not be going for that. I like the idea of him maybe doing some e-pics for you? That way he feels involved?
Post # 10
Thank you all for your comments. Worried I was being selfish and feel a lot better about discussing this knowing unbiased people agree.
Although I don’t think engagement photos are really done here I think it is a good compromise. For all I know the idea of doing the wedding hasn’t crossed his mind and he’d be happy to be asked to do this.
Post # 11
This is a bad idea. Period!
Never do business with friends or family. Especially when it is something as important as your wedding photos. Besides, he has no experience with weddings.
My excuse would be that we wanted him to enjoy the wedding and be a guest.
You will regret it forever if you do it.
Post # 12
Oh a million times no. Imagine your poor fiancé having his Dad direct him in kissing shots etc. ew ew ew
Post # 13
Worst idea in the history of worst ideas.
Post # 14
Nope nope nope nope nope.
Post # 15
I love everyone’s suggestion of having him do some e-pics. Another option might be (depending on what professional photo package you work out eventually) — have him do the getting ready shots for the guys and/or photos from the ceremony set-up. For our wedding, our professional photographer did all the girly getting ready shots, and a very gifted family friend shot tons and tons of images from the setup, and the groom’s party getting ready shots. They were SO MUCH FUN to look through after the wedding, since of course I wasn’t there! This way your FFIL will feel included and important, you’ll have images from the day that you might otherwise not have had, if they suck you won’t mind toooo much, and who knows — because it’s his dad, your fiance might even be able to relax and enjoy those pictures more than if it was a professional taking them!
ETA: In case it wasn’t obvious from my post, though — he should NOT be your primary wedding photographer.
Post # 16
@village_skeptic: Love that idea. It fits well with wanting him to enjoy his sons wedding as a guest while acknowledging his interest in photography. Thank you.
All your comments have been very helpful in confirming I was right all along lol. Thank you 🙂