Future husband may have cancer- I can't keep it together, need advice!

posted 2 years ago in Wellness
Post # 2
42157 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

daisy92:  I am sorry the two of you are having to go through this. It can be overwhelming to deal with the possibility of cancer.

There really is no other option than to take it step by step. He needs you to be with him, listen carefully, take notes if necessary, keep a running list of questions he wants to ask at the next appointment, hold his hand, give him hugs and tell him you love him.

My DH has had cancer and been through surgery. He has been given a clean bill of health.

None of us wants our loved ones to go through this, but not doing the testing and the treatment is a much worse option.

My best wishes and good luck to you and your FI.

Post # 3
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

daisy92:  I can’t say that you don’t have cause for concern on your hands, but just try and breathe until you find out for sure.  I have friend who is in remission from testicular cancer and about a year ago, he thought it came back.  It thankfully turned out to be nothing.  And this is someone who knew what it was like and what to feel for.  He was convinced, and it was a cyst and cyst only.  

Be supportive.  Be proactive.  Support him by just listening.  Listen to his concerns, fears, etc.  Don’t bring up anything to him or do more extensive research w/out him asking b/c that will just lead to more worry.  Good luck, saying a prayer…

Post # 4
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

I’m so sorry! I’ve been close to people who have had cancer so I know the devastation it brings. Being that it is your FI who may have it, you’re obviously going to be upset. HOWEVER, you have to remember that your FI is the one who may have cancerl, not you. Odds are he is probably more upset and worried than you are because it’s his own body and life in discussion. It’s okay to be upset and worried, of course, but your FI is going to rely on you for strength and support. My uncle had cancer and unfortunately died from it (colon, then it spread to his lungs) and my aunt was his biggest supporter – was always there for him and was his personal nurse. It is a daunting task for anyone to take on and I wouldn’t let your mind wander so far down the road when your FI’s cancer isn’t confirmed, but just realize your FI needs your support right now – being upset and visibly shaken is going to make him even more upset. I’m sending you big hugs because this isn’t something people can tell you how to take or react to – cancer, in yourself or in a loved one, is something that has to be dealt with one day at a time. Just take each day as it comes, remember your blessings, and support your FI through whatever happens.

I’m praying for you and your FI!


Post # 5
867 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Try to remember that as scared as you are, he’s even more scared. So you need to be the strong one. Pay attention at doctors appointments, take notes as Pp said, he probably will be too scared to pay attention to the details. I’m so sorry you have to go through this just take one thing at a time, it’s not worth assuming the worst yet and getting all upset when it might turn out to be nothing. *hug*

Post # 6
1499 posts
Bumble bee

I am so sorry you are going through this. Take everything day by day, and while all this stuff will feel heavy and bigger than you, don’t forget to have fun together. Laughing does wonders amidst all the stress and fear. Plan a date day and go do your favourite things, get a nice dinner, see a movie etc. it will help break the fog.


Post # 7
6668 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Testicular cancer has very good survival rates.

Post # 8
2484 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

First off ((HUGGGGSSS))

My dad was diagnosed with stage 3b testicular cancer last August. (There is no stage four testicular cancer) He has been through hell and back trying to fight this cancer. He went through several types of chemo and two stem cell transplants. As of last week though, HE IS IN REMISSION!!! 

It was extremely hard on our family but we decided as a family to stick together and try our hardest to stay positive. I feel like that’s ultimately what got us through all the bad. We tried to live as normal of a life as possible. I know It’s easy to let the pain and worry overwhelm you, but please please try and stay optimistic. Be as supportive as you can be to your FI, because i’m sure he is scared too. I know this is a scary time, but you will find more power and solace in taking charge of this cancer and helping your FI kick it’s ass!!!

Please feel free to message me if you have any questions or just need someone to talk to!

MORE ((HUGS))!!!!!!!!

Post # 9
1595 posts
Bumble bee

Yes it does have good survival rates.  I have a business associate who had testicular cancer about 15 yrs ago.  He had surgery and chemo and was off of work for a few months and has never looked back.   Look at Lance Armstrong.  Yes, it’s scary for both of you, but we all somehow find the strength to do what we have to do.  First things first.  Get the blood work.  Hopefully that will be somewhat reassuring, but if not then take a deep breath and make plans for the surgery.   If chemo needs to be a part of this, deal with that when it becomes a reality. 

If this turns out to be cancer, there are likely support groups out there for you as a caregiver and for him as the patient and it may do you both good to be able to share your concerns and fears with others who are going through it from your perspective … there may just be some things you can’t (yet) say to each other.  

Post # 10
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It’s a frightening diagnosis is cancer and I’m sorry you are going through this. However, what I’d honestly recommend is trying to hold it together until you have a definite diagnosis. If your FH does have testicular cancer then be assured that cancer survival rates are vastly improved, especially for testicular cancer.

Don’t be scared of the treatment either. If chemotherapy is what is needed it is NOT necessarily the awful experience that it was only a few years ago either. Chemo is targetted SPECIFICALLY for different cancers and formulated INDIVIDUALLY for patients. Nowadays oncologists ensure that patients are not made so ill that their chemo has to be stopped because this is counter-productive.

I know this is difficult advice to follow but please, stay off the internet as much as possible or at least only use reliable sources of online information. In the UK, the Macmillan and Cancer Research sites are very sound. In the US, there are similar support groups. Do not terrify yourself by reading the reams of wildly out of date material on the internet. 

Cancer is a journey that nobody wants to take. But be aware that there is support out there and also, that it is not the automatic death sentence that people so often assume. Far from it. 

I am speaking from experience here. This time last year my DH was diagnosed with Stage IV bowel cancer. We truly did not expect him to leave to see our first wedding anniversary which is next week. In fact, his oncologist warned him that without chemotheraphy he had 3 months to live. However, after 9 months of chemo and radiotherapy he is in remission. There are very many other cancer survivors out there. 

Post # 11
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I read somewhere that when things like this happen, think of the sick person add being in the center of a bullseye. Immediate family is in the next ring (you included), friends next, the acquaintences, etc. Then reach outwards from the center for support and comfort, never inwards. I’m sitting in the ICU with my MIL at the moment & am trying to keep that in mind, since I’m extended family in this case.  

It’s like they say on airplanes – you have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help anyone else, and you’ll need support too – just not from him. 

Post # 13
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I just wanted to share my Uncles story, he had the same thing.  He had his testical removed in surgery and stayed in remission from there.  He even went on to father a child though they did have some initial issues.  

If it does come back as cancer, there is a high chance it is treatable so don’t give up hope.  My best wishes to you and your FI.

Post # 14
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

daisy92:  I used to work for a urologist and so long as they caught it early, they can remove his testicle and he will live a long and happy life.  Yes, his fertility will go down a bit but so long as he still has one testicle (and he survives cancer!), he shouldn’t have a problem having children.  It’s disappointing to deal with this right now but the early it’s caught and treated, the higher the survival rate.

My only piece of advice is to get a scond opinion if the doctor decides to biopsy the testicle instead of just removing it altogether.  Testicular cancer is a killer and the doctors I worked for saw it often enough that they refused to biopsy it unless they already had consent for the surgery to remove the entire testicle during the same procedure.  They felt that breaking the “seal” on the tumor led to a higher risk of the cells moving to another location in the body causing the cancer to come back worse later.

Post # 15
1928 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t have experience in this area, but sending lots of thoughts and prayers and internet hugs to you and your FI.  

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