(Closed) Future In-law drama the DAY we get engaged-vent/advice!?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would definitely say something to her, just the two of you. Ask her why she i reacting this way, since you were nothing but happy for them,e ven with having a short engagement. I woudl definitely want it all out in the open. Depending on what she said, will depend on if you want her in the bridal party

Post # 5
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Question – Did she find out about your engagement through facebook? If so, maybe she was upset that you didn’t tell them personally. (not a great excuse, but that might be part of it)

Post # 6
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@FMrs.Hancock2013:  Is it maybe b/c they found out you were engaged over FB and not through a phone call or in person? If that’s the way I found out my BIL was engaged, I probably wouldn’t be happy either. But to each their own.

I would definitely sit down with her and ask her directly why she’s so unhappy with the engagement. 

Post # 7
8359 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

What is the time frame on them stopping talking to you? A day, a week, a month?

Post # 8
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I’m guessing she’s jealous about the ring, or like KitKatNYC wrote, upset that you told her via FB, vs. calling her (if that’s the case.) Why not invite them to do something with you and FI- if  FBIL’s not talking to FH, that needs to be resolved, too.

Post # 9
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

How old are you and your FI?

Post # 10
365 posts
Helper bee

@FMrs.Hancock2013:  What did she say, that was blatantly about you? Does that give you any hints as to what is bothering her?

Post # 11
674 posts
Busy bee

I realize you think it’s mostly on her, but are you close enough to Future Brother-In-Law that you could just let him know that his distance is really hurting his brother?  What if he’s actually the party that quietly wants to pull away because he feels judged or pressured that he couldn’t provide the kind of ring that his brother gave to you?

Regardless of which party may be the main source of discontent, if you do talk to one or both of them, I wouldn’t mention the ring or even the engagement as a potential source of the problem.

Post # 12
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It is possible it could be the facebook thing. My Fiance called his closest friends from home (we moved 800 miles away almost a year ago) but not everyone, since he has lost touch with some people. One person was very hurt to find out that Fiance and I were engaged through the Best Man, and not from Fiance himself. I actually called every single family member myself right after we got engaged and before we went out to eat, since if you tell one person, you’ve told everyone, and we didn’t want anyone to feel like I didn’t call, because there would have been some very hurt feelings.

She could also just be upset about the ring.

I think you Fiance should ask his brother if something is wrong, but, as @LibertyBelle said, don’t mention the engagment as the source of the problem. If it isn’t and you’ve assumed it is, that will make the brother more upset, and if it is, but he wasn’t ready to say so yet, you’ll embarass him and maybe make it worse!

I hope it all works out!

Post # 13
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree that announcing it on Facebook if that’s how they found out is hurtful to say the least. You tell family and close friends in person then you can post something. If that’s what you did then that’s what their rightly upset about. If my family did that I would be hurt and furious. If so you and fi will have some groveling to do!

Post # 15
33 posts
  • Wedding: September 2014

Ask her directly. She is obviousley still carrying guilt over her fiance’s ring return fiasco. Feelings of jelousley are normal, but not supporting a good friend over jelousey is blatently selfish. It’s also a shame to completley remove yourself from someones life for such a silly reason. For the sake of your friendship, talk about. I have found that there is nothing like an engagement ring to bring out a woman’s insecurities.

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