Post # 1
Okay, so first let me give you a little a background on the inlaws i’m having problems with…
Future Brother-In-Law is 24 and his wife is 23…they met the same time me and FH met BUT got engaged within one month of knowing eachother. Then they got married 2/3 months later. He baught her an extremely expensive ring which they couldn’t afford and she had to give it back. Pretty much, Me and my FH have been dating longer than they have been married.
I have gotten pretty close to Future Sister-In-Law and I really liked her. I had talked to her about the future wedding before we got engaged and she always seemed to assume that FH and I would get married. So now onto to the issue….
The day after we got engaged i posted a pic of my ring on FB and changed my status…so many people said congrats and I figured she would too…but she didnt…she posted some immature comment that was blatently about us. They pretty much just stopped talking to us altogether…I don’t understand why she has any right to judge us for becoming engaged…I mean no one said anything bad about their engagement…so why does she have a problem with ours?
I would really like to call her out and figure out what the problem is so we can move past it…I wanted her to be in the wwedding party…but FH doesn’t want to cause a problem but I just want it solved…they are being very disrespectful to my FH and his feelings are hurt. He loves his brother very much and it hurts my feelings when I see him get upset.
I don’t know what to do…should I say something and get all this resolved…or just bite my toungue? any advice?
Post # 3
I would definitely say something to her, just the two of you. Ask her why she i reacting this way, since you were nothing but happy for them,e ven with having a short engagement. I woudl definitely want it all out in the open. Depending on what she said, will depend on if you want her in the bridal party
Post # 5
Question – Did she find out about your engagement through facebook? If so, maybe she was upset that you didn’t tell them personally. (not a great excuse, but that might be part of it)
Post # 6
@FMrs.Hancock2013: Is it maybe b/c they found out you were engaged over FB and not through a phone call or in person? If that’s the way I found out my BIL was engaged, I probably wouldn’t be happy either. But to each their own.
I would definitely sit down with her and ask her directly why she’s so unhappy with the engagement.
Post # 7
What is the time frame on them stopping talking to you? A day, a week, a month?
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I’m guessing she’s jealous about the ring, or like KitKatNYC wrote, upset that you told her via FB, vs. calling her (if that’s the case.) Why not invite them to do something with you and FI- if FBIL’s not talking to FH, that needs to be resolved, too.
Post # 9
How old are you and your FI?
Post # 10
@FMrs.Hancock2013: What did she say, that was blatantly about you? Does that give you any hints as to what is bothering her?
Post # 11
I realize you think it’s mostly on her, but are you close enough to Future Brother-In-Law that you could just let him know that his distance is really hurting his brother? What if he’s actually the party that quietly wants to pull away because he feels judged or pressured that he couldn’t provide the kind of ring that his brother gave to you?
Regardless of which party may be the main source of discontent, if you do talk to one or both of them, I wouldn’t mention the ring or even the engagement as a potential source of the problem.
Post # 12
It is possible it could be the facebook thing. My Fiance called his closest friends from home (we moved 800 miles away almost a year ago) but not everyone, since he has lost touch with some people. One person was very hurt to find out that Fiance and I were engaged through the Best Man, and not from Fiance himself. I actually called every single family member myself right after we got engaged and before we went out to eat, since if you tell one person, you’ve told everyone, and we didn’t want anyone to feel like I didn’t call, because there would have been some very hurt feelings.
She could also just be upset about the ring.
I think you Fiance should ask his brother if something is wrong, but, as @LibertyBelle said, don’t mention the engagment as the source of the problem. If it isn’t and you’ve assumed it is, that will make the brother more upset, and if it is, but he wasn’t ready to say so yet, you’ll embarass him and maybe make it worse!
I hope it all works out!
Post # 13
I agree that announcing it on Facebook if that’s how they found out is hurtful to say the least. You tell family and close friends in person then you can post something. If that’s what you did then that’s what their rightly upset about. If my family did that I would be hurt and furious. If so you and fi will have some groveling to do!
Post # 14
Ok so to answer some of your questions, she pretty much said something to the effect of “wow why can’t people do their own thing and copy my life…i know your jealous but jeez” the reason I have a feeling that this is about me is due to the fact that we had talked about the fact that FH’s other brother and his wife got together aorund the same time they did but just got married a few months ago, and Future Sister-In-Law thinks they only got married due to the fact that that’s what they did. Totally immature stuff.
Also my FH had talked to his bro about how he was buying me a ring and he figured he knew what it was for.
The time frame that they stopped talking to us prettty much, he gave me the ring on Tuesday, they found out wednesday, and then he just stopped calling FH. Which he used to call like three times a day. They had come over to FMIL’s house while we were there on Saturday and didn’t speak a word. Now she is mouthing other stuff about highschool drama and immature stuff on facebook….i.e. i posted a status and she just commented on it trying to start a fight.
I’m trying to be as mature as i possibly can but man its so hard to not retaliate back…FH still doesnt want a confrentation.
What to do?
Post # 15
Ask her directly. She is obviousley still carrying guilt over her fiance’s ring return fiasco. Feelings of jelousley are normal, but not supporting a good friend over jelousey is blatently selfish. It’s also a shame to completley remove yourself from someones life for such a silly reason. For the sake of your friendship, talk about. I have found that there is nothing like an engagement ring to bring out a woman’s insecurities.