(Closed) Future In Law Drama…VENT please help!!!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

 I’m sorry you have to deal with this.  I have a Great Aunt that likes to make things up about family members and then tell everyone her “gossip” at parties.  I generally just make sure that the important people know that isn’t true.  I honestly don’t even bothering trying to talk to her, but I do make sure my Grandmother knows it isn’t true (and she’ll usually talk to her sister, my Great Aunt about it afterward).

 Luckily I haven’t had to deal with an ENTIRE family that makes things up, just the one Great Aunt.  All I know is that if you don’t invite his family, the rumor mill will get even worse.   Hopefully someone who has had to deal with a similar situation will be able to help out better.  I’d say to talk to the person who you told the information to and ask how it turned into what it did.  But you said you’ve done that in the past and it hasn’t helped.

Post # 4
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

WOW! Thats horrible. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. My future in-laws like to gossip to a point, they never make things up about other people though, just discuss things going on with other people. Sometimes that gets annoying, I love his family, all super sweet, but I don’t want to hear about so and so.

Post # 6
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

That sounds like a horrible situation! I would say you should include his family despite the ill feelings, to show you aren’t a gold digger trying to get them out of his life. Make it clear to his dad that no money from his ex wife will be used for the wedding (even though it’s none of his business) and explain you can see his concern but it’s just not the case. I feel if you simply cut them out, it will be hurtful to your fiance and will further spread these horrible rumors. Although, you don’t need to explain your finances  to anyone, not tackling the issues head on and in a productive way may be detrimental. Try and remain positive and kill with kindness. You don’t need to suck up (and you shouldn’t) but not backing down and being positibe will dispel the rumors faster than you may think.

I hope things work out! and im sure in the end they will. Good luck 🙂

Post # 7
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Well if this venting doesn’t sound anymore like my FIL! I know exactly how you feel. It is very stressing when trying to decide on how to invite. I don’t want to invite my FI Father and Sister, They simply have not wished either of us well and have asked him several times if he is making the right decision! It is very Hurtful. Why would you want someone at your wedding that just makes up rumors and it very hateful! Good luck with every thing and everyone. I hope you have a wonderful wedding despite the rumors!

Post # 8
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My FFIL thinks I’m a gold digger.  Which is laughable, because FI is a Carer and will never be rich, and doesn’t have any inheritance, etc!

He thinks it because I had a nervous breakdown last year and didn’t work for 9 months.  FI wasn’t even living with me then, and I paid all my own bills, rent, etc.  FI would help out with food money when he came up to visit.  That was it.

My mother comes from a family of insane gossipers….exactly the same as your situation, they take a fact and blow it out of all proportion.  I cut them out of my life 20 years ago.  I’d suggest you do the same, and let your FI deal with them.  They aren’t your responsibility.

@Jben0813:  My FFIL asked my FI if he ‘actually loved me’…when we’d been engaged for over a year.   And now FI wonders why I dislike the man intensely.

Post # 9
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

That’s difficult. How does your FI feel about it? I’m not sure if you’re serious about not inviting them to the wedding, but that would be pretty damaging to the relationship. If it were me, I would just try to limit my contact with them to small talk but not cut them out of my life. 

Post # 10
Member
6 posts
Newbee

@NurseMandie:  I would be polite, but refuse to discuss anything. If they have nothing to discuss they cannot gossip.  Get married, live your own life.  Have a lovely wedding.

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