- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
This is actually my first post. So yay me!
I am happily engaged to the love of my life. We’re due to tie the knot on Aug 18.
The day my fiance proposed I was told I was being deployed to Egypt for 12-14 months. We decided that was fine and we’d get married after the deployment. The trip fell through (thank heavens) so we decided that after my FH graduated from college we would move, get settled, and then have a cute wedding with about 50 people in attendance. My Future Mother-In-Law told us that maybe we should get married before we moved to save time, stress, and money. I agreed and we moved the date to late May 2012. This didn’t work for her, AFTER we had the okay for the date, so we moved it to June 9 2012. We came to find out later that date didn’t work out for my Future Sister-In-Law (also one of my three bridesmaids) so we had to call all our friends and family a second time to tell them the date was still in the air. My maternal grandparents, who haven’t never exactly been fans of my family, decided they weren’t going to come to the wedding and booked a cruise. Tough luck, me. We changed the date AGAIN and are stuck in this little town another 3months.
Later that same week while I was still reeling from the shock that my grandparents really don’t care, my Future Sister-In-Law started texting my fiance saying that we don’t care about her, he loves me more than the family, yadda yadda yadda. I am an understanding girl. I get it. She’s upset that she’s not in charge of her little brother. She sent more texts about how awful a person I am, etc. She also said, I might not even show up. Fine. My feelings were incredibly hurt. So I asked my fiance to tell her she’s not in the wedding party anymore. I don’t feel that I should have to spend the happiest day of my life catoring to a 24 year old girl who cannot let go and seems to think talking trash about me and my love is justified.
Bless his heart, my fiance hates confrontation. He put off telling his sister too long and she became really hurt, understandably. Now she’s out for blood. She’s currently living at home with her parents so all they hear is how evil I am. She’s on depression medication making her the victim and I’m automatically the villain.
Meanwhile his parents aren’t being too supportive either. They view my fiance as a 15 year old boy still. He’s not. He’s a young man that they should at least fein respect for. They have been demanding conference calls with us to chew us both out for not having a plan (we do), not being serious about this wedding (we are) not understanding why we’re getting married in a Catholic Church (I’m Catholic and he’s nondenominational, my family goes to church every Sunday and I feel it’s out of respect for them for paying for the entire wedding). The list keeps growing and the things added are superficial and sometimes straight out rumors.
I’m not being accused of saying that as soon as we’re married I want to sever all ties with his family. They blame me for my Future Sister-In-Law depresson, my fiances relationship problems with his family, say that I’m ‘talking sh!t, and that I’m manipulative.
My fiance and his sister have not spoken on the phone for about 2 weeks (doctors orders). Yesterday she started texted him saying that he didn’t want to speak to her, he said he had a final to go to, she started calling him a liar. I assumed since she was calling him out for not talking that they were supposed to be talking. I encouraged him to just call her, tell her he loves her, and be supportive, and that I’d go outside and sit on our porch. What I thought would be a quick touch-base turned into a 45 min long fight (he missed his final). I came back in to get my phone to call my mom just to shoot the breeze and my fiance was getting off the phone with his sister. We talked for about 10min about what was said and how he felt and what he thinks they should do. My Future Mother-In-Law called my fiance and started screaming at him for talking to his sister. My phone started ringing. My fiances father who has never called my phone ones was on the other line and the first thing he said to me was ‘you’d better stop running your mouth’. I calmly told him I didn’t know what he meant and that I had been sitting outside through almost their entire conversation. I started crying. I went and sat out in my car while he talked with his parents for 45 min because I didn’t want them to accuse me of putting words in his mouth.
He came outside and said they demanded to have, yet another, conference call chew out. I start to talk and his mother would talk over. I would talk again and she’d start saying things like Oh really, That’s not what I heard. I got fed up, I’m not going to be talked to that way, and walked to the park. My fiance followed me with his phone in hand and his parents screaming at me to SPEAK MY MIND.
This lasted for 3 hours. I never spoke to them but he kept them on the line while be begged and pleaded with me. I know I sound stubborn but if they’re already making accusations against me and I’ve done NOTHING what are they going to twist whatever I have to say into. They want me to ‘tell them every problem I have with them’. I don’t have any problems with them, I just wish they’d chill out and back off. My fiance seems incabable of telling them to back off.
They want to talk this afternoon and I’ve pretty much taken the stance of martyr because I’m sick of my fiance crying, pulling his hair out, and stressing over the people who are supposed to support him. I’m mad because I feel like this is my only option and that this has set the tone for my relationship with my Father-In-Law for the rest of my life.
What do I do? This can’t be a problem that is set only for me. HELP?