- 5 years ago
Please bare with me. 🙁
I’ve been dating my fiance for about 3years. We’re from different English speaking countries and met living abroad. His mum came to visit us for 3 weeks when we were living abroad. I was busy with school, working late hours, was sick, dealing with homesickness as a relative across the pond was dying (I lived abroad because there was no other way I could be with my future spouse because of visas etc or else I’d be home) so I didn’t get to spend much time with her when she visited. I apologized to my boyfriend’s mum once I heard she was unhappy for miscommunications and for not making her feel “welcome” as I was never home or studying etc. I of course went out with boyfriend nad his mom quite a few times during her visit, often had meals together, and actually gave her as much time as I could. I even had to drop one of my classes I was stressed out and didn’t have enough time to study for but anyway long story short she came to visit at a bad time when I didn’t have a lot of free time. She has held it against me to this day and not sure if she ever accepted my apologies. She continiously wrote hate e-mails to my then boyfriend about all of these made up circumstances she didn’t like about me. For instance, I maybe had to eat a meal quickly to make it to work in time or when I said “excuse me” I was being rude??. She made up silly things and held them against me. Then when I apologize and try to explain she doesn’t speak to my face and tells my boyfriend behind my back she knows better and that she is the all knowing wizard of oz and everything she says is accurate. She’s absolutely positive there were no misunderstandings between her and I and I was always in the wrong. Fiance and I are so confused cos we don’t even understand her complaints.
Then about 9 months after her visit I went to visit boyfriend in his home country. He invited me over for 7 weeks because he wanted me to get a feel for his country to see if I could live there someday. He said he spoke with his mum and it was fine for me to stay. I decided to give things a second chance becuase his mum has never confronted me with any problems and is nice to me when I am around. His mum is two faced. She acts super nice on the outside but deep down she doesn’t like me. Through out my stay in my boyfriend’s country my boyfriend’s mom would often tell my boyfriend behind my back how I wasn’t being open enough or as outgoing as I should be??. But literally I was living with them and instead of travelling and exploring their country I mostly helped around the house painting their deck, doing yard work, helping with dinner, dishes etc. I wasn’t completely myself because I knew how she takes things the wrong way and was very cautious to try to not do anything wrong in her eyes. I even spent hours showing her photos of my whole family and home. How is that not being open? Let’s just say after my 7 week visit I was happy to go home to my family.
Luckily my boyfriend was able to come to my country and we’ve been living with my family for over a year now. My family loves my boyfriend and although he is not perfect they get over misunderstandings like any normal person. Now that my fiance is living in my country and we are engaged my fiances mom repeatedly tells my fiance over skype how she does not approve of his relationship with me and won’t even discuss our wedding but she loves to bring up the past and made up instances to put me down.
My fiance tried to “start over” and tell his mom that she wasn’t loosing him and soon we will be in his country (in 4-5 years) and how he loves keeping in touch with her over skype and e-mail and looks forward to his next visit home. She shot him back more e-mails about how much she hates me and doesn’t approve but is just going to have to “grin” and “bare it” when she is around me i.e. be two faced, be nice to me when she sees me, but deep down she hates my guts. 🙁 Not only is she abusing my boyfriend, but she’s not respecting him or his feelings. He just wants her support and to work out what’s wrong. I in no way am a hateful or mean person. I just am so confused. I feel so bad for my future spouse. I just want to make everything better between his mom and I but she wants nothing to do with it. Weirdly enough, my fiance is going home for 2 weeks in a couple days. His mom is looking forward to seeing him and continously e-mails him about stuff they can do at his home, place to visit etc. My fiance has gotten to the point where he isn’t looking forward to going home and he feels as though his mother is not respecting him at all. She thinks it’s ok for her to put me down and “hate” me for no apparent reason without trying to sort things out and just wants to continue the loving relationship she once had with her son. My fiance is trying to stay strong and tell his mom he’s not happy and things need to be sorted out but she more or less laughs in his face and changes the subject. So now he has stopped e-mailling and skyping her. Nothing makes her happy and we can’t please her. Any advice for him or me? I don’t want to make things worse…. just wish I could fix whatever she is unhappy about. :(I just don’t know how he is going to handle this situation with his mum at home in person. Luckily we are having the wedding in my country. She was planning on coming over, but she won’t be welcome in my parent’s house if she continuously acts like this. 🙁