- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
The Background: SO and I have been dating for 4.5 years. Engagement is in the next 6 months, though I’m not sure he’s had a discussion with either set of parents (mine and his) yet, but I know that’s still the plan for him. We met at college, which is 10 hours from his hometown. Over the course of our relationship, I have gone up and visited with his family at least 4-5 times, though only for a week or so at a time. Even after years of dating seriously, I never felt comfortable in their home. They would not be mean, but they would not be welcoming, and I found often that his mother had backhanded compliments or after the fact, she’d tell SO that my opinionated nature means that I “control” him (he’s rather soft spoken and easygoing, so I guess it looks that way in comparison) or that I have “strange word choice.” After I asked SO to confront his parents about this, because clearly I’m not going anywhere, she just said something along the lines of, “she’s not who I pictured you with,” but could not even describe who would be ideal for her son. She just said, “I feel the way I feel,” and SO dropped it, because he was like, what am I to say? I can’t just magically change her opinion. However, feeling as though I am judged by everything I say or do, I don’t even feel comfortable going to visit anymore, which makes it even more impossible for them to “get to know me,” which SO says they need to do in order to change their incorrect opinions of me. Sorry this is long. I won’t go into specific instances.
I am set to move in with SO later this year, and I am very excited! I believe his parents know this is the plan, and so far, I haven’t heard anything negative through the grapevine. I am visiting SO this week (we’re doing grad school in different areas of the country) and his parents are suddenly coming down to visit him/me tomorrow, and SO says it’s because “they’re trying to make an effort” to get to know me. Still, it makes me so nervous. I try to be conversational, but that comes out being that I talk too much. I talk too little, and I’m antisocial. I try to be helpful, it is perceived as trying to be controlling. I just can’t win, it feels like. Luckily, we’r enot going to their house, but we’re going out to dinner. Other than being polite, dressing nicely, and being me, there’s nothing else I can do.
Any ideas, bees? Anyone with an older (60+) New England born and bred Mother-In-Law who was slow to warm to them, especially if they weren’t from New England themselves (though we are both similar in religion, race, etc). At this point, what else can I do? I’m hoping a formal engagement, they’ll play nice.