Post # 1
Please tell me if I am being really unreasonable here?
Fh and I don’t have a set plan for holidays, except we go to my family’s house at Xmas (the inlaws don’t celebrate Xmas and we do).
For the past few years, the in laws gave up doing anything for Thanksgiving (their choice) as they no longer want to do the big meal, plus FH and his siblings no longer live nearby (we were willing to travel,the siblings could not). So, FH and I went to my family’s house.
Now the in laws requested an invite to my family’s thanksgiving. I am not hosting the dinner, and I think its bad form to request an invite to someone’s house who doesn’t know you. Future Mother-In-Law has also said she is jealous of us spending time there and wants to tell her friends she is doing something for the holiday.
The thing is, I HATE navigating social situations like this, I am terrified that they will be also invited for other holidays. The inlaws are super sensitive and easily offended. I don’t want to play social director/referee/diplomat at T-giving. I literally feel my heart race and my stomach gets queasy when I think about it.
Help, am I a big jerk for turning them down or not inviting them? I would be perfectly willing to visit them and just eat take out or pizza but they won’t have it.
Post # 3
So your inlaws don’t know your parents? I think holidays are a good time for families to get aquainted and become closer.
Post # 4
I’m having a hard time with the fact that it’s hard for you to suggest to your parents that it would be a lovely gesture to invite your future inlaws. Maybe I’m not understanding something.
Post # 5
If they’ve never met, this sounds like a good way to get them together for a day or two!! Also, of course your Future Mother-In-Law is going to be jealous/hurt if all her children spend major holidays with their significant others and their families – imagine what it’ll be like when you have kids and you have to spend holidays on your own!
This has been a bit of an issue between myself and my fiance too – but we’ve compromised by having one year Easter with his family/Christmas with mine, then reversing it for the next year. Everyone’s happy, and there’s no arguments 🙂
@kerensa: “I would be perfectly willing to visit them and just eat take out or pizza but they won’t have it.”
I’m from Australia, so don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, but isn’t there traditionally a huge meal involved? I’d feel a bit offended if someone said “Don’t come around to my family’s for the party, I’ll come over to yours and we can have a pizza!”
Unless you’re genuinely concerned that they won’t get along to the extent that there will be a huge scene, I think you should ask your parents if it’s okay, all you have to do is say “Hey mum and dad, fiance’s parents aren’t doing anything for Thanksgiving and I feel kinda bad for them, do you mind if we invite them this year?”
Post # 6
@punkin83: I guess I am taking the easy way out, I want to sit back and enjoy the holiday and not run interference between the two sets of parents. I don’t want to have to warn everyone who’s invited to mind their p’s and q’s, not to make any off color jokes, not to make loud noises, to be on their absolute best behavior. And if something goes wrong I don’t want anyone to feel that we ruined the holiday or that we have to apologize for the next 5 years for any perceived transgressions.
Post # 7
Your parents and your in-laws have to meet at some point, right?
Just ask your parents if it’s okay to invite them, and maybe suggest to the in-laws that they contribute a side dish or bring wine or something in return.
They’re adults… are they that bad that they need to be told to use their inside voices?