Post # 1
My fiancé’s parents are really pushing for us to sign a prenup. I always said I’d never sign one, it would just feel like a when we get divorced this is what you get. I don’t really believe in divorce. My parents had a very messy divorce and I said I’d never do it.
Tonight my fiancé went to dinner with his parents after work, and they offered him a bribe if we had one…a new car. We’re a one car household and could benefit from a 2nd car, but I don’t want to give into what I believe just to make everyone happy.
My fiance would only being doing it to make his parents happy about it as well. We’re less then two month from our wedding and I know my father wouldn’t let me sign it without having a lawyer go over it with a fine tooth comb.
Edit: this probably doesn’t really need a post, but we’re both in shock over the bribe and I could tell he was really thinking about it, and I needed to get it off my chest.
Post # 3
Whoah!! That’s intense! Talk about a slap in the face. How inappropriate of them. It’s completely uncalled for for parents to be meddling in such private matters. I would be so offended! I would probably resent the new car if we were to get it, and would never want to even drive it because of what it represents.
You don’t believe in divorce, therefore, it’s probably also against your values to be signing something like a prenup. That’s a decision to be made solely by you and FH, no one else. And it sounds like signing it is not a choice you’d ever be making on your own. Don’t do it.
Post # 4
Are they that wealthy in which they are worried about the financial situation in the future?
Also…..Have you asked his parents WHY they want the pre-nup? Maybe if you understand their reasoning behind it you may be a little more understanding? I don’t think them bribing him w/ a new car is at all appropriate though…
Post # 5
that was very low class of them to bribe him like that, what a slap in the face?? I am shocked that your future hubby would even consider this. That was so inappropiate of them and it is none of their business if u and your hubby get a prenup or not! I would be livid if this went down with me—To be honest for them to push this it is almost like they are telling their son that you are up for his money or that it will not last. Your future hubby needs to be on your side and do you both see eye to eye on this? usually couples discuss this b4 marriage as it can be a deal breaker for some. If he honestly does not want it then he needs to put his parents in check krespectfully.
Post # 6
First of all: To those that have said its not the IL’s business “at all” I have to completely disagree. They may have a family business or large inheritance that they are planning on giving their son. It is their business to ensure that this is safe and in the family and if something were to happen it would be documented how it would be split up.
I agree with @MrsJKH2be: You should try to understand why they want you to sign this.
Remember a pre-nup can also be for future assets and can be just as important as documenting who gets what.
Obviously a car is nice, but it is a bribe. It shouldn’t sway your decision. However, I do believe that you need to understand better what their thoughts are and why they are pushing for this so hard.
You also do need to get your own laywer!
Remember, a pre-nup could actually end up being a very good thing, if for whatever reason something did happen in the relationship.
Post # 7
The in-laws are out of line with the bribe. Even if they have reasons for wanting the pre-nup, that’s pretty low.
Having said that, I have to say I don’t think the pre-nup is a big deal. I know you’re offended by what it represents, and I totally understand why. But on the other hand, if you don’t believe in divorce then it’s a meaningless document and signing it will shut everyone up. Plus at this point, it’ll shut them up and get you a second car.
It sucks and you don’t want your in-laws thinking of you that way. But in time they’ll see you’re in it for the long haul and they worried about nothing. And you’ll be laughing in your car when they do.
Post # 8
I agree that the in-laws may just be trying to protect large assets that they don’t want to leave the family and I think that’s a fair position for them to have (although the bribe was totally not cool). As long as you have your own lawyer look over the doc and it protects your interests as well I don’t think it’s a big deal. As a child of what you called a messy divorce I would think that you would have an understanding that some times unexpected things happen (you can’t just not believe in divorce.. I’m quite sure there are things that could happen that would make you change your position. Cheating? Abuse?) and it’s good to be prepared for them. Perhaps your parents divorce would have been a lot less messy if they hada prenup in place.
Post # 9
What’s the big deal? In today’s day and age…I think a pre-nup could be good. There are alot of people that try to take things that don’t belong to them just out of spite. The things you aquire as a couple, need to be split. But if one party goes into it with tons of money, property or what ever…then that should be theirs IF they split up. The other party had nothing to do with it before you were together. Also, if it is something that was handed down from generation to generation, it is best to keep it that way. I’d take the car and sign the pre-nup. If you don’t plan to get a divorce…what’s the big deal? I’d think it was a bigger deal if you planned to get a divorce and take everything. IMO
Post # 10
I don’t know much about prenups, but if your parents had a messy divorce, wouldnt it have been made easier with a prenup that already detailed how things would be divided? Obviously no one goes into a marriage believing that it could fail, maybe even people who ‘dont believe in divorce’. There’s always some people that get surprised and end up having one, whether they believe in it or not. Thats still not to say that if you two don’t want it, that you should get one anyways, but I could understand why the ILs may want one. There’s always taht .00001% just in case. Hell, I’d probably take the car, get a good laywer, and then prove to them there was no need to sign that prenup… but that’s just the side of me wanting the car. I thought I saw that inheritance and stuff arent considered marital property and is not part of divorce settlements anyways so what are they worried about?
Post # 11
The “bribe” aspect *is* kind of tasteless, I agree.
But I’m really pro pre-nup, so I don’t get what’s so offensive about the idea of signing one. If you’re sure you’re never going to need it, then sign it, stick it in a safe deposit box somewhere, and never give it another thought.
I don’t think they’re unromantic at all, or that it means the two of you aren’t committed to your marriage–I think it’s kind of sweet: you both sign something that says “I love you so much I’m willing to sign away my ability to be an a$$hole.”
Post # 12
Can you draft the prenup to give you the car if you get divorced? That would be a slap in the face to them. And I guess I can understand their concern if they have a lot of assets that will be passed down to their son, but I still can’t wrap my head around these things. I know divorce is ugly, everyone in my parents generation in our families have been divorced at least once. But it still says to me that you think it’s a possibility for us and I just don’t like that.
Post # 13
And BTW, I am the one to receive a large inheritance and my parents never once mentioned the word to me. It’s a combination of them leaving those thoughts to me and having a LOT of faith in my realtionship with DH.
Post # 14
Bribary in any situation is foolish and inconsiderate (but you already knew that). In the case of a pre-nup it’s ironic, because it technically adds to the question of distribution of assets.
I’m absolutely in favor of prenuptial agreements when and if they are necessary. For family business, trusts or estates, and caretaker agreements (i.e. potential future offspring’s welfare) I think they’re essential and can be written to protect the interests of everyone involved.
I’m currently on the fence, because I *should* take my own advice and have one drawn up, but like many others my emotional distaste for anything involving divorce is getting in the way.
When I’m thinking rationally and logistically, I understand that pre-up does not equal divorce. Most people get them and never, ever use them or even think about it. But remember, marriage is legally binding, and if there are good reasons for your future in-laws to ask for one, I would consider it. I do agree that you need solid legal representation and a review of the document.
Post # 15
I am on the same page as @ Encore.
Post # 16
I hear this a lot, that someone “doesn’t believe in divorce” and it drives me crazy but I usually stay quite because whatever its none of my business. So sorry for the off topic explosion.
But seriously, divorce isn’t like elves – it exists its not something that needs to be believed in.
Are you saying that if your husband was hurting your children you would stay with him? That if he cheated and refused to stop cheating and swore he loved someone else you would stay with him? Not to mention that in most states you probably can not stop him from obtaining a divorce whether or not you want to give it to him.
Yes, of course your guy would never do any of those things – but human beings are unpredictable and you can only control yourself not the person you are marrying.
On the other hand – bribery sucks. Depending on their reasons I would ignore his parents. I might draft a pre nup anyways and keep it a secret from them but I’m spiteful like that.