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I think for the most part you have to just let this go. They have no obligation to spend their money on you. If they would rather go on four vacations than pay for a rehearsal dinner for you guys, you just have to accept that they are allowed to spend their money however they want. What is annoying though is that they are complaining that YOU aren't paying for a shuttle for THEM. My in laws wanted a shuttle so no one had to think about drinking, so they paid for it. Not just for themselves but for everyone at the wedding. They didn't expect us or my parents to pick up the tab for something they wanted on the wedding day. If they complain further about you not spending money on something just say "We are providing everything that we are able to afford. If there is something additional that you are looking for, you are welcome to discuss it with us if you are willing to pay for it." End of discussion.
I'd be grouchy too, if they were able to do all that other stuff then complain about not being able to pay for anything for the wedding. (I'd also be complaining about that to my FI, lol).
I second what @Moose1209: said about talking to them and saying if they want the shuttle, they can pay for it.
Personally, I can totally see us having problems with my FI's parents because we're not having a traditional wedding. (We're gonna be as far from that as you can imagine, lol, except for a few of the "traditional" things like bouquet/garter toss.) The problem WE can see if the exact opposite: they'll want to pay for stuff, we're going to refuse because if we accept their offer, it'll give them the right to say what goes and how.
Perhaps you and your FI can talk about a good resolution about this and HE can talk to his parents? Or all of you can have a sit-down and talk it out. Explain you can't afford it, it isn't right for THEM to demand it of YOUR parents and that there has to be a reasonable, logical, and FAIR solution. (Drop subtle hints that they pay for what THEY want to use, like the shuttle...)
Good advice in the above posts.
Only one thing I would take issue with-Do not complain to your fiance.
I am sure he already feels bad enough that his parents are not helping financially.
I totally understand your frustration, I have a similar frustration with my mom and stepdad...not regarding my wedding, but just in general. They frequently complain about not having enough money for important things (like paying off credit cards, buying life insurance, you know...big stuff) but they go on many many vacations every year and buy brand new macbook laptops and rip out their front and backyards and put in new ones. I just want to scream at them because it's so irresponsible--and I don't want to hear you complain if you're choosing to spend your money on other things! So I do get why you're frustrated. I really really do. But @moose1209 is right...you have to let this go because they are under no obligation to spend any of their money on your wedding. They should, however, keep their mouths shut about what they want in regards to your wedding unless they're willing to budget their money and put it towards a shuttle or something else they think is important. If they won't, then they don't get to complain, and I think it's fine for you to kindly point that out to them.
ooh I know how you feel! Just be supportive to your FI and instead of venting to him, feel free to vent here :)
I second Ryna's advice about your FI talking to them- they really can't demand anything from you.
I definitely have tried not to complain too much to my FI because I know he feels guilty and almost embarrassed that his parents won't help out.
I just tell myself, oh well. If they make suggestions, I think about it, but really do what the FI and I want. Not trying to be snobby, but I am beyond just doing things to be nice and accomodating.
Thanks for your suggestions everyone!
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To start off, I love my future in-laws and am so greatful that they are great people. I've heard some pretty bad stories about inlaws.
Anyways, FI and I went into this wedding planning on paying for everything. Although, we definitely aren't wealthy, I think we are going to have a really nice wedding. My parents gave us a good amount of cash towards our wedding and even offered to host the bridal shower. On the other hand, FI parents keep complaining they don't have the money to help out (we never asked). They want to help with the bridal shower, but not financially. So I let my parents be the judge on that. They also are complaining that we aren't hiring a shuttle to take them from their hotel to the venue on the wedding day. (We can't afford it.) FI and I were stuck with paying for the rehearsal dinner, too, but we just couldn't swing it. So my parents once again picked up the tab.
I'm not expecting anything from FI's parents, but I can't stand how they say they are soooo tight on money and can't help us out at all, but yet they have gone on 4 vacations this year. They also helped to pay for other people to go on vacation with them. In addition, they bought a new camper and truck. They knew about this wedding for over a year. They support us being together and getting married, but they can be difficult sometimes. I know my FI feels bad sometimes that his parents aren't helping out and aren't as ecstatic about this wedding as my parents are. (This is my parent's first child's wedding. His brother and sister have been married)