Future In Laws….. stressing me out!!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Well, it’s their money, and technically they can say what it is used for. It is traditional for the groom’s family to pay for the rehearsal dinner, so I can see why they might think their money should be used for that.




I think you should plan the wedding that you can afford, at this moment. Promises of money aren’t the same as actually having it in the bank. If you are relying on your in-laws to pay for something in the future without actually having the money, then I would plan as if you don’t actually have it. 




It’s uncomfortable for some families to talk about money. You are your FI should sit down, make a detailed budget of all wedding costs, (including RD) and show it to your inlaws. If they are comfortable paying the $7,000 still, let them sign the catering contract so they will be responsible for it. If they want to pay for the rehearsal dinner with that money, well, that’s their prerogative. Money (usually) comes with strings attached, sorry. Your other option is to not accept any of their money and pay for everything yourself.


Post # 4
8847 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@sarals24:  +1

It’s their money, and technically it’s traditional for the groom’s parents to pay for the rehearsal dinner.  The fact that they’re willing to do that plus a LOT more is really quite generous of them.  I understand that you feel a little blindsided, but to be honest you sound pretty entitled here…  

They may not want to talk directly to you about money.  People can be a little funny and private about money.  I’d have your fiance get a detailed description of their “terms” for giving you the money, and then you can see if it’s acceptable.

Post # 5
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

are your parents contributing at all?

FI’s parents might feel like “hey I’m shelling out all this cash and the other side isn’t doing anything”

Groom’s side –> rehearsal dinner

Bride’s side —> wedding/reception

traditionally that is.

Post # 6
135 posts
Blushing bee

I think the rehearsal dinner reflects most on the groom’s parents, so it’s okay that they have a grand vision for it.  I think it was totally stupid of them to not explain from the get-go that the money they were contributing was meant for that purpose.  You’ll have to explain the mix-up if the money was already spent on the venue.  Messy and I feel for you.

I don’t think you should cheap out on the rehearsal dinner if your bridal party pays for their own dresses, travels multiple times, or throws you a shower.  It’s supposed to be a way to thank them, so it’s not really cool to cut costs there.

Post # 8
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014


Can you push the wedding back? So you guys can earn back the $$ meant for the rehearsal dinner and put it into the rehearsal dinner? Your wedding is pretty far off, STDs and invites haven’t been sent out yet.

I know they didn’t tell you what to spend it on before you already did but they will be pretty upset if they don’t get the rehearsal dinner they want

Pushing it back I’m sure you can still get the date, time for all the vendors since you already gave them deposits.

Post # 10
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014


0% APR credit cards for 21 months offer, open it 2 or 3 months before a wedding if you have good credit (tier 1) can get approved easily

During my moves for my FI career changes, relocation bonuses or sign on bonuses weren’t initially given until 2-3 paychecks in so we had to figure out how to have enough $$ for 1st, last month rent (being young 23 people don’t want to rent to you) as well as high deposits all in cash

All moving expenses (1500+) as well as hotel stay etc were put on a credit card that had a long expiration date. We were able to pay it completely off once we had the money when he started working and got the relocation $$ in his next checks.

Check to see which vendors take credit cards and which ones don’t and try to get them to take credit card for most. 

Private vendors usually don’t take credit card but they might take paypal as well which also uses a credit card. 

We booked a lot of our things on credit card and got a lot of reward points too, and were able to pay it off. The only sucky thing is we don’t really use the credit card after we’re done with it and its just a line of credit thats open that I’d rather have on a frequent flyer card or something else but I don’t want to get credit checked that many times in a year. 

Post # 12
6446 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

They’re paying so I think they should get a bit of a say when it comes to some of the planning. I also suggest pulling in the reigns a bit with the spending if you don’t have their money in your hands already. What if they back out or can’t save enough? You should be planning based on the money you know you will have.

Post # 13
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MrsConnolly2bee:  forgot to add, some bees might not like this but its not really debt if you’re not paying interest and you have the time and resources to pay it off eventually. Some credit cards might not be so friendly to give you 21 months like my BOA or Freedom but they will at least do 6 months of an introductory offer.



Post # 14
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MrsConnolly2bee:  You have all that out a year in advance??……

Anyway, I think you need to get the second job then or find a way to raise the money. Since it is their money they probably think that should go towards it. Or I would wait until your wedding gets closer as it is pretty far off to even think about a rehearsal dinner.

By the way, I am really nervous for you. If they are dictating this money now, what happens if they back out or say a certain portion of that has to go elsewhere? It probably wasn’t a good idea to accpet that until check was in hand.

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