Post # 1
i’m having a bit of a battle with myself and i could really use some help and advise. my future in-laws (brothers and sisters included) are wonderful people and i love them all dearly. my fiance and i are having a bit of a battle because he feels i dislike them because i don’t want them staying with us the week of our wedding. i feel like a terrible person for not welcoming them to stay with us as they will be welcoming me into their family…but i just feel like having them the week of the wedding would be an added stress to my already stressful life. there would be at least six additional people (possibly eight…) staying with us in our two bedroom apartment…not to mention the extra bedroom is a slash office, which my boss will be expecting me to work out of. my fiance already told everyone they could stay with us for “as long as they like” after i had stressed to him i would rather they stay at a hotel so there isn’t too much i can do about the situation at this point.
i guess the icing on the cake was when i found out they will be staying until monday, when we leave for our honeymoon. we are staying at a hotel the night of our wedding but the following night we were planning to stay at our apartment…our first time as husband and wife. call me crazy but i didn’t expect to be playing host one day into our marriage. my fiance doesn’t see what the big deal is…my question is, is it a big deal? am i making it out to be worse then it is? i absolutely hate feeling this way. please help…
Post # 3
I would think it’s a big deal. But every things a big deal with me.
Plus my Future Mother-In-Law, doesn’t like me enough to even want to stay with us.
Post # 4
We’re having a similar situation, but Thank Goodness Future Mother-In-Law is seeing the light! Is money a reason they want to stay with ya’ll? If so, is there anyway ya’ll could help cover their lodging costs?
I don’t blame you for not wanting added guests. Have you tried talking to them–maybe they’d understand.
Post # 5
Holy cow! I think that would put me over the edge too. I don’t have any solutions, except that if you can somehow save/earn some extra cash to get a room for them at a nearby inexpensive hotel…I’d go for it (even if for a few days).
Post # 6
i don’t think money is the issue. at least i don’t think it should be…their contribution is the rehersal dinner.
Post # 7
@applebee73: Is it cultural? Some folks don’t blink at having that amount of people in a room. I know that living in NYC, I’ve had a bunch of my family visiting and squeezing themselves in here. Another person would not have been able to handle.
Post # 8
My ansewer would be HELL NO. There is so much you need to do before the wedding, and no matter how chill you are, it is stressful. When I have people at my house, I always feel like i need to make sure they have coffee, towels, blah, blah blah. It is too much. I think it is unreasonable for them to ask. Your Fiance needs to get behind you on this now. I am not usually very opinionated on the Bee. But, for someone who just went through this a few weeks ago, I can tell you this is a breakdown waiting to happen.
Post # 9
This was something my Darling Husband and I agreed early on – no friends or family were going to stay at our house for the wedding. I would have to agree with your reaction in terms of the number of people! If it was one or two, it wouldn’t be so bad or if you have a bigger place. However, 6-8 extra people in a two bedroom apartment – Yikes! Things are going to get crazy the week of the wedding and having your home space as a retreat is going to be necessary. Have you ever had this many extra people stay at your place to demonstrate how nutting it would be even during a non-wedding situation? Do you have any friends or family nearby who might be able to put them up? Would you be able to put them up in a hotel at least for a couple of days? (even if you have to pay for it, it might be worth the investment).
Post # 10
- Wedding: December 2010 - University of Toronto Faculty Club
Ack, I would have died having extra people at our apartment the week before our wedding. you are absolutely not crazy and not unreasonable for knowing this would bother you. It’s nothing to do with you not liking them, it’s just a matter of space and added stress. I definitely recommend the hotel option. Good luck!
Post # 11
I would try to explain to them that you don’t want them there because of work. Your boss is expecting you to work the week before the wedding and if you are anything like me you will be playing hostess rather than doing your work. I also think that they should stay in a hotel your first night at home as a married couple. If your Fiance still thinks they should stay, tell him he will get no nookie his first night at home as a married man. Hahaha.
Post # 12
Since your Fiance already promised they could stay you’re kind of in a tough spot. Why don’t you approach this the practical way with your FI? Start walking through your apartment humming and looking worried, when your Fiance asks what you’re doing you say you’re working out the best places for everyone to sleep. Start laying out mattresses and ask your Fiance for help, he’ll probably soon realise that fitting 6-8 people in your apartment is not going to work.
If that doesn’t work, maybe you can agree to compromise, you can work out of your bedroom and have 2 people stay in the spare room and the rest in a hotel?
We have a 2 bedroom place as well and my mum, two brothers and sister in law will be flying in from abroad a week before the wedding. Since they’re paying for plane tickets I don’t want to make them pay for a hotel but we only have spare beds for 2 people so either someone will have to sleep on the floor in the living room/kitchen or we’ll pay for a hotel. Not sure what we’ll do yet…
Post # 13
Absolutely not. You all need your own space that week!
Post # 14
Nooooooo. I can only tell you my experience, but as the only person who did any wedding planning for our wedding, I was nuts the week before our wedding. I mean, I was running around like a crazy person, we had gagillions of people in town, and we were being pulled in fifty different directions. Having family stay with us would NOT have been an option. Home is the only sanctuary you have during that crazy week. Being able to snuggle on the couch and crawl in bed with my husband (then-FI) at the end of each crazy day was what kept me sane. Don’t give it up if you can help it!
Post # 15
I seem to be in the minority here, but I had my in-laws and sister-in-law stay with us the week of the wedding and I LOVED having them there. They did so much to relieve the stress in my life – ran errands, cooked dinners, and cleaned the house. They wanted to do anything possible to make the week as stress free as possible and they totally did. Plus, it put a huge smile on my husband’s face having his family stay with us, which was the best part.
Post # 16
My biggest regret about my wedding was not leaving immediately for our honeymoon the next day. We thought it would be nice to have time to get ourselves together and spend time with Out of Town family. WRONG. It was the most exhausting, stressful day and night of my life the day after the wedding and even though we were all staying in a hotel in our own rooms, it was awful having to ‘entertain’ Out of Town family that day and night. I wanted to die I was so exhausted from about a full week of no sleep. I would have rather been on a plane passed out forgetting half my stuff than the situation we were in!!