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First off, hugs to you, sounds like she's stressing you out. I'd say with her, choose your battles and kill her with kindness. Sounds like she's not so much mean (minus the weight comments) but pushy. I think a lot of 'thank you for your suggestion, we'll consider it / but we've decided on X' is in order.
As for the colors thing, I think you can only dictate what the BP wears, but maybe FI can speak with her about fitting the look/style of the wedding and looking the part of MOG by wearing your preferred color. Good luck. Even the kindest of FMILs can make us all a bit frustrated.
NDBee thank you for your sweet words, i know your advice is just what I need to do, I just feel like I shouldnt have to always feel so out of m realm with her and his family, really hate how I fee around it and my FI is so close to his family... I am super stressed with her..
@Jessoverall: *hugs* I'm sorry you feel out of place due to her. It sometimes (ok, usually) sucks to have to be the bigger person and just hold your tongue and try not to let the strain bother you.
Have you talked with your FI about trying to build a closer bond with his fam? Sometimes families just operate very differently than our own and they may not make the effort to bring you into the fold. :-/ At least if your FI knows you feel uncomfortable, he can do his best to keep you involved when you're with his family and be sure to stay with you for a united front if she gets pushy.
@NDBee I just spoke with him on the phone and he was floored by her response as well. he knows this is how she is and she just tends to not even know she is doing it unless you tell her, he mentioned he will be talking with her to tell her to back off a bit- can't say im 100% comfortable with him speaking for my emotions -in my family we can raise hell all night talking about why the other person may have p'd us off lol- his family is much different! but i think coming from him will be better for her- i totally agree being the bigger person sucks when the other person has no idea you are having to try so hard to feel slightly comfortable around them... you are so sweet to respond :) thanks
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So to try to make a long story short- I am having a hard time dealing with my future MIL. She is the voice of opinions and likes to be in the center of any planning event. Now I don’t want to make this entire post all one sided so I will share that she has had some great advice in some aspects of the wedding and has experience planning large events with community members. She is an absolute social butterfly.
One of my bitter experiences with her occurred during my wedding gown shopping experience. I was self conscious about my weight and she pointed it out every chance she could asking out loud in front of everyone “how much weight have you tried to lose”- “I thought you said you lost this much…” –“what size wedding gown did you have to order”- all while showing off a smirk like “oh…well…guess its not THAT bad”
So, recently I released our wedding website to both of our parents before anyone else had a chance to see it. I worked for over a month making this thing and incorporating as much detail as needed to be included for out of town guests. My mother laughed though it commenting on how cute it was and how much she learned from the two of us … now on to her response…
She sent me an email over 6 paragraphs long talking about all the things I needed to add/change on the website- things that clearly I didn’t find important enough to add in the first place b/c of over kill- she also adds that she will not want to wear the colors I and my mother had decided on for the mothers to wear due to a “dream” she had to wear purple…she even complained about our registry list, wanting us to add more- we have lived together for 3 years-we have everything we need-
I was livid with her response… am I out of context here? I really need advice on this subject. The relationship I have with her has always felt strained and I am consistently stressed around her, I feel as though I am seen as a child taking her child away… I feel helpless… please help hive!
Need advice!