Post # 1
Our wedding is next June and I am starting to the wedding planning now. My mother has passed and I need your guys’ opinion.
I really like my future MIL, but she can sometimes be opinionated and smothering when it comes to her son. Anyway, I am doing my own bouquets out of fabric and didn’t have the intentions of doing any real flowers at the wedding. My centerpieces are going to be peacock feathers and birdcages. She seems apprehensive about the fact that I am using fabric flowers and made a comment how I need real ones at least at the alter of the church for the ceremony. I personally don’t know if I want to do that or tie in the peacock feathers somehow.
I’m afraid that her opinions aren’t going to stop there as the planning goes along. How do I deal with this without causing drama? I feel like I want her to be able to be a part of the planning, but in the end it is our wedding, not hers.
Any advice would be highly appreciated.
Post # 3
is she contributing financially?
Post # 4
I would say listen to what she says. Just because she suggests something doesnt mean you have to incorporate it into your wedding. If she makes a suggestion just simply say, you know that sounds like a good idea, I will think about that.
Post # 5
Her opinions probably will not stop. But if you want her to be involved in the planning then she would need to have opinions, no? The key is in opening lines of communication between the two of you. Describe your vision to her and she may become more apt to offer suggestions that fall more in line with your ideas. Even when she offers suggestions you don’t care for be nice in turning them down, but don’t be afraid to say no (just don’t laugh in her face). I think every mother has a vision of their child’s wedding in their mind, and sometimes it just takes a little reminder that it’s not her decision… at least that’s how it was with my Mom. Good Luck!
Post # 6
My best advice is for you and your fiance to sit down and figure out what’s really important to you and be willing to negotiate on some minor details, particularly if his parents are helping to pay for the wedding. If you really care about the decor but not about the cake, let your FMIL help you pick out a cake design. If they’re not helping you pay, then you don’t really have any obligation to appease her.
Post # 7
Let her know that you really love her ideas, even if you don’t, and then show her what you were thinking and maybe incorporate part of her ideas with yours. If she can see a picture of what you are envisioning, it will help her understand your vision and she will be more likely to contribute ideas based on those.
Post # 8
Ultimately it’s your wedding, but you should let her know that you appreciate her ideas and you’ll consider them. She’s probably just used to seeing real flowers at weddings, and maybe if you explain your vision to her, she’ll jump on board. Especially if you ask her to help you execute your vision. She’ll feel included and maybe will start giving you suggestions more in line with what you want and not what she assumes is for weddings.
Post # 9
Oh her opinions won’t stop there 🙂 Just stay open to listening to her ideas, while keeping true to what you want. I always did the “that does sound really nice, but I think this is more me/us and I really want the ceremony/reception to reflect our personalities.” I also took the “I love this, won’t it be great?” approach instead of “what do you think?” when I wanted to keep her involved, but didn’t necessarily want her opinion. Could be a nice gesture to give her a real flower corsage on your day to show you took her concerns to heart. Maybe she can have real floral centerpieces for the rehearsal dinner she can be planning 🙂
My best advice if she does get opinion heavy as the planning progresses is to try not to put your FI in the middle. If there is to be any drama, let her be the one to create it.
Post # 10
Thanks everyone. As of right now the FIL won’t be contributing and it is just myself and fiance paying for the wedding. I will have to find ways for her to feel included, but still be my ideas. Thanks for the ideas/help! 🙂