Post # 1
Future MIL’s dress for beach wedding. She asked me for my opinion and I said, “It is a beautiful dress but it may be too formal and too hot for the beach. The wedding is very casual. That dress is almost as fancy as mine. But if you love it, go for it” She was very offended by it. Thoughts?
Post # 3
@sara5ann: You and your FMIL really have it out for each other. At any rate, the dress is lovely. I would feel too hot in it personally. If she wants to wear it whatever. She is a grown adult and can dress herself. She asked for your opinion, you gave it. If she is hurt over it she shouldn’t have asked.
Post # 4
@megz06: I know! I am trying to put my resentment aside about her and really look at the big picture with these situations.
Post # 5
@megz06: By the way your due date is the day after my wedding!! 🙂
Post # 6
I wouldn’t wear that to a beach wedding myself, but it is a beautiful dress and I wouldn’t mind if my FMIL wore it to my wedding. I saw your beautiful dress and I don’t think you need to worry about how fancy this one is…your dress is breathtaking! Even if everyone else is dressing casually, I think FMIL wants to shine too (in her role as mother of the groom).
Post # 7
It’s a bit much for a beach wedding. Both my mom and FMIL are wearing short dresses. She did ask for your opinion, but I think the “it’s almost as fancy as mine” may have been what upset her. Like you thought she was upstaging you? I don’t know, I would just leave it alone and let her wear whatever.
Post # 8
She could feel that you are using two different standards for her dress and your dress.
“Too hot for the beach” vs your dress
“Too formal” vs your dress
And as a pp has already mentioned, she may feel you don’t want her to look good-“almost as fancy as mine”
Post # 9
Your MIL will the 2nd Most Honoured Guest there after your Mother… so I would say I can see her concerns at looking FABULOUS
She is no doubt turning to you for input because she is taking her cues from you (which Traditionally what the Moms do, your Mom from You, His Mom from You and Your Mom)
Sure it is a bit of a fancy dress… but fits with her role… and I think it looks lovely… and indeed summer appropriate. As long as it isn’t fussier than yours I hardly see a problem.
Based on your wording here, I would say you should try to be more “sensitive” to your MIL’s position and exactly WHY she asked you… she obviously cares.
Hope this helps,
Post # 10
@sara5ann: I agree with PPs, she asked your opinion and you gave it. Its too formal and hot for a beach wedding. But the way you said “Its almost as fancy as mine” could have been taken the wrong way. Even if she did get where you were coming from, such a direct statement can make people defensive, and she way want to wear it just because of that.
You and your FMIL are from two ends of the earth, from what I can glean, I just think you guys have some communication issues. Once you work ot how to talk to her, I think so much annoyance will disappear 😛
Post # 11
Oh gosh. SHe sounds like my FMIL. No matter WHAT I say I offend her.
She asked for your opinion, you gave it. Done. Move along.
As long as you are ok with her in it, don’t worry about it. If you don’t wan her to look so dressed up don’t worry about offending, just speak up politely
Post # 12
@FutureMrsHallam: We are two completely different people. She is an extreme introvert (she even said so herself) does not like social interactions and keeps to herself. I am very loud and social! LOL She communicates with her son through email and very rarely through the phone.
Post # 13
@sara5ann: I feel the same towards my FMIL. We are really REALLY different people. We don’t have fights or anything, but we certainly clash.
I get really anxious when I have to hang out with her because I ALWAYS end up saying or doing something that offends her. I am pretty sure she got really upset once because I didn’t say hello to her first when she came over to my FI and my house once.
Post # 14
@sara5ann: Haha oh dear, I sound like your FMIL! I prefer to text, email, message etc. I hate phonecalls with a passion! Im also pretty easy to upset, if I admit it to myself… And you sound just like my FMIL, shes the head of her whole family, shes so ridiculously outgoing and social and loves talking to people etc.
Plus, shes got a skin of iron to my skin of rosepetal…
This actually gives me insight to what its like to talk to someone like me (read: probably very difficult). Ill keep this in mind…