Future MIL -HUGE FAMILY!!

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

mrsdevries:  Hey I kind of went through this with my invitation list. Our max was 150, and we have sent STDs to 145. An issue came up where my futire FIL basically told a ton of distant family members they (and their kids) were invited–we wanted minimum kids, only our first cousins. This really pissed me off. Our compromise was that my fiances parents would have to take some of their friends off of the list to make room for those family members that would not have initially been invited. They offered to pay for these people but I don’t even want to deal with some people paying for certain guests, so if I were you I wouldn’t take her up on that offer. It also got really annoying because fiance and his family insisted we send out STDs to family members who “defintely” won’t come–so we’ll see! I really wish I had handled this whole thing differently and been more assertive!

If I were you I would stick to the number you need to stick with. Talk to your fiance about people on his side of the family he feels he absolutely needs to invite. After sending out STDs, I think it’s acceptable to try to bring it up to people to see if they think they will be coming, which would give you an idea of how many will actually come. 

I think we are going to send out invites earlier than normal and hope to get RSVPs back quickly–and then bother those family members to see if they are coming or not. Then we are going to invite people who we couldn’t initally invite.

SO, in sum, I was in your position and gave in a little bit too much in terms of getting family on the list, which I’m resenting. Invite who you want to–don’t sacrifice close friends for distant family members. 

Best of luck!

Post # 3
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

mrsdevries:  You have to be form on this. People are bound to think they have a say in your wedding but only you and your fiance do.

Explain that if you and your family have made compromises and left people out it’s only reasonable that they do too.

Again, learn the power of no, and don’t try to please everyone.

Post # 4
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You need to talk to fiance and make certain you are both on the same page.  The answer is you have a limited number of invites, you have divided them up,  and this is it. 

Post # 6
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Just tell her, “FMIL, you get X amount of invitations. You can divide them up however you choose. That number is firm, I’m sorry.” Don’t allow her to pay for any extras, because that just opens the door to her trying to get more and more. Get the addresses from her and send out the invitations yourself, and have your FI communicate with her forom now on.

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