Post # 1
Let me start this by saying that I absolutely love my future MIL. She’s so sweet and I couldn’t have a better family to marry into.
The only issue is that she seems to have a much different idea of what the wedding should be. I’m thinking relatively small – like 100 people at the maximum. I’m planning on having 2 bridesmaids, my sister and best friend. As far as I know, my FI wasn’t planning on having his brothers as groomsmen (he’s not close to them).
But, when we were talking about it (just in casual converation at this point), my FI’s mother declared that his brothers HAVE to be groomsmen. She also started talking about the guest list – and spouting off names of people I’ve never heard of and my FI hasn’t seen since he was 3 years old, and names of her coworkers. Then she says there aren’t too many she wants to invite, maybe 40!
I have no idea how to deal with this! I love her and I value her opinion, but I do not want 40 people that I’ve never met at my wedding, especially when I’d like to keep my wedding under 100 people!
Has anyone else had to deal with things like this? How did you go about having the awkward conversation!
And just a side note – as far as I know, my FI and I are going to be paying for the wedding, with a small contribution from my side of the family.
Post # 3
Just plan your wedding. Don’t give out details until you decide to make a guest list, and then figure out if there’s any room for any of her invites. If so, tell her how many she can invite, or bring it up casually that its a small, intimate, family/close friends of bride and groom wedding. Just be firm. Don’t let her invite people!
Post # 4
If she’s going to be pushy I wouldn’t include her in wedding planning.
Post # 5
My MIL made demands on the guest list. We told her we would consider the guest list. We did end up sending to most people (we didn’t have a smaller wedding though with limited guests), but we didn’t go out of our way to find numbers and addresses for those that she didn’t give us.
I wouldn’t discuss the wedding with her anymore, even in casual conversation and if she does bring it up say that you have it under control and everything will work out. It helps if your FI sticks up for you too so that way it isn’t like you are crossing family. My SIL was a stinker during our wedding planning, and, like an idiot, I handled it myself for a long time until it became a personal issue and I had to pass it off to my DH. Best to do that right away if you have the same viewpoint.
Post # 6
I’d definitely get your FI on board with talking to his mother to avoid some of that awkwardness. My MIL did not contribute either, and we basically just told her you are allowed to invite X number of people, end of story. We let her trim her guest list as she pleased as long as it was under that number of people.
Post # 7
Thanks for the suggestions! I’ve asked my FI to reign his mother in a little bit. So far he hasn’t talked to her about it. I do want to include her in the planning, because she is a big part of my life, but I was really overwhelmed by her thoughts on the guest list!