(Closed) Future-MIL rant!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yikes! Make sure when you throw that shoe, it’s a spiked heel!!! jk… haha!

I know what you mean – I’m struggling with my MIL particularly with the holidays. She’s been trying to manipulate DH into agreeing that we will see them on both holidays for the majority of the day, and that my family can see us for dessert. Meanwhile, we wanted to start some of our own traditions this year, which she doesn’t seem to like, and/or appreciate. Yet I still am expected to be the smiling idiot! Kudos to you for standing up to her. And good luck!!!

Post # 5
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

DH and I just got married in September, and she’s all “but the holidays will be extra special this year, we should be able to see you for the whole day both on Thanksgiving (which is her birthday this year too) AND on Christmas… and since we see DH’s dad on Christmas eve, I’m wondering where she thinks that leaves my family!?!?! I cannot wait for it to be over either… the sad thing is though… it will happen every year! Until we move to Belize… LOL!

Post # 6
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I saved your points about your MIL and will be forwarding to my husband. I have trouble putting a finger on exactly what my MIL does that gets to us (she’s good at the “you’re being mean to me” thing). I also get how  your MIL acts differently in front of other people… I know you were venting, but this just helped me so much πŸ™‚ Good luck with yours and kudos for standing up for yourself and not playing the passive game.

Post # 8
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

hey, i completely understand what you are going though.  i have a sister with borderline personality disorder. and the way you described your FMIL, they are the same person! your FH is completely right in thinking she has borderline personality….and the best way to handle is how you described in your most recent post. you were not immature at all.  in fact one of the biggest things i learned in dealing with my sister is to use the phrase “i’m sorry you feel that way”.  it puts the onus back on them for their irrational feelings.

if you want to look into more ways of coping, i suggest getting the book “Stop Walking on Eggshells” bt Randi Kreger. you will learn ALOT about the disorder as well as how to deal.  also check out this website: http://www.bpdcentral.com/index.php

i swear EVERYTHING you described above is like you were describing my sister, from how she wants us to “beg” for her presence.  i had to make my sister my MOH (some battles are just not worth fighting and this was one of them – i would have preferred my best friend)..and already once since i have been engaged she has “threatened” to not be my MOH (as if that’s a threat?!!)

anyway, i could go on forever, but mainly i wanted to validate you and your FH in your diagnosis and direct you towards some good resources.  best of luck.

Post # 9
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

YOu should call her therapist and tell her therapist about your concerns.

Edit: nevermind, I just read that she will not see a therapist.

Post # 10
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

OMG – what a freaking nightmare!  I think I know the type you are describing… such a disaster.

How does your Fi handle all of this?

Bottom line – the only thing you can do with people like this is state what you are going to do.  You can’t let them drag you into their drama.  You just can’t.  Protect yourself and protect your family.  If she starts crossing over lines you drew, you MUST LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.  Do not put up with her crap!  I’m hoping FI is on board with you.. because he HAS to stand firm!… as difficult as it is!

p.s. I LOVED your email response – I think it was PERFECT and didn’t allow her rant to go where she wanted it to.  It’s like a toddler – if you give in, they will do it again and again – each time with a renewed vengeance!!

Post # 11
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Sassy5412: I second the endorsement of ‘Stop Walking on Eggshells.’ I dated a guy with BPD. Didn’t figure out until I was a couple of years in (I basically diagnosed him by researching online), and reading that book helped me to see the light and understand how to disengage from destructive interaction with him.

Post # 12
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m loving this post!  So many times people post the same thing on here, that their FMIL is crazy, etc but they never do anything about it.  I LOVE that you’re calling her out!  I don’t think it’s immature at all.  Unless someone is DIRECT with her, she will continue playing her games.  I think that you will ultimately be successful in dealing with her because she will eventually realize that no matter what she says she isn’t being taken seriously.

Your story kind of reminded me of my mom telling my FMIL at our RD to stop being melodramatic and moody.  That it was ONE DAY and just put on a smile for her son’s sake and stop bitching.  I heard the story from her later.  I love my mom.  πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

OMG… Are you marrying my FI’s brother? I mean, this is his mother to a T!

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