- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
My future MIL is driving me crazy. ::CRAZY::
I’ll preface with a couple things:1) We are paying for our wedding, have not asked for help, and do not plan to.2) MIL has no daughters, but got to plan both of her older boys’ weddings (oldest DIL is super passive, youngest was super pregnant- both let her take the reins)- which I think is part of the reasoning she’s trying to be so controlling..
She treats my 29-year-old FI like a small boy who can’t tie his shoes without his mommy. She treats me (also 29) like a mother who lets her small son get away with everything. That’s what she uses to make comments about the wedding planning- anything he does is just silly, anything I agree with him on is me caving.
She wants us to change our date because she wants a warm, summer wedding- not a cold, fall wedding. She keeps telling us we’ll have a freak blizzard, and that we’re being selfish. Because apparently it’s selfish to get married on your anniversary. For reference, it was in the high 60s on our anniversary this year.
She thinks because my family is smaller than hers, that our wedding should be where it’s convenient for her family and that me, my FI, and my family should have to travel to her. (She lives 1.5 hours from our venue, which is just outside the city we live in. It’s a 2-hour drive for us to her place and it’d be about 4+ hours for the rest of my family.)
She wants us to get married in her church- which she doesn’t even go to anymore because the pastor made both her DILs cry during their marriage counseling because of comments he made about their “life choices” (i.e. told youngest DIL that her pregnancy was “an unfortunate accident”). But, according to her, at least if we got married by him, “it’d be in a church and not in some hotel ballroom.” Apparently, our pastor marrying us in a ballroom isn’t holy enough for her.
She thinks she should be able to invite all her co-workers, friends, and extended family- and that if that means we have to cut people from our guest list to stay within our budget, so be it.
She is upset she hasn’t met my mom yet. I think she wants to assess the threat of sharing the holidays. Both her other DILs’ parents spend holidays, birthdays, family gatherings at MIL’s house so they can see their daughters/grandchildren. This is because neither DIL (nor their husbands) has said, “No, we are creating our own family traditions and are not going to spend every second of every holiday at your house.” On that note..
She thinks we need to spend every second of every holiday at her house. When we declined to spend all 5 of our days off work in her guest rooms, she tried to guilt my FI by saying he doesn’t see his niece/nephews enough. When we explained that we would be splitting holidays evenly between mine and his family from now on, she said that since my mother lives closer to us, she obviously gets to see us more so she can do without on holidays. (Um, my dad died 9 years ago and I’m the only child.. sorry, think my own mother needs me more. Also, I see MIL more than I see my own mom because of our work schedules.)
There’s more, but I’ll stop there. We’ve tried everything. Involving her more, involving her less, not saying anything to anyone. FI has talked to her a few times. The rest of the family is awesome, so we just try to take things with a grain of salt. It’s still really frustrating, though, and hard to not have hurt feelings.
Anyone else going through anything like this? I welcome stories!