(Closed) Future MIL wants me to have her dress… Dress Dilema

posted 6 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You sure are having a doozy of a day, pinkgreenandyellow! Personally, (and esp. because she said no hard feelings about the dress), you should respectfully decline. Say that you are honored by her offer, but would like to be able to share the dress shopping experience with your mother and are looking for something with a different style, maybe even offer to include her in the dress shopping experience if that’d be ok with you/your mother. It’d be a bonding experience. If she doesn’t like you deep down because you won’t wear her dress, she’s got more problems than I can enumerate here.

Post # 4
1077 posts
Bumble bee

I would at least go try it on, but don’t commit to anything until you’ve seen what it looks like on you. If it is too small in places it would be hard to alter, so it may not even be a problem at all.  I would also let yourself think about it for a few days, and maybe invite your Future Mother-In-Law along to dress shopping if her dress doesn’t end up being something you want.

Post # 5
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I agree with OP- I think it’d be okay to turn down the dress, saying that you guys have different body shapes, etc and invite her to the dress shopping expereience.   Also, maybe you can ask her if you can borrow a braclet or necklace or something so that she still is involved with what you wear on your wedding day?  Or maybe a veil?

Post # 6
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Can you maybe respectfully decline, say you want your mom experience, but use some of the train to fashion a garter, or some kind of trim for your bouquet? Or maybe use a square foot to make a ring bearer pillow. SOMETHING that will be symbolic of her wedding, but not locking you into wearing the dress. Just chat with her about it. It’s not going to be offensive to run “what if” scenarios by her. She doesn’t have to agree, but it shows you are thinking to keep the tradition alive, if not add some flair to it.

Post # 7
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I agree you should try it on at least- it probably won’t fit and you won’t have a problem!

Post # 8
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think it’s totally fine to decline. Say that you are touched by her offer, and that you are so excited to be a part of her family, but that you would feel bad having to cut up the dress to fit you, and that you don’t know if it would even be possible to do so without destroying it. Maybe have her come fabric shopping with you or something, so she continues to feel involved. If you do want to include the dress in some way (and she doens’t mind you picking at it a bit), you could take some lace, a decorative element, or some fabric from a not so obvious area and sew it onto your dress or include it in some way.

Post # 9
7653 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Could you maybe do two wedding dresses? Maybe do the one you want during the ceremony and pictures and wear your FMIL’s at the reception?

Just a thought–There is a way to politely decline her offer and tell her how much you love being a part of the family. However, you would like to go dress shopping with your mother. Maybe even invite her along for that 🙂

Post # 10
119 posts
Blushing bee

It is YOUR wedding, so do what YOU want! I am sure both your Mom and Mother-In-Law want you happy. Why use a 20+ year dress while you ahve one in mind that you love.

You are getting married just once (well that is what i hope for me…anyway…) so don’t do what other would like. Otherwise you will end up like those Mom’s in ‘toddlers and tiaras” that do with their kids what they wanted to do but didn’t… sorry maybe this is a guffy comparison…

Post # 11
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Pepperwoodsy:  I agree with everything you said! Or…if she still has her veil and if you were planning on wearing one, you can offer to use that instead?

Post # 12
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

If FMIL’s dress fits, why not wear it for the rehearsal?

The topic ‘Future MIL wants me to have her dress… Dress Dilema’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors