Future MOH Drama

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Miss_AshNicole:  I would let your FI communicate with his Mom. Have him ask the same things of her that you would and that you are asking of your Mom. If she doesn’t respond or participate- her choice.

Post # 3
Member
11740 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m confused why this is titled “future MOH drama.”

ANYWAY, I agree with Julie – have your fiance talk to his mother.  When I had issues with my in-laws, I passed the buck to DH to handle.  Your family, your call.  He needs to let his mom know that giving you the silent treatment like a child isn’t the way you’re going to handle disagreements, and also show that you have a united front on these issues.  He should also call his brother and try to explain, and if the brother doesn’t come around, just comment about how sad you’ll be to not have him there at the wedding.

Sorry, weddings seem to bring out the worst in some people!

Post # 6
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Miss_AshNicole:  Unfortunately, this seems to happen a lot with weddings.  While I don’t think it’s fair for your FMIL to demand you host your wedding a certain way since you’re paying for it, your guests are still free to decline the invite.  I agree with julies1949 that you should let your FI deal with his mother/brother.  Best of luck.

Post # 7
Member
11740 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Miss_AshNicole:  Hah, nah – people will still click in.  I was just confused going through waiting to see MOH drama on top of this drama!

I saw your update that your FI doesn’t have the easiest time getting phone access.  Can he send an email and explain stuff or set up a time to talk to her?  I really do think he needs to take the reins on this one.

Post # 8
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

Miss_AshNicole:  Definitely let your FI handle communication with his mom. Your wedding is 5 months away, you’ve got time to get the photos from her if you really need them. Other than that, let her son talk to her and give her time to calm down.

Post # 10
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Miss_AshNicole:  Whew, wall of text. Ok, a few things: 1) Your fiance should be the one communicating with his own family. 2) It’s your prerogative not to invite children. But know that many people will not attend without their children, especially if it is a destination wedding. It is their prerogative to decline to attend, but they are rude to give you a hard time about it. 3) Your hotel block is an option for your guests, not a requirement. If your FMIL doesn’t like the hotel, she doesn’t have to stay there. But seriously, let your fiance deal with his own family.

ETA: Don’t tell people you aren’t inviting kids “due to budget.” Not only is it rude (because it suggests you are valuing fancy food/drink over people), but it also leaves open the door for someone to rudely offer to pay for an invited guest to attend.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  merpitymerp.
Post # 13
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t like little kids at weddings.  I declined a ton of invitations when my kids were little for out of town weddings where I knew I couldn’t get a sitter.    BIL is being rediculous, although, I think with an out of town wedding, and no kids invited, it is perfectly acceptable for him to POLITELY decline to come.

Post # 14
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

Miss_AshNicole:  Are you paying for everything everything or are they still paying for their hotel? $180 per night might be a great rate for the area, but they might not know that, and it also might be a lot more than they usually spend per night so they’re uncomfortable with it. It sucks, but maybe they’re just bargain hunters and wanted a chance to find a cheaper room.

It does all seem like a really extreme reaction if the only thing you did was tell them politely it was an adult only wedding.

Post # 15
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Miss_AshNicole:  If you need to communicate with her re the pictures for example,  because your FI  can’t do it while he is away, send joint emails to your Mom and her. Handle her identically to your Mom.( You can always talk with or email your Mom separately also).

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