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She is your FMIL and if the relationship is already a bit rocky, I would invite him and also his father's wife. Its OK to be really intimate and have very few people, but if someone is married, I wouldn't break them up. Even if you don't see them a lot now, your FH's step mother is also a FMIL to you.
If you don't invite them just accept that you may have permanently damaged your relationship with his parents.
I would just invite the boyfriend and your step mom. It would prevent any possible throwing of fits by your FMIL and that is the last thing you want to worry about on your wedding day.
I agree with lefeymw. It's a little strange not to invite the spouse/SO of your FI's mother and father. I think you should make an exception for these two people.
I totally agree with the pp. It you don't have any personal reasons why you don't invite the FMILs then I'd do it to avoid any future issues. Whether you talk to them very right now or not they're not going anywhere and you never know when you might need to call on your dads wife or even your FI mother. I really wouldn't burn bridges right away.
His dad doesn't have a problem with it. He is coming down with my FI's Grandfather and sharing a hotel room. I would have to cut someone out of the wedding in order to include her boyfriend. Which, it is not a secret that my FI and her boyfriend haven't seen eye to eye. I don't think it is fair to have to cut someone from the wedding because he is dating her. Why can't she come down with her mother just like his father is doing ? It doesn't make any sense to me.
I think just because someone is OK with being left out (dad's wife) doesnt mean the "approve" of it. It means they are trying to keep the peace most likely. FH's mom isnt willing to keep the peace and thinks this is more important. Imagine how much gratitude they would have if you decided to include them now if she was accepted with not being included? You could have a great ally on your side.
You are asking important people in FH's life (parents) to choose you and your FH over other important people in their lives (bf and wife).
No, someone shouldn't have to be cut out just for him, but I think I would really reconsider the venue. Or, why do you need two photographers for only 20 people? One would be more than adequate really
What kind of venue is it? Is it a really small space that can only fit 20 people? I'd ask the venue to allow 22 people.
I don't know any of your history but you are 2 years away. No telling what could happen between now and then and heck, she may not have a BF when the time rolls around.
I would definitely include the spouses/SOs. Maybe drop one of the photographers, I don't think for such an intimate ceremony you really need two.
I have. It's a small garden & because they only charge $100 to book, they are very strict. It's either bring 20 people or book the bigger garden & villa for $700.
Her boyfriend is very loud and he pushes his opinions on people. I don't want to have to deal with that on my wedding day. Isn't it supposed to be about us in the first place ? It looks like if we don't invite him, his mother will be upset and possibly start drama. And if we do, he could potentially ruin my day. I don't think there has been a single outing with these two where someone wasn't offended by him at the end of the night.
There are a lot of people who can't bring someone or are just not on the list that understand. I just think she is throwing a fit because she is more upset with the fact that we are getting married than the fact that he can't attend.
Well it sounds like you made your decision already.
And for the record, I do not believe this day is about you (a general you) and what you want. Its about joining two families through two people getting married and the celebration is for everyone involved. Its about the family as much as it is about you. If it were only about you, you would elope without the need to have anyone there.
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Thank you ladies for all the advice on what to do about having an intimate vs extravagant ceremony. Now that we have that out of the way and have decided on what to do, I come to you with another question.
The venue allows 20 people, including the justice of the peace and our two photographers. That being said we really had to cut the guest list. We're inviting his mom, but not her boyfriend. His dad, but not his wife. His sister & one of my brothers are not invited. I don't talk to these people often anyway, so it isn't a huge deal to me. And the people that know so far haven't put up much of a fuss. But, I am worried about his mom. She already tried to break us up before we moved back to my home state three months ago. When we told her about the wedding she told us we were to young & throwing our lives away. I'm scared when we tell her that her boyfriend isn't invited she is going to throw a fit. I don't want my wedding day ruined because of her. What do I do ?