- 7 years ago
- Wedding: December 2016
Ok. I need some advice. I’d really love some feedback on a FMIL issue I’m having. A little backstory: I love my future in laws, but sometimes, you have to take them with a grain of salt. I’m not saying this to be mean, but they can be abrasive at times without knowing. Not just to me, complete strangers! I’ve been to Macy’s, the grocery store, a hair salon, etc on several occasions with my FMIL and she was so bossy and abrasive with the salepeople, I was completely embarassed. I wanted to wear a sign that said “I’m not actually related to this person”. LOL. She just doesn’t realize how she comes across. However, I have found good qualities in both of my fiance’s parents, and try just to focus on those qualities. For instance, my FMIL worries about everyone almost to the point of hysteria, but I know that this is because she cares so much.
However, that “care” has worked it’s way into the wedding planning a bit, and here’s how. She has been relatively quiet about the planning process, as my fiance’s parents are VERY traditional, and do not want to donate any money to the wedding. My fiance has asked several times, as my family and both myself and the groom are contributing, and the stand firm. Which is fine, that’s their perogative. However, no money donated = no say on how the wedding pans out, correct? She has followed this rule up until the cake.
My fiance and I are planning a trip to my hometown in a few days (where we are getting married) to take care of some wedding things, including cake tastings. Ever since my fiance told her this, I’ve been getting huge emails from her concerning the cake. Long story short, it’s in that sort of bossy tone she isn’t aware of, and is informing me that she’s made several calls around MY HOMETOWN to find a traditional Puerto Rican Rum cake (PR is where my fiance’s family is from), and she called each bakery, and provided me with the information for these bakeries. Which was, nice of her, but not necessary. It was then followed up by lots of instructions on how the cake should look and taste, and that the worst thing at a wedding is a cake that is dry and doesn’t taste good, and that she called one of the bakeries to schedule an appt for us, and that the lady there does sugar flowers, and that these are traditional and very beautiful…and on and on…
I’m not offended that she’s trying to help, please do not get me wrong…it’s just the tone that she uses. And quite frankly, yes, I feel a little cornered now, that if I don’t pick this very specifically flavored cake, that my fiance’s whole family will be up in arms. Even my fiance is suddenly very opinionated about the cake, and his opinions mirror everything ver batem that his mother is saying, so I know she’s been talking to him about this obsessively, which makes me feel uncomfortable. I COMPLETELY RESPECT that this is something that is traditional and important to them…and I have no problem adding, say, a tier of that flavor. But I just do not like the way this is being handled at all. And my fiance defends his mom, of course.
Without reading you all the emails, it’s hard to convey the tone she’s using, and the pressure I feel from my FMIL about the cake. I want to act graciously for her help, but I really don’t want her help! I already had done extensive research on the best cake bakeries in town, and NONE of these new bakeries she’s insisting on are on my list. Is this wrong of me??? Am I totally out of line??? If my fiance’s parents want to gift us this cake, then it can be made of whatever their heart’s desire!! But when my groom and I are paying for the cake, these kinds of suggestions (which are feeling like demands to be QUITE honest) seem a little out of line.