Post # 1
Don’t get me wrong, I like my FI’s family, and we all get along really well–but the Future MIL has always been “in charge”. So, now that it comes time to plan the wedding she’s full of opinions and of course knows best.
I should mention that his parents are paying for the reception…and I am super appreciative that they are helping us out, I don’t have an issue with making certain concessions on how many people come, and what the menu is going to look like…but she is blatently going behind my back and talking to my FI about my half of the wedding list, asking him “Is it more important that she invites So and So, than for you to be able to invite So and So?” We have an even number of people on the list and she wants me to take some of my friends off so she can invite people she used to work with 20 years ago! I have no problem tightening up the list, but it has to be on both sides, right?
She’s even giving opinions and taking on things that don’t involve her–she wants to make sure that the bridesmaids dresses are all in order, and that the wording on the invitations are just right.
My FI is trying to help, but he’s grown up with her being like this and doesn’t really see anything wrong with letting her have her way–probably because she’s always had it, but we are on two different wave lengths. What do I do?? Any suggestions are welcome and appreciated.
Post # 3
Don’t let her see your guest list….period. Simply tell her “OK-since we’ve decided on X number of guests, to make it even, we will each invite X number of people. We need your list, with addresses, by X date”.
When you get her list, if it’s over your stated number of people, call her “It looks like we’ve had a mis-understanding. We each had X number of invites available, but your list has X+number. Do you want to make the cuts or do you want just want us to invite the first X number of people on your list and save the rest for the B-list?”
If she starts to argue, interrupt her with “This is number we all agreed upon,Did you want me to call and add more people? At $x/head, that will cost another $X.”
If she starts to queston anything beyond the reception (like the bridesmaid dresses) “Oh, I appreciate your input, but we have that under control. You don’t need to worry about it”.
Instruct your fiance to say “I don’t know-I’m not involved in stuff like dresses/flowers/shoes/invitations/whatever”
Since they are paying for the reception, in all fairness, they should be mentioned on the invitation.
Post # 4
@kybride’s advice is spot-on.
Post # 5
did you converted? TO JUDAISSAISM SORRY ABOUT THE MISPELLED DO NOT MARRY HIM YOU WILL BE with his family forever pls is not going to be easy you thhonjnk it will in the beginnig but after afew yers he will pick his family before you. I lost both may parents very early in life and I thought this was it what a big mistake that dont noy mean that it will happen to you but pls talk to a pr4iest your best friend yous sister or brother a rabbi don’t blinmd yourself because at the end you will be all alone I meet my in -laws 5 years after I met my husband becxause there were going to deshome him if he did not marry a jewish girl pls call me or email
me you love him but his parents specopally his mom will come first…