Post # 1
To start with I want to say that I am not american and my in my country MIL’s are not the maid or matron of honor. That is way I was extremely surprised when my future MIL got angry, after hearing that my best friend (who has been with me through my highs and lows for the last 15 years) is going to be my maid of honor. I know Gretta (my friends name) would not be upset, if I ask her to step down, but I dont want to do it.
MIL refuses to have her make up done with us, I guess, because she is angry. She was extremely vocal about me not choosing her as MOH and and I am just wondering if I should just give in. We have already made a lot of concesions to her from hotels, to a vacation following the wedding!! (Crazy right?), and I want to have my best friend standing by my side.
Future hubby is not asking me to do it, in fact, he tought that it was ridiculous, but I want to keep peace. What should I do?
Post # 3
@Maricr: Wow. I can’t believe she is behaving like this. The bridal party is uasally the friends and sisters of the bride. Her special spot is the mother of the groom. It sounds like she just wants attention at the wedding. Let her be upset. Do not give in to her. Be careful and watchful that she tries to pull no silly stunts at the wedding
Post # 4
Wow….your FMIL sounds like a real peach. I’ve NEVER in my LIFE heard of a FMIL being the bride’s MOH. She sounds like a nutjob and you should NOT give in to her at all because this is YOUR day, not hers.
Here’s hoping you guys will end up living far, far, FAR away from her.
Post # 5
If you cave every time this woman gets angry, you are going to be manipulated by her the rest of your life.
Post # 6
Are you kidding? No way in hell would I ever entertain that idea!!! Personally, if I went to a wedding and the future MIL was the maid of honor, I’d literally miss all of the ceremony because I’d be sitting there thinking “WTF? I am so confused!” Don’t even think about replacing your friend. It already sounds like she’s trying to control you. If you give in this, she’ll likely continue with nonsense like this. I agree with pp – I too hope you live FAR away from this crazy woman. 🙂
Post # 7
I’ve never heard of that custom and if it’s not traditional in your country, I’m super confused as to why she’d expect that…
Post # 8
@redheadem: Same here!
I would not back down. Let her act like an immature child, that’s her choice.
Post # 9
I would not cave. If you do, she will behave like this every time she doesn’t get her way.
I would let her know that your best friend is your MOH, and if she chooses not to get ready with you all, it’s her decision, but you wish she would. (If you don’t want her too, leave that part out).
I’ve never heard of a MIL being MOH. Closest I got was an aunt being a bridesmaid, standing up for the bride in lieu of a cousin that had died.
Post # 10
wow…this by far is the most ridiculous MOH issue I have heard to this day.
I think your FMIL overstepped BIG time on this. Please don’t budge in. You shouldn’t. She should be happy to play the Mother of the Groom role. MOH is from the bride’s side. That lady is out of her mind!!!!!
i don’t think you should make peace by asking her to be MOH (in history I never heard of groom’s mom being MOH. If it’s a tradition in some area, please do tell)
I think if you do, some time down the road, you will really regret not having your best friend stand next to you at the altar. I am glad your FI is on your side on this. Have him talk to his mom on this. Be firm.
May I ask who’s paying for the wedding? The reason I ask is, if you guys are, then it’s more reason to tell MIL to play nice or else she can’t come 😛
Post # 11
Wooow, like PPs said, she takes the cake when it comes to crazy MILs! *but she’d probably complain about it ;-P*
I’d send this one FH’s way. Our rule is ‘your family, your issue to address.’ Even if FMIL is having an issue/disagreement about me/a choice I made, FH is the one to address her (firmly) because they have the closer relationship, and him and I are now a team. I’d encourage (aka- strongly suggest) to FH that he handles this one by telling her that you’ve already picked your MOH, FMIL gets the role of Mother of the Groom, and that it’s non negotiable/not up for discussion.
She is being rediculous, time to shut her down. Giving in to this will lead to a life of battles, like @julies1949: pointed out.
Post # 12
it’s your wedding do what YOU want!!!! I have never ever heard of a MIL being a MOH, where is this tradition from? Where is your MIL from? why was she expecting ths??? How odd! Does she expect your father to be your FIs best man?? This is so silly, how sad that she is trying to manipulate your wedding 🙁
Do not back down, this is YOUR special day, you need your bestfriend at your side not your mother in law!!!
Post # 13
I have NEVER heard of the FMIL being the MOH. That is ridiculous. Definitely not an American tradition. Your FI should tell her she needs to back off on that and that it is making you very upset and it isn’t her place to do that….her place is as MOG and that comes with it’s own special status
Post # 14
Wow…I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It’s your wedding so it’s up to you who you decide to choose as MOH. I’ve never heard of FMIL being MOH…it should be your best friend, not FMIL. I wouldn’t do it just to appease her…she doesn’t deserve it. She’s acting like a spoiled child. I’d have FI talk with his mother and take care of this issue.
Post # 15
MIL as MOH?????? What??? No. Do not back down just to keep teh peace, if you do, she will just find some other ridiculous demand to manufacture out of thin air for the sake of drama.
Post # 16
I have never herad of MIL as an MOH. Don’t back down. She’ll get over it.