Future Mother In Law Issues

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

You need to stick up for yourself at some point or she will walk all over you for the rest of your life. I would say that the SIL can photograph the boys getting ready and do a short 20 minute shoot of her and her son while your photographer takes your bridal photos. That’s all. She is not to take photos over the paid photographers shoulder or get in front of her to take a photo, ever. This includes the reception. She is not to take photos during the ceremony. 

Discuss this with your. FI and have a united front. Put your foot down. 

Post # 4
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@AngelKidAllan:  99.99999% of photographers will have a clause in their contracts that they are to be the ONLY photographer there and will leave/consider the contract null and void if another is there. So your MIL needs to take a seat and stop. 

Post # 5
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@mixtapehearts:  +1!!! I would tell her that your photog has a clause that there can be no other photogs.

Post # 6
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

 My concern is not with the photos, but with the fact that your fiance is bowing to her whims, AFTER you two agreed that you were doing something different. While I agree with picking your battles, you two need to be a unified front, and he needs to stand up to his mother. Weddings are where precedents get set for future interactions. If he shows her that she can push him into getting her way, over your objections, the behavior will not stop after the wedding.

Talk to your fiance. There needs to be an agreement that when you two reach a decision on something, it stands. Period.

Post # 7
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

There’s a reason FMIL and FML are so close. I like mine 99% of the time, but she too is opinionated about our weeding. You need to just learn to say no, as intimidating as that may be, and your FI needs to back you up.

Post # 8
Member
2873 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

AT this point, as big of an issue that your FMIL, your FI is an equal problem.  I have dated the only male child before.  His mother was a pain at every point in our relationship, and my ex was constantly defending her.  You need to have a long talk with your FI about where the boundaries will be with his mother. 

Post # 9
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You and your FI need to get on the same page.  I had/am still having FMIL issues, so FI and I came up with some standard things to say when his mom gets pushy. Things like:

– We appreciate your advice, but we’ve already decided on xyz

– This is something for us (meaning me and FI) to discuss privately

– We understand where you’re coming from, but we’re more comfortable with xyz

 

Basically, really vague things that shut the conversation down but would make her look like a crazy person if she got defensive and loud about it.  My FI is still working on standing up to his mom, but the most important thing was that we talked and made sure we’re a team.  Your FI needs to be on your side and express that to his mom.

Post # 11
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I’m with @MariContrary

Your FI needs to keep a united front with you and stop giving in to his mother, this is NOT her wedding.

Tell her your photographer has a clause that she is the only photographer and there is no need for another one. You don’t need 2 people pulling people in different directions to get pictures. I mean what if you are waiting for him to do pics with you and he’s off somewhere taking photos with mommy dearest? NOT COOL. He needs to grow a pair.

Post # 12
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@AngelKidAllan:  This is not a pattern with your FMIL, it’s a pattern with your Fiance.

Now is the time to set the precedent and boundary that you and he will be making the decisions where you and he are concerned, not her. If she is not shown this, she will continue to act this way and he will most likely continue to give in. What’s next? How you spend holidays? How you set up and run your household? How you raise your kids? It’s going to be a long life if he can’t put his wife first when it comes to decisions that are important to you and the new family he starting with you.

He needs to take the lead on that as she is his mother. I would have a serious talk with him about the impact this has on you and areas you are willing to compromise vs. areas you are not. Hopefully he just has not been made aware how upetting to you this is, and once he is, he will step up. If he is not willing to back you up on these things I’m not sure what to say besides I know a lot of women who are very unhappy being married to mama’s boys.

Post # 13
Member
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@thenewmrsmax:  

@AngelKidAllan:  

I would say that the SIL can photograph the boys getting ready and do a short 20 minute shoot of her and her son while your photographer takes your bridal photos

OP this PP nailed it…. I did this myself because my IL’s pulled the same crap with me. There wasnt another photog but they were being really ridiculous about having certain pictures done with them and I swear if I had my time back I wouldnt have let them away with it because it actually ATE into my bridal shoot time…. but we had the photog do the boys getting ready shots… then my bridal shots…. but in between (during the guys getting ready) his parents basically INSISTED they hve some getting ready shots specifically at their house (they didnt get ready there because there was 500 OOT people staying there an dthey have a white long haired dog that sheds and DH is allergic to…..)… so at 3 min to when the photog was supposed to be with me…she texted to say they JUST got to IL’s house….I was fuming because there was just NO NEED to go there (not a childhood home or anything)….yet there was literally a tantrum thrown… like a 5 year old…..
 
anyways…. it was supposed to be half their time there, and half at the IL’s but they were slow as molasses getting out the door.
 
SO point…. have their relative take their parents pics during the getting ready photos while shes with you, but do not let her interfear with the main shoots.

Post # 14
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah, your FI needs to back you up on this.  Insist that your photographer has a clause that says they’re to be the only photographers present and get your man to be insistent with his mom!  I believe in the rule of each person being in charge of the difficult relative(s) that they are related to.  His mom, he needs to deal with her!

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