future mother-in-law issues

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I lucked out and got one of the greatest, laid back FMILs ever, but my sister was in an almost identical situation.  If there’s any advice I can give, it’s nip it in the bud NOW.  It will be uncomfortable and might cause some hurt feelings, but if you don’t stand your ground with your FMIL now, it will only get worse.  It will not only cause a rift between you and your FMIL, but it will also cause problems between you and your FI. 

Post # 4
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I know you said you can’t uninvite them, but YOU didn’t actually invite them. I would stick to your guns and just explain to their parents that you cannot afford to invite them all or are choosing to have a no kids under ___ reception. Your MIL way overstepped and since she is not paying nor will she help you cover the extra cost, she doesn’t trump you and your fiance. It is your wedding as a couple, not hers as the MOG!

If you really cannot uninvite them, then I would agree with your fiance that from now on MOG doesn’t call the shots and ask him to talk to her.

Post # 5
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly I would just address the envelopes with specifically who is invited and include on the invite that Adult Reception to Follow at such and such location.

If people have questions or offended I say pass the blame if you can (our caterer does not allow children if there is being alcohol served…) if you cannot pass the blame then put your fiance in the line of fire. His side of the family = his problem.

Post # 6
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Wow.  You are being 100x nicer than I would be.  You said that you didn’t want children at YOUR wedding that YOUR parents are paying for.  That should be enough.  Then, she has the nerve to announce that they’re invited.  I’d have flipped out at that point.  Then, she has the nerve to not even pay for her extra uninvited guests.  I’d probably have screamed at her and/or hurt her at that point.

Your fiance needs to grow a pair and speak to his mother.  If not, you’ll have to do it yourself (and talk to your fiance about actually growing a pair).  Be firm.  It’s YOUR wedding.  YOU get to make the decisions.  And she’s not contributing, so she very much does NOT.  That was incredibly rude and disrespectful of her.  Probably one of the more rude and disrespectful wedding related stories I’ve ever read.

In the end, don’t sacrifice your photography budget to invite more of her guests that you didn’t want in the first place.  Offer her two options (1) if it’s simply a budget constraint, say that she can invite her extra guests if she pays for them–perfectly fair; or (2) the extra guests will not be invited and any and all phone calls, emails, or comments on the subject will be forwarded or referred to her.

Post # 7
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

what Chicagobride092010 said and goodluck!

Post # 8
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Ditto.  Hang in there. 

Post # 9
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Addie – I’ve had some similar FMIL recently so I totally feel you.  You are in the right, remind yourself of that every time you start to feel bad about the situation.

 

@ Miss Cherry Limeade: Having similar issues myself, any advice on how to “nip it in the bud?” I’d love some tips myself!

Post # 11
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

she has no right inviting peope if shes not paying for it.  pus, if she wants them to attend, why doesn’t she pay for them?  my FMIL is getting pretty demanding as well.  it is really getting on my nerves…so i know how you are feeling.  hang in there!

Post # 12
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

How are you both cheap if it’s something you can’t afford in your budget? That’s just not right! And the fact that she won’t pay for the people SHE invited to YOUR wedding? I think you have every right to be upset.

Post # 13
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Just remember that you have the power of the purse.  And it’s always the trump card.  Just like Congress always wins, you can too.

It sounds like your fiance is not being supportive.  Try making him read etiquette articles that support your opinions (and they all will).  Even though you’re right purely on logic, seeing authority behind your opinions might turn on a lightbulb in his head.

Your FMIL is ridiculous.  Remind her she already had her wedding and she’s not the one getting married.

And you won’t be a bridezilla for standing up for yourself!  It just makes you a strong woman.  Now if you go around smashing cakes for being the correct flavor…

Post # 14
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

Look this is your fault, you should have said right there at the dinner no you re not, someone put that little girl up to that. You need to be firm and take back the reigns or SHE WILL be in charge of this wedding. The fiance s mother is NEVER supposed to intefere unless specifically asked… I would call her up and be like this is how much these kids are going to cost, can you write me a check for that amt, or they will not be invited. This is not a discussion this is my wedding, my money, and my parents money and this is how it is going to be. If you are upset about this you do not have to attend either, I also do not appreciate how you handled that situation at dinner, you knew kids were not invited. If you dont write me a check I will simply make sure that the ppl with kids know that the kids are not invited, its not up for discussion so I ll give you a day to think about it and I ll call you in a couple of days or you can call me and tell me you have sent the check. period. full stop. YOU BE IN CTRL

Post # 15
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

there is a reoccuring theme in this thread BE FIRM. BE FIRM. don t even tell your fiance what you are going to if she wants to ignore you great! then you dont have to deal with her crazy ass

Post # 16
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I just went through almost the same stituation last night with my FMIL!!! I went home crying after dinner and my parents who are also the ones paying for it are furious about the whole thing! I feel that it is your choice on who you want to invite. I made clear to everyone that NO kids were invited! It just is how it is in my family! Even though it was hard she will get over it! Its your wedding and your the bride! Dont forget that!

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