(Closed) Future mother in law not on board

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@butterfly1988:  You handle this by handling yourself — that is all you can do. Do your best to be cordial and helpful to her at all times. Include her in a portion of your planning, send her a card for the holidays. Kill her with kindness, grace and goodness for the sake of your husband to be.

Post # 4
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@butterfly1988:  Pffffffft. She’s just mad she won’t be the main woman in his life anymore.

Post # 7
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@butterfly1988:  I find that as much as (I think) my Mother-In-Law likes me, no woman will ever be enough for her son. This is true for most moms out there and I know there are exceptions but for the most part it is that way. I’ve heard some coworkers say this about their son’s girlfriends or wives. It’s hard not to feel sad over it, but there is not much you can do except for not marrying the love of your live to keep her happy. If she’s unhappy it is not your fault, it’s hers because she can turn things around but you cannot do that for her. Sometimes we feel guilty for what other people do, but there’s not much we can do about it. Just keep your head up and start the wedding planning. Chances are you will have to deal with her for the rest of your life but that’s just one draw back from the happy ever after you will have with your future husband. Best of Luck!

Post # 9
8464 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@butterfly1988:  My Future Mother-In-Law hates me, and it used to bother me.  Then I realized it has less to do with the person I am, and stems from her need to have her son’s attention constantly.  As long as you and your Fiance are on the same page, thinngs will work out.  *HUGS*

Post # 10
423 posts
Helper bee

From what I read, I think that while your Fiance is sad about his mother’s attitude, he is not going to change his mind about marrying you. That being decided, both of you need to slightly back off about convincing her, IMO. Forcing his mother to be on board will only make her more resentful and unreasonable. Go ahead with the plans, be nice to her but at the same time let her realize that whatever she thinks isn’t going to change the fact that you are marrying her son. Let her come to terms with this reality at her own pace. 

Word of advice: a person can have as much hold on your mind as you allow them. Don’t let your Future Mother-In-Law put a damepener on your special time. 

Post # 11
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My last boyfriend’s mother HATED me. She only met me once, and said I wasn’t good enough for her son. So that ended things pretty quickly. We were both 19 so I got over it quick. 

Tbh though, it depends on the couple. If you are in love, and strong, and can stand being given the cold sholder from his family then you can just let her negativity fly over you. However, if it becomes too much and you don’t think its worth it, then maybe you could consider another route. 

To me, family is much more important and so if my mom/dad had strong feelings against the person I was with, I wouldn’t put them through the agony of seeing their daughter with someone they didn’t think was right and be forced to act fake around my partner only out of respect to me. It’s just not worth it, and my parents are almost right 100% of the time.

Whatever you do, do it gracefully and be the nicest you can be. If you are going to stay in that family, keep your Mother-In-Law close. 

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