Future Mother In Law Ring Strategizing and Timing Issues

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: If I tell FMIL what rings I like, what will happen?
    She'll help him buy a ring I'll love. : (1 votes)
    7 %
    She'll have more incentive to pressure everyone into weddings. : (3 votes)
    20 %
    She'll think I'm foolish and encourage him to pick a ring she likes instead. : (3 votes)
    20 %
    She'll be totally offended, because that's really presumptuous of me. : (3 votes)
    20 %
    In her excitement, she'll preemptively alert their entire family that SO and I are getting engaged. : (5 votes)
    33 %
  • Post # 3
    4366 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @veilofanonymity:  I think it would be fun to be engaged at the same time as my (hypothetical) twin sister and best friend (mine got engaged a little after me and married a little before me). But, I would pick a date after their weddings if possible. Or at least a couple months before if they are planning extremely long engagements (1.5+ years).

    I would tell your boyfriend, not his mom, what kind of ring you want. He shouldn’t be surprised that you thought about it given how long you two have been together. I wouldn’t put a price on it, just discuss style. (Yellow gold, vintage sapphire should point him in the right price direction anyways.) I would tell him you’re only mentioning it because you know its not the most common engagement ring and you plan on wearing it for the rest of your life. I would also mention that you don’t expect to get engaged anytime soon, but you wouldn’t complain if you did. He might decided to go by himself, and he should be the one picking the ring, not your FMIL. He might not like that kind of ring, so I would be prepared for a discussion if he is picturing the kind of ring your FMIL is.

    Post # 4
    1779 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 1997

    @veilofanonymity:   Are you comfortable picking out your own ring?

    Side note: Tiffany doesn’t sell “blood” diamonds nor do many other companies. Ethically sourced diamonds are very prevalent these days. Of course high quality ethically sourced diamonds are quite expensive….  If you want vintage and/or a colored sapphire,  there are issues with all mined genuine gemstones…and the metals..of course. There is always man made jewels like moissanite or cz, or even actual synthetic gemstones and recycled metal.

    In any event, timing wise,  think it’s ok to get engaged now.

    Marriage is a partnership if you have particular thoughts about what you want and don’t want in a ring (& it sounds like you do) then I would speak with your bf..not his mom. Or better yet, go shopping with him!

    Good luck!

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