(Closed) Future mother in law running xmas eve an hour! help

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Sounds like your SO needs to dig in and stick up for you, especially if you are planning on one day getting married.

He should inform his mother that he is going to be picking you up after work, and whenever your arrive is when he’s going to arrive.

So she’ll just have to start dinner a little later if she wants her son to be there.

4:30 is INSANELY early to be having dinner, anyway.

Post # 4
533 posts
Busy bee

Why can’t you just rock up late? I’ve had to meet my partner at his folks house when I’ve had to work later. Don’t see how this is ruining anything. 

Post # 7
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think it’s kind of ridiculous for a non-family member to dictate the timing of a holiday meal. Why not just come over and spend Christmas Eve with them once you get off work? You would miss the dinner, but you could still share desert with them and hopefully participate in some holiday traditions.

Remember that your SO’s mom will be in your life for a long long time and trying to maintain a civil relationship will make everything easier. Even if you think she’s in the wrong, make sure you think about whether this is worth a fight.

Post # 10
8363 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Well given that it is xmas eve I would say that a 4:30pm booking was all they could get and quite possibly it is impossible to move. It is one of the busiest nights of the year.

I also think you need to respect your FMIL’s choices for her household (the not staying over etc) as it is her house and if you and your bf do not like it then maybe it is time for him to move out and get his own place.

As for the xmas eve dinner- why can’t you just go to the restaurant. It is a public place so she cannot really dictate that you can’t join the party late. But you might want to check direct with the restaurant because they may have seating times and you need to be there at your allocated seating time to order/be seated.

Post # 12
8363 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@brokenangel:  It doesn’t really mater if her views are old fashioned- they are her views and her house so you have to respect them. In your own home you may do as you please- this is just common courtesy. And it is not that her views are contraversal or anything. Maybe that is part of the problem- that she knows you don’t respect her so why should she you?

If she makes a massive scene at the restaurant the only person that will look foolish is her and is your Fiance a grown man or a baby? If he wants to order for you then he should go ahead and order for you. Do you really want to marry someone that is afraid to order a meal for his FI?



Post # 13
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@brokenangel:  Yes, I think you’re being unreasonable in expecting them to postpone a family dinner for you.  It’s their home, their meal, their guests, their tradition.  I think you’re asking too much to have them change it all up for you, to accomodate your schedule.

Go over when you’re able.  Ask your Boyfriend or Best Friend to fix a plate for you and spend time when you’re available.


EDIT – Ok I see that it’s a meal in a restaurant.  Still, expecting them to change their tradition, especially since your not a family member, is absurd.  Even now that I’m married to my husband, I would ask his family to change their tradition to accomodate me.  You sound very entitled.

And I saw you mentioned wanting to start your own traditions once your married.  That’s great but don’t expect everyone to embrace these new traditions just because your officially married.  Family’s have long-standing traditions and they are unlikely to want to break them.  Don’t want to burst your bubble, I just think you need to be a bit more realistic about the whole thing.

Post # 14
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with the others.  This is her family, her traditions and her ideas may  be “old fashioned” but no way would my mother hold dinner for one of my brother’s girlfriends, even the one that was around for 7 years before they got married.  You said yourself she’ll most like want to get to bed as soon as they get home so maybe 4:30 is early for you, it doesn’t seem so for Future Mother-In-Law.   I think you just show up to the restaurant when you can and be gracious.

Post # 15
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Honestly, if it were me, I wouldn’t go at all.


Now were you properly invited by this woman?  Dd she know ahead of making the 4:30 reservations that you had to work until 5:30?  If so, don’t go.  Don’t get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for my in-laws, but if they pulled a stunt like this I would feel they couldn’t care less if I were there or not.


Post # 16
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Your Boyfriend or Best Friend should buck up here. He needs to tell his mom he will spend the afternoon with them but then pick you up after work and take YOU to dinner just the two of you . He will be with them all afternoon the 24th and all day the 25th. It is high time he made clear through his actions that YOU are his primary relationship now, and she needs to understand the New Order. You and Boyfriend or Best Friend need to form your own tradiition if she is effectively blocking you from hers. Good luck !!

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