future mother in-law wants us to change wedding date for her. opinions?

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: should i keep the original date as planned?
    get married in August, just as planned : (82 votes)
    86 %
    get married in October, to accommodate mother in law : (13 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 3
    2657 posts
    Sugar bee

    It’s hard to pick a date that pleases everyone.  I would stick with August – it seems like the better fit for most of your guests and for your children.  I can understand moving the date if it’s for financial or medical reasons, but simply wanting to visit in October to see the leaves change doesn’t hold as much weight to me.  

    Post # 4
    4513 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    If my FI wanted his mother there then I would change it for him. Its just one day of school so I don’t think that is a big deal in regard to the kids. The dress issue is troublesome, but still…

    Originally we were going to get married in Hawaii. Just a small ceremony with our parents and closest friends/family. FI’s mother became ill and while she is now okay, there is no way she could endure such a long flight to Hawaii. We changed our entire wedding, cancelled the venue, caterer, etc and pushed our wedding back for a year so that we could plan an entirely new one here in Pa. His parents never asked us to do this, but it is his mother and this is his wedding too. I would have felt horrible going through with it without her there.

    Post # 5
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would tell her that you’re sorry, but your date works better for your family (You, FI, kids), and you really can’t change it (and venemously add in your head “For your leaf-peeping convienence, you giant tool”)

    Post # 7
    2291 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: Central Park

    It’s not hard to pull the kids out of school for one day. If it means your FMIL coming or not coming I say move it back and add some tights to your dress plans and use a warmer cardigan. Most dresses can be taken in 2 full sizes before they start to look odd.

    Post # 8
    2915 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    If it was important for my FI that she was there, I would definitely move it.

    Post # 9
    3589 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I wouldn’t accommodate her.  She’s being a pain in the butt because she wants to see some stupid leaves changing colors.  

    Post # 10
    563 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @CloverQueen:  Did she just recently make this request? Your wedding is 1.5 months away! Just because it is a courthouse wedding shouldn’t make the date any less important; it will still be your wedding anniversary. I would not change the date. How far away does she live? It seems like she’s trying to save money; maybe she could drive instead of flying.

    Post # 11
    920 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    If there was no way she could make it and atleast one of us really wanted her there I would change it.  I wouldn’t want either of us to truly regret her not being there.

    Post # 13
    10906 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @CloverQueen:  I am usually in favor of accommodating parents if at all possible. However, your MIL’s reasoning isn’t signficiant enough in my mind for you and your FI to switch your date when you have specific reasons why you want the date that you chose.

    However, your FI’s feelings about this should be of the utmost importance. If he is willing to change the date to accommodate his mother’s already planned, fall visit, then that is something you may need to consider.

    My thought is that there may be room for a different type  of accommodation, one that would not require you to change the date. 

    Since you aren’t planning an expensive wedding, would it be an option for you and your FI to offer to pay to have your FMIL fly in for your wedding in August? If the cost is not too prohibitive, this may be a win-win. You could have your wedding on the date that is best for you. FMIL could attend the wedding in August and could still come for her fall visit to see the leaves, and she wouldn’t have to make the ten-hour drive twice or pay to fly twice in two months.

    Would that be an option?

    Post # 14
    3570 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    it seems as though she can easily come in august, but instead wants to come in october instead because that was in her mind, and she wants to see the leaves?  Is that correct OP?  If that is the case, then no, i would not change it.  If her son was a priority, she would make it work.  Demanding a certain month is ridiculous and selfish. 

    Post # 15
    2179 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2024

    Keep your date. Her wanting it changed so she can see the freakin leaves changed…stupid? Send her a box with a shit ton of colored leaves in October that should suffice.

    Post # 16
    360 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    No changing, stick with the date you’d planned. For one day (YOUR WEDDING DAY!!!!) it won’t hurt her to be flexible.

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