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I'd say don't have her as a BM, especially as FI doesn't want her to be as well.
I say no, especially if her brother(your FI) wasn't in hers. To me it says that she wasn't close enough for him to be in it, which is fine, but then he shouldn't feel obligated to have her.
I think it all depends on your situation.
I'm not a huge fan of my FSIL and FI definitely is NOT. But I wasn't around when she got married so I couldn't have been in hers, and she was kind of my obligatory ask. I just knew I didn't want to deal with the shit-storm that would follow if I didn't ask. It was just easier (for us) to deal with it.
My FI has numerous half/step siblings but the 1 sister he grew up with and is closest too isn't one of my BM or really taking any part in the "wedding"
I posted about a yr ago on this topic and the general consensus was that I should make her one. I'm very thankful that I didn't b/c there were a few bumps when it came to just dealing with her getting the flower girl dress... couldn't imagine how it'd have been if she had more she had to do.
I would just keep your FSIL's influence/input/responsibility at a minimun and let her "enjoy" ya'lls big day as a GUEST... lol
I really really didn't want my FSIL to be a bridesmaid (even though my FMIL directly asked my FH for her daughter to be my bridesmaid... aahhh!!) I compromised by making her a "witness" so she'll be in the program and get to walk down the aisle; I basically jazzed this position up because although it's a role in catholic weddings, usually the MOH is a witness, not a separate position.
So, if your FSIL is dying to be in the wedding and you don't want to create family conflict, just give her another position and make sure that the pre-wedding activities are for bridesmaids only. Or, don't include her; its your day and don't let anyone ruin it!
I really didn't want my FSIL to be in our wedding. She's not a super smiley, happy person. I'm not trying to be mean, but she really isn't. Plus she's not girly, so I didn't want her to be super uncomfortable wearing a dress and heels. But to keep the peace, I just asked her anyways. Technically she's never responded (I wrote her a poem), so I guess I better just flat out ask her what she wants to do.
You don't have to ask her if you don't want to. My FI kind of wanted her in ours, so that was part of the reason why I asked, but if your FI doesn't, then it sounds like you don't have to.
Nope... but I'm not having my sisters in my wedding, either. I think its really important to ask those who you want next to you in the process and through life, not "obligatory" people that could stress you out.
i think its fine not to ask. i have nothing against my FSIL. i actually really like her. but it didnt occur to me to ask. i asked her 17 year old daughter instead to be my BM.
If you and your FI don't want her in the wedding then don't do it. It's isn't necessary at all. And this is coming from somone who asked her FSIL to be a BM. Especially since you mentioned she's a drama queen, I'd watch out too!!! Do what makes you and your FI feel good, you might get some snotty comments from family or something but in the end it's not their wedding, it's yours. Plus, like you said, she didn't ask you to be a BM in her wedding.
Just to repeat what everyone else said, I don't think it's necessary. My FSIL is very sweet and nice, though we're not really close. And when I was thinking of who I wanted in my bridal party, the people I picked were people who came to my mind instantly were people I wanted to spend time with and felt supported by.
We did ask her to be in another part of the wedding, becaus it felt important to have her involved.
But, yeah ultimately it is your day, and if neither you or your fiance want her in the wedding party, that's your choice.
If you're not close to her and your FI doesn't want her in the party, don't ask her. That's kind of the situation we're in with my brother right now. I don't want him in the party, and my FI doesn't really want to ask him.
If you two were at all close, or if your FI wanted her to be in the party, I would say you should ask her. FSIL will be one of my bridesmaids even though we're not terribly close just because there's no good reason for her not to be.
Don't ask her.
You and your fiance don't want her, she didn't ask you or your fiance to be in her wedding, and she's expecting. If she asks why you didn't ask her tell her you didn't want her to have to be on her feet or stressed with the baby coming so soon. If she says that's not a problem tell her you've already finalized the wedding party dress/tux situation but it is so sweet of her to offer.
Thank you bees for all of your responses!! It really helps to have your input and support! I expect her to have some rude comments about it, but I would rather deal with that than wedding day drama!
I'd say don't worry about it. Especially since she's having a baby right before!!
It's your wedding right?!?!
My husband sister were not in our wedding. I don't even call them my SIL. She went around complaining and crying to everyone we knew-and she always came out looking stupid. This is both you and your FI's day and you should have standing with you those who are important to you and who you want.
Nope. NONE of the family members except for the kids are in the wedding. No siblings from either side.
It's your wedding, you get to choose.
Oh, and my FI said if I had even SUGGESTED my SIL, the wedding would've been a no-go, lol.
If neither you or FI want her in the wedding party...don't ask. My FSIL is one of my BM b/c that's FI's ONLY sibling and they are extremely close. She isn't really the drama type though...b/c if she were she would be on the front row looking instead of standing up participating...
if you both don't want her in the wedding....then pass on her! ;)
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I need some advice. I don’t want to have my FI’s sister as a bridesmaid and he doesn’t want her in the wedding either. Long story short…she’s a drama queen and FI doesn't want her ruining our day. Basically, she likes to be the center of attention and does immature stuff to get there and she's 30.
When she got married a few years ago she did not ask me to be in her wedding and her other brother was a groomsman and not my FI. She is also pregnant and will be having a baby a few weeks before our wedding. I have three long-time friends I want to ask and have been close to for years. Since neither one of us wants her in the wedding how bad is it if I don’t ask her??