(Closed) Future SIL as bridesmaid…is it necessary?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4682 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I’d say don’t have her as a BM, especially as FI doesn’t want her to be as well.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I say no, especially if her brother(your FI) wasn’t in hers.  To me it says that she wasn’t close enough for him to be in it, which is fine, but then he shouldn’t feel obligated to have her. 

Post # 5
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it all depends on your situation.

I’m not a huge fan of my FSIL and FI definitely is NOT. But I wasn’t around when she got married so I couldn’t have been in hers, and she was kind of my obligatory ask. I just knew I didn’t want to deal with the shit-storm that would follow if I didn’t ask. It was just easier (for us) to deal with it.

Post # 6
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

My FI has numerous half/step siblings but the 1 sister he grew up with and is closest too isn’t one of my BM or really taking any part in the “wedding”

I posted about a yr ago on this topic and the general consensus was that I should make her one. I’m very thankful that I didn’t b/c there were a few bumps when it came to just dealing with her getting the flower girl dress… couldn’t imagine how it’d have been if she had more she had to do.

I would just keep your FSIL’s influence/input/responsibility at a minimun and let her “enjoy” ya’lls big day as a GUEST… lol

Post # 7
Member
29 posts
Newbee

I really really didn’t want my FSIL to be a bridesmaid (even though my FMIL directly asked my FH for her daughter to be my bridesmaid… aahhh!!) I compromised by making her a “witness” so she’ll be in the program and get to walk down the aisle; I basically jazzed this position up because although it’s a role in catholic weddings, usually the MOH is a witness, not a separate position.

So, if your FSIL is dying to be in the wedding and you don’t want to create family conflict, just give her another position and make sure that the pre-wedding activities are for bridesmaids only. Or, don’t include her; its your day and don’t let anyone ruin it!

Post # 8
Member
1869 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I really didn’t want my FSIL to be in our wedding.  She’s not a super smiley, happy person.  I’m not trying to be mean, but she really isn’t.  Plus she’s not girly, so I didn’t want her to be super uncomfortable wearing a dress and heels.  But to keep the peace, I just asked her anyways.  Technically she’s never responded (I wrote her a poem), so I guess I better just flat out ask her what she wants to do.

You don’t have to ask her if you don’t want to.  My FI kind of wanted her in ours, so that was part of the reason why I asked, but if your FI doesn’t, then it sounds like you don’t have to.

Post # 9
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Nope… but I’m not having my sisters in my wedding, either.  I think its really important to ask those who you want next to you in the process and through life, not “obligatory” people that could stress you out.

Post # 10
Hostess
11299 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

No it’s not necessary so I wouldn’t ask.

Post # 11
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i think its fine not to ask.  i have nothing against my FSIL. i actually really like her. but it didnt occur to me to ask. i asked her 17 year old daughter instead to be my BM.

Post # 12
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

If you and your FI don’t want her in the wedding then don’t do it. It’s isn’t necessary at all. And this is coming from somone who asked her FSIL to be a BM. Especially since you mentioned she’s a drama queen, I’d watch out too!!! Do what makes you and your FI feel good, you might get some snotty comments from family or something but in the end it’s not their wedding, it’s yours. Plus, like you said, she didn’t ask you to be a BM in her wedding.

Post # 13
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Just to repeat what everyone else said, I don’t think it’s necessary.  My FSIL is very sweet and nice, though we’re not really close.  And when I was thinking of who I wanted in my bridal party, the people I picked were people who came to my mind instantly were people I wanted to spend time with and felt supported by.  

We did ask her to be in another part of the wedding, becaus it felt important to have her involved.

But, yeah ultimately it is your day, and if neither you or your fiance want her in the wedding party, that’s your choice.

Post # 14
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

If you’re not close to her and your FI doesn’t want her in the party, don’t ask her.  That’s kind of the situation we’re in with my brother right now.  I don’t want him in the party, and my FI doesn’t really want to ask him.

If you two were at all close, or if your FI wanted her to be in the party, I would say you should ask her.  FSIL will be one of my bridesmaids even though we’re not terribly close just because there’s no good reason for her not to be.

Post # 15
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Don’t ask her.  

You and your fiance don’t want her, she didn’t ask you or your fiance to be in her wedding, and she’s expecting.  If she asks why you didn’t ask her tell her you didn’t want her to have to be on her feet or stressed with the baby coming so soon.  If she says that’s not a problem tell her you’ve already finalized the wedding party dress/tux situation but it is so sweet of her to offer.  

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