Post # 1
Ive just spent the most hideous 5 hours with my future SIL. Up till 6 months ago we had an alright relationship. We are very different people, she’s very loud and obnoxious and up til 6 months ago found this to be cute.
She is set to marry my BIL in 3 months and is not the typical bride. She doesn’t really do anything for the wedding in terms of planning or preparations. Her and my BIL are ‘activity challenged’ they spend everyday/night alone at home on the lounge drinking and they love it that way. They dont have many friends so when it came to picking groomsmen for their wedding it was a challenging task. He contemplated asking a friend he hasn’t seen in 20 years to be a groomsman.
In the last 6 months my future SIL’s behaviour has been atrocious towards the family and it’s getting worse everytime I see her. She constantly tells my MIL to f*ck off and passes it off as a joke. My BIL finds this endearing, stating they are close so that’s why she does it. I think it’s just completely rude and so does my MIL. My MIL is far from perfect and has given me a hard time but I would never tell her to f*ck off.
We had lunch at my IL’s yesterday and she was the worse I’ve ever seen her. Openly rude to me and MIL, demanding specific meals but refusing to help, then bitched when lunch was an hour late but she did nothing to help us prepare. Her and her 24yr old daughter (from previous relationship) were the first at the dining table to eat, didnt wait for everyone to get there to start eating and the first to leave the table.
The family don’t believe she loves my BIL and she once told me that she’s nicely set her future up by being with my BIL. I can see that she doesn’t love him but my BIL is just blind to all of this. My SIL comes from a rough background, she what you would call a ‘bogan’ or ‘red neck’ so is very different from the rest of the family.
I’m convinced that once the wedding is over shit is really gonna hit the fan. I think we may see who she really is once the ring is on her finger.
My DH is the best man so wants to plan a bucks night for his brother. She won’t allow him to have a bucks night. When my DH tried to talk to my BIL yesterday about it she spoke for him. He didn’t say a word. She said that she’s planned an afternoon bachelorette and the boys are to go away for a few hours during the day while she has her bachelorette and then come back for a BBQ to have together.
In the 10 years her and my BIL have been together he’s allowed her to stop him from going out to do anything with his brother. She makes it very difficult for my BIL to do anything alone, he can’t even go out for a haircut without her, she’s very possessive. So in her mind a bachelor party is out of the question. There is so much more to tell but I’ll spare you all the details.
Don’t know what I’m asking for here but I really needed to vent my frustration for my blind as a bat BIL.
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Post # 2
I think as long as nobody stands up to her behaviour it will get worse…. It’s obvious your BIL wont do anything and I am sorry about that. I can only imagine how much worse it will get once they are actually legally married. I am sorry you have to deal with this. But maybe next time you see her, call her on her behavior and see what happens? I am sure your husband and MIL will back you up on that at least. And it might help open your BIL eyes?
Post # 3
If your BIl is happy , I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. They may be sitting back talking about your relationship too.
Post # 4
She sounds awful, but fortunately or unfortunately she is not your problem to deal with. If your BIL is happy to go along with her obnoxiousness, then that’s his decision. Perhaps it would help if your husband talked to him about more appropriate ways for his fiancee to speak to your MIL, but I would strongly suggest that you not get involved personally because that is how family rifts start.
Post # 5
They’ve been together ten years and actually they sound like quite a good match. If she was planning this marriage to con him or set herself up for life, then she’s sure spent a long time planning it. Your BIL is probably quite happy sitting at home on the couch, drinking and doesn’t want to do “activities.” I think the idea of a joined BBQ sounds nice, not every man wants to do a traditional bucks night. What I’m trying to say is stop worrying about your BIL and his relationship just because it’s not your cup of tea (unless there’s signs that he’s unhappy or abused in which case your husband needs to talk to him).
She does sound like an annoying person to be around though so I sympathise with you and your MIL. Your MIL could ask not to be spoken to like that but to be honest, that’s probably just going to encourage your SIL to do it more. unfortunately we all have people in life that we’d choose not to spend time with if we can help it (family members, colleagues, friends’ spouses) but you just have to deal with it for the sake of your BIL.
also, you come off a little judgemental about her being “a redneck” and from a “rough background” so make sure you’re not subconsciouly showing that when you’re around her. Maybe she picks up on the vibe that she doesn’t fit in with the rest of you and that’s not very nice for her so she’s acting out.
Post # 6
ABeeC: thanks for the feedback, yes you’re right I do come off judgemental and I try really hard to keep my opinions to myself. I think I was trying to paint a picture here of the situation more than anything else. I guess I unwisely gave myself permission to call her a bogan here because she likes often pokes fun at the traditions in my culture, but i know better and try to do better (mostly).
I’m frustrated that her bad behaviour is now spilling over onto me. although I have told her to be more mindful of her behaviour towards me but in one ear out the other.
I just have to minimise the time I spend with her during family get togethers.
Post # 7
smileyme: kudos to you for recognising that, I was worried I sounded too harsh in my message.Thats all you can do really, keep it classy and try not to let it affect you. Be thankful you don’t have to see her all the time!
Post # 8
Maybe it’s not as bad as this, but men can be in emotionally abusive relationships too, and it’s easy to forget that. If she won’t “let” him do anything, that’s cause for concern.