(Closed) Future SIL Drama! Need Advice please

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would say she is out of the wedding. Why would you want someone unhappy up there with you on your wedding day?! Your BM’s should be SUPER excited for you. Not just up there to make their brother happy. Find someone else to take her place that is happy for the both of you and your love for each other 🙂

Post # 4
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

1. Your FMIL isn’t responsible for her grown daughters behavior, and I suspect she probably can’t force her to apologize if she wanted too, and it’s not fair to force her into the middle of this.

2.Your Sister in law was expressing herself in what she texted and while some of her viewpoints are negative. I noticed she wasn’t name calling or being blatantly rude. Her behavior in bowing out last minute to the dinner and not fulfilling her requirements aren’t cool and you have right to be annoyed and upset. To be honest people who adopt it’s all about me me me and constantly reminding people it’s my day rub me the wrong way,so I could see where she coming from.

3. I think your Fi was wrong to  ask her to apologize, she wasn’t name calling and she didn’t do anything that I think raises to level where the gauntlet needed to be thrown down like that.

4. Clearly she doesn’t care about being in the wedding party. My advice to you guys is to let it go. She doesn’t have to be a bm, but she should be invited to the wedding as a guest. This seems like a very small and petty reason to dis invite a sibling to the wedding. I think you should encourage your Fi to make peace with his sister and while you guys don’t have to be buddy buddy with her, you can be polite and let her come to the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Ugh. sorry you have to go through this. Its just not fair. You are right, this is one of the only days in your life where it is all about you. I hate that people can’t just be happy for you and have to start this kind of drama. 

Since she made it clear shes only in the wedding for her brother and not you – I wouldn’t feel bad at all telling her shes no longer welcome to be apart of your bridal party. I’d check with your fiance first to make sure thats ok with him though.   

Post # 8
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

First  of all. I am totally in your shoes right now. :/ Dont let this ruin your day. I would say let it go, find someone else. It will most likely bug you on your wedding day that she is standing up there when Im sure you might feel she doesn’t deserve it. Find another bridesmaid. If she shows up to the wedding then fine, if not, dont let a petty SIL ruin the day you will always remember.

Post # 9
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I just thought I’d reply and give *hugs* and let you know I had similar issues with my SIL while planning my wedding. 

Anyway, sometimes SIL drama needs nipped in the bud. Do not feed the SIL. Some SILs are touchy, mine is suuuper touchy. I used to get along with her and then her and my BIL moved away so I didn’t see her ever. She’s the queen of drama, she picks fights with everyone for no reason, calls our MIL and rants about my BIL (her husband) being an idiot, wanting to divorce him, he’s a horrible father, wonk wonk. 

I also got the ‘IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU’ crap from her about our wedding when she tried to turn it into a family reunion, rent a pontoon and stay for 3 days after our wedding (which was impeding on our honeymoon) to go catch fish and we were expected to go with. I said no, put my foot down and said I wasn’t okay with anyone impeding on our honeymoon. Ohhh I got the ‘YOU’RE A SELFISH %^!!&#’ and ‘IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT YOU, IT’S ABOUT OUR FAMILY SEEING EACHOTHER, YOUR WEDDING IS JUST ON THE SIDE’ for a good month or so. I won that war in the end, my parents made sure their cottage at the resort was only reserved until the next day at checkout and then my dad got my husband and I a cabin up in Grand Marais, MN about 100 miles away from where we were for our honeymoon instead.

 

I feel your pain. 😐

My advice is that she’s out. Tell her, don’t take any BS and bend for her, stay firm. No is no. No ifs, ands or buts about it.

At your wedding or your reception, if she begins to create trouble and cause a scene at the wedding, if you need to, call the police and have her removed from the property. (If your venue has security, use them.) Don’t let her ruin your wedding. Warn her and then have her removed. It sounds cruel but her behavior is what’s cruel and over the top.

You shouldn’t have to stress, it sucks. I was stressing over my wedding almost all thanks to my SIL. I was on Xanax 2 months out from our wedding date because I kept losing it on everyone from all the stress she had me under. As soon as it was our wedding day, I was off Xanax and just fine.

Don’t make it your mission to teach her a lesson. I’ve had the same feelings about my SIL and attempted. Bad idea. Not because of my MIL or FIL (neither like my SIL) but because my SIL is a bully and brings others into everything and it turns into just nasty name calling, ugly words, telling you to hurt yourself, any form of verbal bullying you can think of. I’ve been in tears for days after things she’s said. My husband sticks up for me but my BIL is such an idiot, never knows what happened and says I called my SIL all these things. As a result, my husband and BIL don’t speak now. (My husband doesn’t resent me for it, he’s realized that everything he had thought about his brother was extremely skewed and inaccurate, but I feel horrible still.) She’ll eventually learn one.

Good luck. 🙂 It’ll work out in the end, just keep that in mind.

 

Sorry if I was rambly or didn’t make sense. The thought of my SIL makes my blood boil and my mind races, lmao.

Post # 10
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@amc0619: Wait, did I write this post?! Seriously, you and I are in the same boat! 

Almost. 

The difference between you and I is that I did not ask my FSIL to be a bridesmaid. She was pregnant when her brother proposed to me, and we had an extremely rocky few months (she lived with us for a while after she came to us to tell us that she was addicted to heroin… long story short we kicked her out at the beginning of last year and it didn’t go so well. FYI — she’s clean now and has a beautiful baby boy). I knew that she would be extremely busy as a new mom and unable to participate the way that I would expect her to in all of the wedding plans. 

My decision was difficult because it upset FI and FMIL. The only one who seemed to take it well was FSIL. She understood and actually seemed glad not to be burdened by it. 

Anyway, I’m sorry you’re having a rough time with FSIL & FMIL. In-laws can be crazy. But try and keep your head up. Kick her out of the wedding. 

Good luck, it’s such a hard situation! 

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