Post # 1
My fiance and I have been putting together our final guestlist for the reception these past couple of days so we can mail out our invitations soon. My fiance and I are a little stuck because his sister is inviting a TON of her friends without consulting us. Since the beginning, she has been using our ceremony/reception as a way to make it "all about her". She has talked to my future MIL about all these guests and MIL said "it shouldn’t be a problem". So we are stuck…because is we don’t, it will start family agruements. But is we do….we are stuck with the bill and people coming the the reception we don’t know at all! We only wanted to invite people we knew and are close to and it seems like no one else understands that. We have already had to change so many things for this wedding for other people that its to the point where it doesn’t feel like our ceremony anymore. We feel kinda left out which is sad considering its our day. Grr! I’m so frustrated because I always planned for this wedding, but it doesn’t seem like everything my fiance and I would like for our wedding is even going to happen. I don’t know what to do or how to make this more about US then THEM.
Post # 3
have you considered the after party concept at a local bar? you could even ask future sil to organize it. if possible, this might work as a way to keep unwanted guests out of reception while avoiding family feud.
Post # 4
First of all, I certainly wouldn’t let this be OK. They’re not YOUR friends, they’re HER friends. Let your FI call up and say, "you know, what, we’re really not cool with the idea of you bringing your friends to our wedding because it’s too many mouths to feed, it’s expensive, and we really don’t want people there that aren’t our family or friends"
If she whines about it, fine, whatever. Funny how it’s always easy for the FMIL to say it’s ok when SHE isn’t paying.
Or just tell your sister that if she wants to invite her friends, you aren’t paying for them, she should! I bet that stops it fast. How old is she anyways? it sounds like something a teenager would do!
Post # 5
Ouch! How frustrating. I would find SIL and ask her how many people she’s invited and if there are any more she can think of. Look at your guest list and either tell her that you can only include a few or none. If she’s inviting people without asking, then it is her fault for any hurt feelings. Not yours.
Post # 7
Well, I guess I’m on the flip side of this issue. When we were planning our guest list, we let his sister invite three people that she wanted. We planned for them. We told her we didn’t care who they were or if we knew them, we just wanted her to have fun with her friends, too!
Is it appropriate for her to invite people you don’t know without asking you first, no! But we looked at it as we wanted all of our guests to have fun, and since his sister wouldn’t hardly know anyone there, we let her invite other people. Maybe tell her she can invite x number of people, and any over that amount she’ll have to pay for. And maybe it’s only one person, but it still something for her, and it might be a good compromise for the situation.
Post # 8
ejs4y8, she is about 20 years old…..and she acts so immature! She expects everyone to treat her like an adult but she behaves like a child.
I love all the ideas of "sending her the bill" haha – she would probably stop in her tracks if I told her she was going to be "sharing the bill".
Its just so frustrating because its like she doesn’t understand that this is OUR wedding, not HERS. I don’t know what to do with her anymore. My finance is almost to the point of not inviting her to either the ceremony or reception….but that would probably cause more drama then prevent.
Post # 9
No. You cannot allow this. That’s as much of an answer as anyone needs.
Post # 10
I’d tell her that she can invite who ever she wants to the batchelorett party and the after party, but it would mean a lot if at the wedding she would just focus on spending time with the families…b/c that’s what wedding are about the uniting of two families.
And if she still wants to be selfish, just put your foot down and say that she can live for a couple hours without her friends, and if not then tell her that you’d be more than willing to buy her a coloring book so that she can entertain herself at the reception.
Post # 11
I would tell her that you are unable to PAY for all her friends to attend, but if she wants to put up the money for everyone she has decided to invite, you’ll keep a table open for them (in the back, but don’t say that). If she can’t afford her friends, you can’t either, they’re obviously not THAT important to her anyway.
Post # 12
I agree with previous posts, it sounds funny but tell her to pay up! I would say, "its $X a plate, if you could get your amount to me by 2 weeks before the wedding that’s great. If you aren’t planning on paying for your friends, perhaps it may just be easier for them to meet up after the reception for an after party."
Post # 13
Let her know you’ll be paying for three of her friends (and possibly her dates) but that more is an incredible cost (give her cost of each person at reception) and that with the recession and all (MY FAV EXCUSE), either she will have to pay out of pocket for more to attend, or she can only have the 3.
Post # 14
It’s not fair for you to have to pay for her freinds. If she wants to hang out with them so much she can wait until after the reception and go out with them herself. You do not need to pay for her freinds when you dont know them. If you are scared of starting a family feud then you can always look at your list and see if you can sqeeze in a couple of extra people, then tell his sister that she can only bring X ppl with her and any others will be asked to leave. I am evil nd caniving, if my future family did that I can see my dad throwing them all out or calling the police to arrest tresspassers at a private event….
Post # 15
I agree with some of the others. Just put your foot down and thats that!! its your day and you dont need to look back on it yrs from now and wish you had put your foot down then. Good Luck
Post # 16
This is nuts! She doesnt’ get to dictate your guest list. I’ve never even heard of that. I have heard of inviting 1 or 2 of a sibling’s friends, but how many are you talking about? It sounds like FSIL has been spoilt by FMIL for her entire life. but you are not obligated to ocntinue to enable her. I do think, however, that your FI needs to deal with this and not you. It might be that he’s not used to confronting his family, but now’s a good time to start. I’m not saying don’t compromise at all, but you and your needs/happiness need to be part of your FI’s priorities too. Or you might have FSIL inviting friends into your labor and delivery room one day!