(Closed) Future SIL is inviting HER friends to the reception!!!!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

have you considered the after party concept at a local bar?  you could even ask future sil to organize it.  if possible, this might work as a way to keep unwanted guests out of reception while avoiding family feud.

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

First of all, I certainly wouldn’t let this be OK. They’re not YOUR friends, they’re HER friends. Let your FI call up and say, "you know, what, we’re really not cool with the idea of you bringing your friends to our wedding because it’s too many mouths to feed, it’s expensive, and we really don’t want people there that aren’t our family or friends"

If she whines about it, fine, whatever. Funny how it’s always easy for the FMIL to say it’s ok when SHE isn’t paying. 

Or just tell your sister that if she wants to invite her friends, you aren’t paying for them, she should! I bet that stops it fast. How old is she anyways? it sounds like something a teenager would do!

Post # 5
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Ouch! How frustrating. I would find SIL and ask her how many people she’s invited and if there are any more she can think of. Look at your guest list and either tell her that you can only include a few or none. If she’s inviting people without asking, then it is her fault for any hurt feelings. Not yours.

Post # 6
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I say send her a bill.

Post # 7
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

Well, I guess I’m on the flip side of this issue.  When we were planning our guest list, we let his sister invite three people that she wanted.  We planned for them.  We told her we didn’t care who they were or if we knew them, we just wanted her to have fun with her friends, too!

Is it appropriate for her to invite people you don’t know without asking you first, no!  But we looked at it as we wanted all of our guests to have fun, and since his sister wouldn’t hardly know anyone there, we let her invite other people.  Maybe tell her she can invite x number of people, and any over that amount she’ll have to pay for.  And maybe it’s only one person, but it still something for her, and it might be a good compromise for the situation.

Post # 9
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

No.  You cannot allow this.  That’s as much of an answer as anyone needs.

Post # 10
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d tell her that she can invite who ever she wants to the batchelorett party and the after party, but it would mean a lot if at the wedding she would just focus on spending time with the families…b/c that’s what wedding are about the uniting of two families.

And if she still wants to be selfish, just put your foot down and say that she can live for a couple hours without her friends, and if not then tell her that you’d be more than willing to buy her a coloring book so that she can entertain herself at the reception. 

Post # 11
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I would tell her that you are unable to PAY for all her friends to attend, but if she wants to put up the money for everyone she has decided to invite, you’ll keep a table open for them (in the back, but don’t say that).  If she can’t afford her friends, you can’t either, they’re obviously not THAT important to her anyway.

Post # 12
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with previous posts, it sounds funny but tell her to pay up! I would say, "its $X a plate, if you could get your amount to me by 2 weeks before the wedding that’s great. If you aren’t planning on paying for your friends, perhaps it may just be easier for them to meet up after the reception for an after party."

Post # 13
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Let her know you’ll be paying for three of her friends (and possibly her dates) but that more is an incredible cost (give her cost of each person at reception) and that with the recession and all (MY FAV EXCUSE), either she will have to pay out of pocket for more to attend, or she can only have the 3.

Post # 14
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It’s not fair for you to have to pay for her freinds.  If she wants to hang out with them so much she can wait until after the reception and go out with them herself.  You do not need to pay for her freinds when you dont know them.  If you are scared of starting a family feud then you can always look at your list and see if you can sqeeze in a couple of extra people, then tell his sister that she can only bring X ppl with her and any others will be asked to leave.  I am evil nd caniving, if my future family did that I can see my dad throwing them all out or calling the police to arrest tresspassers at a private event….

Post # 15
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree with some of the others. Just put your foot down and thats that!! its your day and you dont need to look back on it yrs from now and wish you had put your foot down then.  Good Luck

Post # 16
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

This is nuts!  She doesnt’ get to dictate your guest list.  I’ve never even heard of that.  I have heard of inviting 1 or 2 of a sibling’s friends, but how many are you talking about?  It sounds like FSIL has been spoilt by FMIL for her entire life.  but you are not obligated to ocntinue to enable her.  I do think, however, that your FI needs to deal with this and not you.  It might be that he’s not used to confronting his family, but now’s a good time to start.  I’m not saying don’t compromise at all, but you and your needs/happiness need to be part of your FI’s priorities too.  Or you might have FSIL inviting friends into your labor and delivery room one day!

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