- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
I’m wondering if I can get some advice from some people on how to deal with this future sister-in-law issue…
She and her fiance were engaged Xmas of 2010. I was super happy for them, as they’d been together for over 5 years by that point and it was a nice surprise (she thought he would never propose). They didn’t set a date, didn’t set a date, didn’t set a date (although they were doing certain things, like starting a guest list, picking the bridal party and she bought a dress), and in September 2011, my fiance proposed to me. We called our parents and siblings that morning, and everyone was happy except for her. After we had finished telling our extended family we changed our statuses on facebook. The very next day, my future SIL announced on her facebook status that they had set their date for the following September 2012.
When we called her to communicate with her what we were thinking of, regarding wedding plans and our wedding date, she said ‘don’t get married in 2012, that’s when I’m getting married’. Truth be told, I knew that she would say something like this, but I was honestly so happy that my fiance actually asked me to marry him that I was so completely elated, I was willing to concede to whatever anyone wanted lol. Now I think it’s absolutely ridiculous that she would want the whole year to herself. It’s one day! Her moment is one day. Not a week, or a month or 6 months or a year!
In October 2011 my fiance’s family had a 75th bday party for their grandma and we were all just talking about weddings, as one of their cousins (who I was a bridesmaid for) had just gotten married that summer. My friend (their cousin) asked me what I was thinking for colours, and I said dark pink, and FSIL piped up ‘Ugh, you’re gonna put me in pink…’ I was thrown aback because I had not asked anyone to be a bridesmaid yet! Granted, usually the sister of the groom is asked to be a bridesmaid, but not always. So I just said ‘Oh, well, you don’t have to wear pink, guests can wear whatever they want.’
At xmas 2011 we asked FSIL and her fiance if they had started honeymoon plans and they said no. I told them that I’d like to talk about what they’re doing, because my fiance and I were wanting to start planning our social (it’s a popular Manitoba thing-a fundraising dance most soon to be married couples put on to raise money for their wedding and party with their friends). My fiance and I live in a small town and our social venue is outdoors so it needs to be before winter since to have a social within a month of your wedding is just daring yourself to be completely stressed out and overloaded (we’re getting married in June 2013 and manitoba springs can be very cold and wet).
FSIL’s fiance says they want to leave right after the wedding, then whips out his iphone and starts picking dates for us to have our social. ‘No, no you’re not picking our social date, we’re not moving our social date for you, we just want to know when you’re honeymoon is so we can plan around that.’ I said
FSIL says (in a really snotty voice), ‘well, we’re not moving our honeymoon for you’. That kind of shocked me because I had not said anything mean, and to not even be open to discussing dates (they hadn’t set their honeymoon remember..nothing was set yet!). So I said, ‘why not? We moved our wedding for you.’ Which was true. She wanted the whole frickin year to herself and I didn’t want to make waves so we set our wedding for June 2013.
Anyways, everytime we saw or spoke to FSIL or her fiance we asked if they had planned their honeymoon and everytime they said no they hadn’t so we planned our social for oct 6 2012. When my fiance called his sister yesterday to wish her a happy birthday, he asked her again if they had made honeymoon plans. Whe she said no, he told her that we had set our social for oct 6. She hung up on him and phoned her mom whining that we were mean and set our social date for a night she couldn’t come because she’d be on her honeymoon! WTF!?!?
I spent the entire day yesterday hurt and angry that she would make something all about her, when it’s supposed to be about 2 people, neither of them her. If they haven’t booked their flight or hotels then they are perfectly capable of coming to our social. We would have it on the 13th but I have another bridesmaid who has solid plans (and told me upfront) that she is photographing a wedding in Saskatchewan that weekend, and the next weekend our venue, which is outdoors, is booked. After that, in Manitoba, there is a major chance of snow and we won’t have a place in town to have it.
I don’t want to spend my engagement angry at my FSIL for being a jerk, but I don’t want to be a pushover and give in everytime she has a tantrum either. How can I stand my ground without sounding like a selfish jerk as well? I am lucky that my fiance sees things the same way I do. We both want to be considerate, but enough is enough. She’s not an evil person or anything, just very self-involved!