Future SIL/Bridesmaid HELP!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@danioneill:  Personally I wouldn’t have her in my wedding party given that past.

Post # 4
Member
4827 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

I would definitely not have her in your wedding party. She was kind of a real jerk to you.

Post # 5
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Don’t do it.

Post # 6
Member
7193 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@danioneill:  H3ll no! If she asked you to be a BM it would be a different story, but why should you be obliged to ask her if she never asked you? There is no obligation and no need to ask her or justify yourself. Ignore her hinting.

Post # 7
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It’s tricky, as not not hurt her feelings make sure you have a party full of ppl you know very well so tis like there simply isn’t any room.. then she can’t get offended mind you it sounds like she will 

I would not want her part of the day b.c she hurt you and it soudns like it would upset your mom and how your mom feels is important too. it’s not like she asked you so no need to feel like you have to 

Post # 8
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee

@danioneill:  Your bridal party shouldn’t be out of obligation. Especially when a person shit-talked you to your future family. No way in hell.

Post # 10
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

No. Maybe if you want her to still be a part of the big day give her something else to do like a reading or something but don’t burden yourself by including her in the wedding party.

Post # 11
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@danioneill:  She’s you FI’s brother’s wife, right? Then nope. Not in it. The brother should be in it and leave it at that. Especially if she was a witch to you in the past.

Post # 12
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@danioneill:  Could you ask anyone else to be the 4th? Or ask FI to drop the last guy so you guys are even and it’s truly “siblings” only (plus one bff)?

Post # 13
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Squaw Valley

@danioneill:  My opinion is going to be the minority one here, but maybe asking her wouldn’t be a terrible thing.  If a. you guys have gotten to a better place and are working on a more positive relationship, b. you are one BM short, and c. she’s already offered to help you through your planning process.  Maybe she realized she was a jerk to you in the past and wants to make up for it?  Also I think that not including her when you have 3 BMs vs. his 4GMs could be more of a set back in your relationship.

Post # 15
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Have you ever ‘cleared the air’ with her and asked her about the bad mouthing?  You could be honest and say that you really want people who love and support you in your wedding party.  And that you think your relationship with her is in a good place but you were kind of hurt by the way she talked about you in the past.

If she likes you now she will probably be apologetic and embarassed.  If there are still residual bad feelings there…you will know that by her guilty face and actions.

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