Future sister in law ALWAYS has to do one step "better" than me

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@lenabee:  Whuuuut?? NO. She is obviously attracted to him and doesn’t like female competition so she’s trying to get his attention off you and onto her. She sounds needy and very immature. The problem is, if you say something to her, she knows she got to you. FI needs to tell her to back off. Or her own boyfriend needs to tell her to back off. How does he feel about his girlfriend snuggling up with his brother?? That’s extremely weird. 

(Edited to change wife/husband to bf/gf because I misread!)

Post # 6
Member
380 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@lenabee:  wait, what? Your future sister in law is flirting with your fiancé? Isn’t that her brother?! 

Post # 7
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Ha! This story is super confusing, is she the fiance of your fiance’s brother? Or his sister?

Post # 8
Member
23 posts
Newbee

I think you need to tell her to back off. Maybe if she sees that you’re noticing she will take the hint?

Post # 9
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@lenabee:  whoa, what a weirdo. That is creepy. You shouldn’t feel bad about not spending enough. Just because she tries to turn this into a competition shouldn’t mean you feel obliged to play along. 

as to her weird behavior, I would a) have your FI repeatedly tell her to back off and b) have you pointing out in front of her BF when she’s crossing the line. It may not be polite, but this has got to stop and maybe the only thing that helps is if she feels embarrassed in front of or for him? Like when she announce the price of your FI’s gift, you could have been like: “whoa, you got my FI THiS when your BF got sth that cost half the price? Am I the only one who finds this a bit odd?” did your FI talk to his brother yet? I would NOT be happy if I was him. 

It does sound like she’s into him, sorry. 

Post # 10
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@lenabee:  Yeah I re-read your post and then edited mine! Have they been together long? She might just be a temporary addition to the family. FI needs to take control of the situation. If she comes and sits next to him and snuggles, he needs to remove himself from the situation. If she texts him, he needs to ignore it or text her back and directly say that the xoxo etc is inappropriate. She might be all butt hurt that her flirting isn’t working but in the long run it will be easy to cope with if she is shut down with every single advance. With the money thing, I would say something to her in front of everybody (maybe because I can be a bitch) and just say “WOAH! You spend $350 on *my* FI?? Wow… that’s even more than you spent on your own boyfriend. Are you sure you can afford to spend so much money on someone who isn’t even close to you?” or words to that effect. Drilling in that not only was she crossing the line with that, but remind her that FI doesn’t consider himself close to this brazen hussy at all. 

Post # 13
Member
9529 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Eh. Annoying but not the end of the world.

About the spending amount. I initially thought that maybe she just happened to find the perfect present and so was willing to splurge a bit. And maybe she knows something that she knew her boyfriend would love  so didn’t worry about the cost so much. Honestly, I think how much someone likes something is way more important than the amount spent.

But then you said she seems to always outspend people. Sounds like she isn’t very good with her finances. Which sucks for her, but no skin off your back!

As for the flirting, I’d leave it to your fiance. If it bothers him enough he’s ask her to stop. I’m a naturally affectionate person, so I imagine she doesn’t see it as flirting with your fiance. She’s juts being friendly. When I visit my inlaws it’s not unusal for me to go sit by my brother in law on the couch and put me arm through his or put my head on his shoulder and ask how things are going. But I do the exact same thing to his fiance. I’m not hitting on either one of them. I’m just affectionate. None of what she’s doing seems wildly inappropriate so i’d just leave it to your fiance to decide how to handle it.

Post # 14
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

@lenabee:  Yeah, this is so wrong. When I first started reading I thought you were talking about his sister and when I started getting to the flirting bit I was like WHHHUUUUTTTT??

I would tell my FI that it made me uncomfortable that she spent so much and that he shouldn’t accept it. Probably cause a huge fight, but that’s me. I wouldn’t accept something from his brother like that. It is just weird.

Post # 15
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

@FutureMrsHarris2014:  When we are around my FI’s youngest sister I get the feeling she is jealous of our closeness. The first time we met I was calling him Joe Joe, he only let her call him that when they were younger, and she got so mad because he let me call him that now.

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