Post # 1
I thought I had chosen my bridal party, but then my FMIL came over to tell me that if I did not ask my FSIL to be a bridesmaid, she would be “crushed, devastated, and heartbroken”. I do get along with her very well and she is very sweet. My dilemma: She does not drink, is extremely conservative, and she is just completely the opposite of my other bridesmaids (who, btw, are completely insane, drunk, fun, party girls). What is the right thing to do in this situation?
Post # 3
If you like her, I probably would. I’d explain to her that your friends are different and tell her that you hope it doesn’t bother her – basically a heads up, perhaps? One of my BMs sounds very similar to your SIL, but she was fine at the Bachelorette. Granted none of us are SUPER drinkers or anything too wild! Lol.
I included who I consider my “FSIL” even though it’s a bit different <– she dates my BIL, but they’ve been together almost as long as we have! haha.
Post # 4
I would probably add her. It’s much better for her to be included and experience a bit of discomfort than to feel left out and hurt. Plus, you may even get to know her on another level…maybe you just haven’t seen her crazy side yet!
Post # 5
Except for certain situations (multiple FSILs, strained relationships) I think it’s always best to include the FSIL. Especially if she has a close relationship with your FI. Ultimately, it’s your wedding so you should do what you think is best, but when it comes to family, I think the best decision is to includer her.
Post # 6
I would definitely ask her! Who cares if she doesn’t drink? I asked mine and she was so touched and it has definitely brought us closer!
Post # 7
@SakiBombingBride: I don’t drink, am pretty conservative, and I have/had a BOATLOAD of crazy party girl type friends. Just because you don’t drink and you may be a bit more conervative doesn’t mean you can’t get along and have fun…just a thought 🙂 If you get along w/ your FSIL and like her, I’d say give it a shot. The only part where personalties can possibly clash is at your bachelorette…at which point, if your FSIL has a problem, then she’ll just have to deal with it. It is your wedding/party/events after all 🙂
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Invite her along. She may let loose and surprise you. I would however provide an out for her if she feels uncomfortable with any of the bridal activities.
Post # 9
i think the only wedding related event where that stuff would be an issue would be the bachelorette party. unless your friends plan to have a keg stand competition at the bridal shower 😉
i think you’ll be fine to include her and she will be ok with your friends. if she is truly not into a traditional bachelorette party, just give her an out!
Post # 10
Include her! You never know, she may come out of her shell when out with you and your friends. I’ve seen that happen, the quite, conservative girl ending up becoming the life and soul of the party regardless if they drink or not. Why don’t you organize a mani/pedi afternoon with the other BMs so that they meet in a safe situation. That’s not a crazy party atmosphere and may help her feel a bit more comfortable.
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
If your only hesitation is because of her values– include her! If there is an event she’s not comfortable with, she wont go; it’s that simple.
Post # 12
You can ask her to be in your party but tell her she doesn’t have to come to the crazy drinking party events? I’m sure she will just be happy to be in the wedding..and hey maybe you will bring her to the wild side!!
Post # 13
I say if your only reason to not have her is that she is more conservative then the rest of your girls and doesn’t drink, then I would say have her as a BM. I’m not having my FSILs as BMs nor is my SIL a BM since I couldn’t have one without the others and there just wasn’t room for 3 more BMs, but we’re using all our nieces and nephews as flower girls and ring bearers.
Post # 14
I think to save the drama, you should probably just add her. I had to have 3 FSIL in my wedding party. None of them came to the bachelorette or bridal shower though. One of them is also still in HS so she couldn’t partake in all the festivities, but it worked out ok.
Post # 15
I chose my FSIL as a bridesmaid and never looked back!
She is more quiet and shy than the other 3 BMs, who are really loud and crazy, but she surprised me and came out of her shell when she was around them.
Having her as my also BM really brought us closer together and I feel much closer to her now than I did before.
I think you should go for it! Just because she doesn’t drink, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t know how to have fun!
Post # 16
I would definitely ask her to be a bridesmaid. I know when my brother married and I wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid my feelings were a bit hurt. Although I hadn’t been super close to SIL prior, my brother and I were super close. I felt left out definitely. As the others have stated, you will get a chance to get to know her better and I think she would appreciate being included.