Post # 1
I need some help…
Should I put my FSIL in my wedding just because I was in hers (we are marrying brothers)? Ever since I started dating my boyfriend, she has made it clear that she does not like me. Our personalities clash, and she really doesn’t even get along with anyone else in the family. She will go out of her way to be rude to me and treat me very bad. I don’t feel like she deserves to be one of my bridesmaids when we don’t even get along and we never talk, even when we have get togethers with the family. She will completely ignore me; I’ll at least try to be civil. I don’t like the feeling of being obligated to put her in the wedding, but I also don’t want to cause more tension than there already is. Please, please help me. Is/Has anyone been in this situation; I could really use some advice!!
Post # 3
I know a friend that isn’t putting her soon to be sister in law in their wedding. Because she is the same way. She is rude, obviously does not like the bride, and doesn’t try to get along with her, talk to her, etc. So I would say don’t put her in. It’s your wedding and you shouldn’t be stressed about it. Plus, she’s probably rather have it that way. Talk to your fiance and see what he thinks. Your bridesmaids are supposed to be your close friends/family/people that are there for you…. NOT someone you don’t even get along with!
Post # 4
Don’t do it! My FSIL has always been very rude to me for the entire time I’ve been dating her brother (over 8 years!) and I decided not to ask her. She is very angry about it and is actually threatening not to come. When asked why she is so mad she can’t even give a reason, she says she would say no if I did ask her! So don’t feel pressured at all to ask, people like this will be unhappy either way.
Post # 5
Well, sort of in the same situation. My fiance’s sister in law is not in our wedding and she just recently threw a temper tantrum. I am not bending over backwards for her. She doesn’t mean anything to me, or really to my fiance. Oh well. Don’t feel pressured.
Post # 6
You should not feel obligated to ask her. Besides, this is your fiance’s brother’s wife, not his sister. I know you think you should "return the favor" but I think the other girls are right. You and her would be much happier not being that closely involved on what is to be your happiest day!
Post # 7
In no way are you obligated to have her in your wedding. She sounds like a miserable person, and you don’t want someone around you like that on the big day.
Post # 8
That is a tough situation! On one hand, you don’t want to have a bridesmaid who you don’t get along with, but on the other hand, you don’t want to make the relationship worse by not asking her.
I think it is interesting that she asked you to be in her wedding even though it sounds like she does not get along with you very well. How was it being in her wedding? You say she doesn’t get along well with the rest of the family. It kind of sounds like maybe she just has a difficult personality in general and it’s not necessarily you who she dislikes.
I would say talk to your fiancé and see what he thinks. I’d also suggest talking to her if you want to try and salvage the relationship. You could say something like, “Fiance and I would really like you to be a bridesmaid in our wedding, but we don’t want you to feel forced if it is not something you’d like to do.” That way at least she has an out.
I don’t think you have to include her – I’m just afraid that if you don’t talk to her about it at all, you may further damage the relationship and regret it later. You know your situation better than anyone though. Good luck!!!
Post # 9
You asked, "How was it being in her wedding?" Basically she told me what dress to get and what time we were getting our hair and nails done. She didn’t involve me in anyting that she did: like finding a dress, her bridal portraits, which everyone else went to, and to be honest, I was completely fine with it. I was in it just b/c they asked me and I wanted to support them in their day. And you’re completely right, she does have a difficult personality and it’s not necessarily me who she dislikes, although, a lot of times it does seem that way b/c she’s just flat out rude.
We’ve talked about it before and he says the ultimate decision is up to me. He would like her in it just b/c I was in her wedding, and b/c she’s in the family, but he knows what she’s like and the way I feel about her, and he thinks that it will cause more family drama.
And about saving the relationship, I’ve tried being her friend and I’ve tried to be nice, but a relationship goes 2 ways, and after a while, you just kinda give up.
Thanks to everyone who has given me advice; I really appreciate it! Keep it coming 🙂
Post # 10
Yes, both my fsil and my current sil are in my wedding.I did not feel obligated to have her in it by any means, but i also had/made room to add her. More than anything it touched me how touched she was that i asked… 🙂
Post # 11
I’m in this type of situation and it does make things awkward.
My DH’s sister was of my bridesmaids but I wasn’t asked to be one in her wedding (though I had been told I would be her Matron of Honor but that’s another story).
Even though she and I weren’t super close it hurt pretty badly when I heard from her brother that I wasn’t in the wedding. It still hurts months later. I think it will be better after her wedding in 2 months but for now – it sucks. It’s put an even bigger strain on our friendship.
It may bring you closer together.
Just something to think about…
Post # 12
I’m in a similar situation, and it is rather sticky. My sister is my MOH. My brother, however, is not in the wedding party. I love him to death, certainly, but he’s never gone out of his way to be kind to my fiance, nor are we super close at the moment. I don’t think my fiance should have to make him an attendant when at best, my brother tends to ignore him and is often flatout rude. I do feel a bit bad about it – it hasn’t come up in conversation with him yet, so I don’t fully know how he feels about it, but it certainly can’t feel good. When I was my sister’s MOH, he was a groomsman. Neither my sister nor I are attendants in his wedding, but it’s certainly not retaliation for that. I think maybe I’d feel better about it if our attendants were even, but I have 2 female and 1 male attendant, while my fiance has 2 male attendants. It seems like adding insult to injury that we chose to leave it uneven rather than asking him.
Post # 13
OK, so keep in mind that I am a huuuuuuuuge pushover, but if I were you, I would ask her if she would like to be a bridesmaid (and hope she says no!) If she accepts, I would keep her role limited, much as yours was in her wedding.
Here’s my reasoning – you are likely going to have to deal with this girl at every major holiday and family celebration for the rest of your life. If you don’t ask her to be a bridesmaid and she wanted to be one, it sounds like she is the type of person who will never, ever get over it (especially since you were in her wedding). Although I’m sure you would like to, she’s not somebody you can just write off, avoid, and never have to deal with again.
Also, I assume that your fiance’s brother is in the wedding party? So, even if you don’t ask her to be a bridesmaid, she will still be at all the big wedding events anyway. At least you know that if she’s asked to be a bridesmaid it’s one less thing she can complain about! I don’t envy your situation at all, and like I said, I’m a huge pushover when it comes to this stuff, so take all my advice with a grain of salt if it doesn’t fit your personality.
Post # 14
I asked my brother’s sister to be a bridesmaid, but sort of regret it. I hosted a brunch where I had made each girl a mini bouquet with attached card asking to be in the wedding. She couldn’t come, which is usually the case when it comes to anything I/we invite her to so I never really had the chance to ask her. We put her on the wedding website and she signed the guestbook with "I am in the wedding?" Then, my FI tells me that she said, "I hope (insert my name) knows how expensive it is to be in a wedding. I can’t afford to go to a bachelorette party or anything." While all of these little things weren’t the best to hear, I have to shrug it off. My FI told her that she doesn’t have to be in the wedding (we get along, but I know she doesn’t like me because of my political views), but she said she wants to. She has made more of an effort lately when she came to the dress picking out thingy, but she sulked the whole time and wouldn’t try anything on. At this point, I have to accept the fact that she isn’t a happy person and I am. I am going to have a great wedding and not worry about her. She’s an adult and can take care of herself and I shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells.
I think that you should only ask her if it is important to your fiance. Maybe she’ll say no or just wear the dress and stand there for the ceremony. Either way, you can remove yourself from her negativity and enjoy your engagement and wedding regardless.
Post # 15
my FSIL is standing up on my FH’s side. If we hadn’t done that, though, I wasn’t necessarily planning to make her a BM. We get along great, but due to distance we’re not super close and I wanted to keep the number of attendants small. I don’t think she’d have minded. But, that’s my opinion. My sister thought it would be horrible not to have her in the BP (and she also thought it would be horrible for my FH not to ask my brother, who will end up standing with me). OTOH, my brother, who due to distance isn’t super close to my FH didn’t think it would have been a big deal. so my rambling point is that I don’t think it’s a big deal not to include your FSIL in your wedding party…and if she’s not so nice anyway then it probably will be better for you. But a lot of people don’t share my opinion and think that it’s obligatory to include FSIL’s…so I think you should try to feel out your FI’s family a bit. It doesn’t sound like you can do much to make your relationship with your FSIL worse, but would it offend your FMIL/FFIL? If yes, then it might make sense just to go ahead and include her to keep those relationships strong. It doesn’t sound like she’d be around for much mor ethan the ceremony anyway.
Post # 16
of course you have to have her in your wedding. You were in hers and she is going to be family member! Start off on the right foor and dont give her a reason to not like you!