My future sister-in-law (FSIL)and I have always been on friendly terms. I have known her brother (my fiance) for over 10 years and I believe have a fairly good relationship with my future in-laws. My fiance and I got engaged a few weeks after my FSIL at a time that really made sense for all of us. My fiance and I had finally finished our masters degrees and are now in financially stable positions to get married etc… My FSIL and her fiance are really sweet people and are also at a point where marriage makes sense (they have been dating 2 years and finished with school and working etc).
Shortly before our engagement my FSIL set a date for A Thursday in July 2013. After our engagement my fiance and I debated a lot on venues and timing and learned that the venue we wanted that was in our budget only one date left for Summer 2013 and it was 3 weeks before their wedding. Since we are paying for our wedding ourselves we wanted to go ahead and book that date. We do not live near family and know that most of our family and friends would have to travel to our destination wedding and therefore were not really expecting to have a large wedding. Especially with My FSIL’s wedding coming up a few weeks later. The family and friends that we hoped to have at our wedding all explained that a summer date would work much better than a fall or winter wedding as many of them work with an academic calendar.
We were all set to sign our contract when we heard that my FSIL was furious with our decision to have our wedding so close to hers. She called and left a message on both my phone and my fiance’s phone explaining that she was uncomfortable with us getting married so close to their date and even told my fiance that she didn’t think we should get marriend within 3 months of her date (before and after). We had many painful conversations with her with most of them ending in tears. She kept saying that having our wedding before her date would take away from the specialness of our days. She would literally hang up on us as we tried to explain how our location and time were going to be completely different from her date and that we wanted her to come to our wedding to relax and celebrate family before her own wedding. Her parents kept telling us that she would come around and were in favor of our double header wedding summer as they live overseas and would only have to buy one set of international plane tickets intstead of coming back and forth. After a few days she quit talking to us and her parents. It was very upsetting as we found out that she had told fairly different stories to all my future in-laws (grandparents, aunts, uncles, family friends) most of them about us stealing the specialness and purposely trying to steal her thunder… It was a very unwelcoming feeling. We finally gave in and decided to have our wedding the following summer instead. With the hope that time will heal this awkwardness. I am still very angry with her for bully us about a date. We were very happy for her and her fiance and know that it is literally just wedding season but I still feel very weak for letting her have her way. It does give us a lot more time to save for our wedding but it is frustrating that we are having what is almost a two year engagement just to throw a party. I am still happy for my FSIL in a small way…as in I think she and her fiance are really great together but I am still very angry about the petty way all of this was settled. I don’t really know how to face my future family at her wedding.
@july2014bride: That sucks :/ I have to be honest, I can totally see her point about a wedding 3 weeks before hers, even though it’s a little irrational and you shouldn’t be able to reserve a whole wedding month… But 3 months on either side of her date is really ridiculous, and I’m so sorry you have to wait a whole nother year.
You get one day and your SIL is definately acting like a bridezilla. Personally I wouldn’t have moved my date. No one owns a whole month let alone 3 months prior or after their wedding.
@july2014bride: I was in a very similar situation. My FSIL got engaged in April which came as a total surprise to everyone. My FI and I were already planning on getting engaged after I finished school and moved in with him so it felt like they kind of stole our thunder before it even happened! They ended up planning a July 2013 wedding as well. I happened to overhear my FSIL tell my then bf over the summer that he shouldn’t propose to me for another year (we had already been dating for 7 years at that point and did not want to wait any longer) She kept trying to convince him but he didn’t listen and proposed in September. It would have been sooner but the ring took a while to make. After that, his family tried to tell us that we would have to wait until 2014 to get married because we couldnt get married the same time as them AND she said we absolutely could not get married BEFORE her because she was older and had gotten engaged first.
In the end we ended up choosing a date 2 weeks after their wedding bc he has family traveling from out of the country and they agreed to stay in the US for 2 weeks but would not make separate trips for both weddings (we thought maybe August originally) and bc our grandparents are old we dont want to wait til 2014.
I think she has gotten over it now……I hope.
I hope you dont get any more negativity from her!
Again…I do understand that 3 weeks isnt a lot of time. But there literally werent any other dates that summer available. I would’ve like some space too but the wedding season and summer dates when most people are willing to travel…is kinda limited…
That sucks. I honestly…wouldn’t have changed the date. 3 weeks is pretty close. But as a guest…I would be happy to go to both and I couldn’t imagine 1 affecting the other in my mind. and I couldn’t imagine delaying my wedding an entire year!!
I know of a brother and sister who married within 2 weeks of each other, no one cared. Sorry but she doesn’t get 6 months (3 before and after) of time. She gets her one week (day). If it was the week before it could get hectic…but I think 3 weeks is actually a decent amount of time.
That is messed up! Seriously, seriously messed up! If she would not have listened, I would written a letter or something so that she at least got the information. I have a situation that I am more and more hoping it doesn’t turn out this way.
I hope everything works out for you! *hugs*
Wow. You have a lot more patience for that kind of behavior then I would have put up with. I don’t think it was really fair or very nice of her to expect you to not plan your wedding 3 months before or 3 months after her wedding. I think that is kind of selfish and very bridezilla of her. You have a right to get married and it is pretty ridiculous that you had to rearrange your wedding to fit her needs and demands. Especially moving it to the following year! I wouldn’t even invite someone like to my wedding after behavior like that. I hope that she apologized for her irrational behavior?
I would be pissed if a sibling of mine scheduled their wedding for 3 weeks before mine. Logistically, it’s a nightmare, and honestly, I think it’s rude.
I feel bad that you had to reschedule for a whole entire year later, though.
I’m sure time will heall the awkwardness. However, I do want to say that your FSIL has a very important point. Even though you explained that it would be in a different location etc, wedding preparations are all about the bride and groom and if you decide to get married so close to her you will take away time from both of you, but I’m glad you guys worked things out. I witnessed this with my DH’s friends. 2 siblings and a friend (DH) got engaged the same year and married the following. The worst part was the 2 siblings relationship being tarnished by their SO’s constantly competing to have the best wedding. DH’s close friendship with them fell apart because we were too in the middle of things and they were competing against us as well from attention and what not. I assure you that as long as you don’t plan to do things at the same time as her (like dress shopping and stuff). She won’t feel threatened and things will patch up quite easily (Hopefully). Kuddos for you for reaching an agreement with her.
i don’t think she is right but I want to share my personal story.
My sister is getting married December 18th I got married October 20th. I am super jealous that the second my wedding was over it went right to hers- her engagment got announced at my bridal shower and I am super happy for her but I’ve had to share with her. I’m a big attention “whore” so some of us just struggle with it. I’d never say anything about it out side the bee and I know my feelings are stupid but some of us are just big attention getters….
I’m sorry your going through this and hope relationships work out well… as my relationship with my new sister in law— ended up getting ruined over the wedding and she looks like a total bitch in my photos she is giving me a dirty look even! so just be the bigger person!
That really sucks!
But I can really see both sides of the situation. I understand why your SIL could be so upset. However if that is what worked best for you guys then you should of stuck with your guns.
But I do have to say that you have a really big heart to move your wedding date. I would of told my SIL to shove it. That I was getting married on that date and if she doesn’t want to get married within 3 month of the wedding then she can change her date.
I say as long as you didn’t choose the same weekend then she has no right to complain.
@july2014bride: While a couple only truly get one day, I do fully understand her being upset. Choosing to get married 3 weeks before their planned wedding is rude. I get venue availablity and all that, but this is your FI’s sister, and all of his side would have to travel for 2 weddings so close together, that’s rude to the potential guests.
You both knew when they were planning their wedding for, and between getting engaged shortly after they did and then in turn picking a wedding date only a few weeks before theirs totally comes across as trying to upstage them.
Planning your wedding so close to theirs causes them stress, your parents stress and your guests from FI’s side stress. It causes many of them to have to choose between the two siblings, and that really is unfair.
If it were me, and my sister decided to get married 3 weeks before my wedding date, which we had booked over a year in advance, I would be pissed. 3 weeks out from a wedding is when things start getting really stressful for the couple, everything starts being due, final numbers, final payments, finishing touches, bachelor and bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners and for many the bridal shower happens in the month before the wedding.
I totally see both sides, HOWEVER, the way she dealt with it is what is annoying. If you really couldn’t get married at a logistically better time within the year, and she was willing to listen to your side of the story and really hear you, I don’t think she would have been as upset.
The feelings get hurt in these situations when a couple books their date really close out of spite, competition, what have you. (Which obviously isn’t the situation here).
I see your SIL’s point, but I’m sorry that this happened to you. It’s extremely rough on family members to travel to two weddings in one month. It’s a financial and time burden. We got married 6 month’s after a cousin’s wedding and we still felt bad about it. Lots of people were unable to travel twice in one year to a wedding, etc.
I do realize that you only get ONE day to be a bride, but I think for close relatives (especially siblings!!) a three month spacing is kind.