- 9 years ago
- Wedding: August 2009
The weekend before Christmas my little brother, my only sibling, was going to propose to his GF of 6 years in our hometown in PA. To celebrate my FH and I were going to throw them an engagement after the public proposal for everyone at my parent’s home. We were also going to use that weeekend to celebrate my FH’s first Christmas with my family, opening gifts, going to church, a nice meal, the works. A week before the proposal, my brother’s GF, who is still in college, penned a letter to a guy "friend" of hers expressing how she really wanted to be with him (the guy "friend") and other terrible things that were essentially a love letter to someone this guy "friend". My brother, who was helping his GF study for finals (my brother has been out of school for a year) saw the letter on her computer and of course asked her about it which lead her to confess she had feelings and considered herself kind of emotionally dating this other guy and my poor brother was devastated and blind sided and long story short broke off the engagement.
After the break up my bro came to stay with my FH and I in VA and it was an awful couple of days — seeing him so hurt and torn apart…as someone who is planning their own wedding and deeply excited about all aspects, from the superficial to the super serious, I (and my FH) could really understand where all the hurt and confusion would come from. He stayed with us for a few days and then returned to PA.
Since then, he has (somehow; inexplicably), reunited with his EXGF. The EXGF even went to my parents and my grandmother and apologized for her behavior and her actions. My parents are taking it slow (and hopefully so is my brother) in welcoming her back but they have forgiven her and are trying to move on.
I on the other hand, have not. While I’m past the part where she hurt my brother TERRIBLY she has since been quasi-ruining things for me and especially for my wedding.
- Christmas with my family was TERRIBLE. My FH and I went home the weeekend the proposal was supposed to happen and we tried to celebrate anyway. My brother was a mess and you could cut the tension with a knife. My brother also tried to reconcile with his exgf on CHRISTMAS EVE, leaving my mother alone in our home, crying on the phone to me because she was sad and lonely, and essentially busting up my Christmas Eve between my FH and I because I spent the whole night upset about what was going on with my family.
- The EXGF had been asked to be a bridesmaid. When my brother broke up with her, I told him that she would not be included in the wedding. Apparently she didn’t ever get that memo and recently found out about being excluded. She threw a major crying fit and demanded her money back for the dress.
- My mother, for the sake of reconiliation, demanded that I find a way to refund the money to the EXGF. I finally had to awkwardly ask a BM who is a dear friend to pay me for her (the BM’s dress) and I could give the EXGF that money and the bridal salon could use the money they already recieved for the EXGF’s dress for my BM’s dress (AS A BRIDE I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD NOT BE DEALING WITH THIS NONSENS!!!). My mother and I also had an uncomfortable and unsettling stand off while the details were being worked out.
- And the coup de gras is that I do NOT under any circumstances want the EXGF at my wedding. To me she has put SO MUCH of what is supposed to be a relatively happy and stress free time (with my family at LEAST!) and when I show up that day at the chapel, the thought of seeing her there makes my heart sink. My family, especially my mother, thinks differently. They think her wanton disinclusion (is that a word?!) is going to make me look like a bad person and that she may actually end up as my FSIL (?!?!?!) one day and that it would create really bad blood going forward.
I feel so bullied and ganged up on. I have no idea how, despite the fact she has made ammends, apparently with my brother, an exBM would even WANT to come my wedding. It’s causing HUGE tension between my mom and me and I don’t want to fight anymore. I also REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY don’t want her there. And my mom just doesn’t want to hear it. And frankly all this fighting between my family and I is making me resent the EX now GF even MORE because I should be enjoying the 6 months before my wedding with my mother, not fighting about this not so nice girl.
Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?! Please help! I’m so upset!