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This is my last post about this I promise. I just feel like I'm going to lose my freaking mind.
About two months ago FI got a job at a local bank. He has to wear business clothes all the time now so I'm ironing a lot lately. I didn't really know how to iron before he started working there but I've had to learn which means a lot of help from his mom. It's been frustrating for me because it takes me so long to iron them and I've told him I would teach him how but I keep thinking that me, as someone who has just started learning, teaching him would be a bad idea.
Last night it took me almost 20 minutes for me to iron his shirt. And by that time I was going to throw the iron at the wall. When I got really frustrated he told me to go as his mom what she thought it looked like because she's been ironing a long time. I refused saying that she's really good at it and it just makes me look weak.
I mean, I'm going to be his wife soon and here I am asking his mom for approval about his ironed shirts?! And I'm so damn sick of her critiquing them in the morning saying that I did a bad job on this or that when I think it looks great. Its like she so much more superior over me in this one thing and it makes me wanna scream.
I feel stupid for being mad but FI is just like, it's not that big of a deal to ask her. But to me, it is. I'm about to be his wife and she has to help me iron his shirts? Isn't there something wrong with this?
I don't see a problem with asking for help. His mom always digs in (jokingly) that I don't know how to hem or sew. I also told her that I don't care to know. It's not my thing. She's tried showing ms before but nothing stuck to me. I didn't care. My suggestion? Let her do it for now. Stick it to her. She will finally grow annoyed that she's ironing her grown son's shirt. So the two of you, together, can learn. Men iron too. I get the idea of being old school, but there can be compromises. Good luck.
He should be doing them himself anyway. I have a hard time understanding why anyone has to be taught how to iron too. Unless she's doing some kind of professional ironing job, what's the big deal in getting wrinkles out of clothing and how wrong could it be? Are your creases down the sleeves crooked or are you burning the collar?
This is definitely not such an important skill to have that you'd be frustrated about, so I wouldn't give it much thought or worry. If he's not happy with it, let him take them to the cleaners and get them done.
@Krises: I actually came to say this. Honestly, I am not judging you for chosing to iron his shirt. But if that was my FI I would say F THAT!
You want your ish all pretty, get off your butt and do it yourself.
No offence to you or anything tho.
@Krises: Exactly! DH irons his own shirts in the morning.
If your FI irons them, only he can be critiqued. Or the cleaners is a great and inexpensive way to get it done!
I am also not judging. I enjoy cooking so i like to do it for my FI. I dont mind doing laundry so i'll do his.
HOWEVER when it comes to ironing, I dont like to do it. So either he goes wrinkly or he takes his shirts to the cleaners.
Just because you are a woman, doesnt mean you have to subject yourself to things you do not like to do. I would tell your FI what i told mine:
"Honey I love you and would like for you to look tidy and neat. I, however, hate ironing. I have tried and it's just not my thing. I guess you're gonna have to take your shirts to the cleaners..."
Yea I'm in agreement with the above. If you want to iron his shirts, fine. But if he has an opinion about how you do it (other than "thank you so much for doing this for me") then he can get off his ass and do it himself. He is a grown man.
I really dont see why you need approval for an ironed shirt, I think it should be pretty obvious if the shirt is well ironed or if there are still wrinkles in it. Why dont you google "best way to iron a shirt" and then follow instructions. I personally dont understand how hard it can be to iron a shirt, women wear shirts too. I usually iron the collar first and then the "difficult" areas [the front and back of the shoulders and then the rest is pretty straight forward..
WTF? Why the hell are you ironing his shirts? I'm sorry but - what? Are you a 1950's housewife? No. If he needs ironed shirts he can iron his own damn shirts. This is just ridiculous. Don't stress yourself over this, you don't need his mom's approval or anyone's. He's a big boy and can take of himself.
totally agree with you! I HATE to iron, its just tedius, i'd rather wear it wrinkled or take it to the cleaners and they can do it lol! I wouldn't worry about it, if it looks ok then give it to him, if not let him do it. :)
It sounds to me like you feel, on some level, that ironing skills are a measure of how good a wife you will be and your FMIL is going to think you aren't good enough for her little boy because you struggle to get rid of wrinkles. I could see myself feeling the same way if it was in my face every day, but try to just let this one go. Spend a couple minutes on it, then say "good enough." And if his mom wants to give you a tutorial on ironing, maybe you should let her - it might make her feel nice to teach you an old school housewife skill. Over time she'll probably need your help with things too. And get a little spritzer bottle to mist the shirt as you iron, it should help get the wrinkles out.
@Krises: Yes! Agreed.
@SweetRose2011: Ok, I understand you want to be the good wife and help him out. But really, if he or his mom is going to critisize you on how you did, have him do it himself, or tell him he can ask his momma to do it. It's just an ironed shirt, its not that big a deal, it'll be wrinkle again once he leans on the chair, or folds his arm. As long as it doesnt look like it just came out of a squished pile... good enough!
I LOATHE ironing...if my MIL wanted to do it I'd let her.
I seriously tell my husband what day I'm going to iron and tell him to have his stuff ready or he's doing it himself (which he can). Also an iron with a steam and spray option can help a lot.
Your husband should know how to do it as well. Plus there are a LOT of wrinkle-free dress shirts now - perhaps buy some of those and pull them out of the dryer immediately - then you can just do touch-ups if needed.
Get a steamer!! Seriously, it's super easy to get all the wrinkles out, and they're only $30. It sounds like she's the only one with the problem, and that your FH really doesn't care (which is awesome). I can't iron for sh*t - if it's no wrinkles, I'll steam it, but if it needs a crease, DH has to iron it. I think a lot of it is that I don't know and can't remember where the creases are supposed to be and how the shirt is supposed to lay. It drives me nuts too.
IMO though, if you're not living together, there's no need to do his laundry. That's not your job yet.
Ladies, she doesn't need to be knocked about ironing. Things are done differently here in the midwest, and it's ingrained into our brains. Even if she knows that it's not necessary, sometimes we just feel the need. And um, we don't always have dry cleaners (my hometown didn't have one - closest was about 45 minutes away). Just saying.
I understand that this is important to you and that you want to do this for him but this is something he should be doing for himself or taking his shirts to the drycleaners. This is not your responsibility. If anything, you should be questioning why his mother didn't teach him how to wield an iron when he was younger.
@sparkle: Wow thats abit harsh "If anything, you should be questioning why his mother didn't teach him how to wield an iron when he was younger."
But the same could be said of the OP right since she doesnt know how to iron either?
You know what? If it were MY fiance, and he didn't care the way I iron his shirts, I would gladly hand that responsibility off to him. It's his clothing. THere's no reason he can't iron his own clothing.
Have you tried using a steamer instead? Does just as good as an iron in half the time and nothing gets burned. I have never owned an iron in my life, much less used one! lol. Sorry you are having to deal with that!
@bells I didn't mean to beharsh so I hope you and the OP aren't offended. I think she's making the effort to do something nice for her FI and is being told it is not good enough.
Two words: WRINKLE RELEASE.
By Downy, I think. It's in the aisle with the laundry detergent and stuff. WORKS MIRACLES with wrinkles. And no ironing required.
Trust me. It works. I HATE ironing. I suck at it. And I don't even OWN an Iron. My FI's mom will iron if we let her. We live in an apartment and we don't have a washer/dryer and we wash the clothes at his parents.
Otherwise, if he's gonna complain, let HIM do it. Maybe then he won't complain. ;)
My dad hates the way everyone irons their shirts...so he would do all the ironing..I honestly hate ironing (and so do all the women in my family). I seriously joked that FI would have to take over my dad's job when he retired his iron board.
I agree with everyone...have him do his own ironing! He can take a few minutes the night before to get his shirts ironed!
@Zinzerena: Another vote for wrinkle release! When I had an internship I would leave my clothes piled around the room and they would have huge creases in them and were in general wrinkly. I would use my roomie's wrinkle release with a liberal hand, and then hang them up overnight. It never failed me :). It's even better if you can put it in the dryer after you've put the wrinkle release on.
If that or the steamer method doesn't work for you guys, though, totally make him do it himself. My mom tells me all the time that I have to be able to do certain things to be a good wife (usually revolving around cleaning), and I've learned to just tune her out.
Bee's I'm so perplexed - why are so many of you giving the OP advice on how to iron her ungrateful FI's shirts? Come on ladies - it's 2011, say it with me now - He. Can. Iron. Them. Himself. I think it is ridiculous that FMIL even expects OP to be doing the ironing. Crazyness! Ah, OP stick up for yourself honey. You're not anyone's maid. I'm all for helping out around the house and all that - but this is a responsiblity that I believe falls on him. Please, stop beating yourself up and being discouraged about this. You did your best and it was sweet of you to offer, but you don't need to be doing this. Focus your energy on other things.
@JrzyGurl: I iron my husband's shirts for him b/c it takes me 5 minutes to his 30...so am I a 1950s housewife b/c I do it?
He dusts for me b/c I hate it...I vacuum b/c he hates it. He takes out the trash, I clean the bathrooms. He cooks, I clean up.
It's about a partnership and doing something for someone you love. It doesn't have to be this sexist thing that you're making it out to be. And yes, I enjoy ironing and helping him out so we don't have to waste money sending them to the dry cleaners and I don't have to watch him struggle for a half hour to iron one of his shirts.
OP - the next time his mom says something, just smile and say, "well, I wouldn't want to show you up!" It's hard to be criticized by someone who is good at something that you're not. So don't ask for her approval and just do what you keep doing. You'll eventually get better at it and it will be a very quick thing for you soon enough. I was terrible at ironing when I first started, but you eventually figure out your own way of doing it and get better at it every time.
@2PeasinaPod: I understand your point. You're really good at ironing and don't mind doing it. But OP clearly doesn't like it and is struggling with it. I personally would HATE to iron my FI's clothes. Or my own. lol. I'm just not good at it. I just think the idea that she "has" to do it is what makes it sexist in my eyes. That's all. I don't mean any offense to anyone. It's all about partnership and pitching in, but at some point a line needs to be drawn where her FI should say "hey babe - you don't need to iron my clothes, I can do it myself". But to each their own.
@2PeasinaPod: hehehehehe "5 mins to his 30"... I love it! and, it's actually true in many ways! That applies to many things with me, my FI, and our kids. Sometimes, you just gotta do it yourself to get it done faster. And better.... ;)
I also agree, completely, on marriage being a partnership. Well, any relationship, really.
@jo.lee: the dryer? really?? Hmmmm... will definitely have to try that when we get a house AND a dryer!!
@Zinzerena: LOL it's totally true. One dress shirt takes me 5 minutes and he's still trying to figure out where the water goes into the iron!
Oh yeah, I totally don't mind ironing for my fiance, but if he ever complained about HOW I iron, that would be the last time I did it for him.
First of all, let me say, I had no idea this post was going to be so active!!
Second of all, about the whole I should teach him how to iron it is because I feel like teaching him would only take longer than me doing it. My mom TRIED to teach me when I was younger but I wasn't interested in learning how to iron my dad's work clothes at the time.
Third, I live with him (and his mom as we live with out Future in laws right now) so that's why I would be asking her approval of things after I'm done with it
I don't feel like by doing them I'm committing a sexist act. I think that I'm doing something nice for him because I love him. Yes, I'm getting a little frustrated that he's not being grateful so I may just resort to teaching him after all but like someone previously said I like doing these things for him because I'm his fiancee and doing these things make me happy. NOT because I feel like it's my "role".
As far as
@sparkle: I think that there are a lot of things he doesn't know how to do but that doesn't mean I just don't deal with it. I still love him the same. If anything he's far from a sexist pig.
@sweetrose2011 In no way did I call your FI a sexist pig or suggest you don't love him. In fast, I did post that I didn't mean to be hard or offend you (or bells).
We barely ever iron anything... if it's wrinkly coming out of the closet, it gets a 10 minute fulff in the dryer, and the sometimes if it's warranted, I'll press a shirt collar and that's about it. FI does the same, usually we both pick our outfits in the morning and throw them in the dryer together just to spruce them up, and we're off :)
I actualy like ironing, but you don't so I don't understand why this is a "nice" thing you are trying to do. We wash the shirts and hang them up after they come out of the dryer—good enough for us. But when things have to be super pressed, my husband irons them himself.
If your FMIL critiques them, just have her do them. I do think it's ridiculous that he's not doing them himself, but if for some reason this is the norm at your house, just be like, "Hey want to do this crappy job? Go for it."
my husband irons his own shirts every day. that way he can have them look the way he wants them too.
if you want to do it, then you're going to have to accept constructive criticism until you can get it "right".
It sounds like you are more annoyed that he is telling you to let his mom approve of your ironing, I would totally be annoyed by that too. I'm guessing he doesn't mean it quite that way. He is probably thinking of her more as a resource, an "expert" you can consult if you need help, not realizing that the way he says it makes you feel like he wants her approval of your work.
I think you should just let it go this time. If he says that again, talk to him when you aren't annoyed and let him know that while you appreciate his input, his approach isn't great and explain how it makes you feel.
In the meantime, I'd try the Downy spray before ironing. Ironing goes much easier if the clothing is a bit damp from the Downy spray. Of course, I say this, but I don't iron at all. I consider the $1.40 a shirt I pay to have my husband's shirts cleaned and pressed to be a small price to pay to avoid the aggravation of ironing.
PS - If he will be buying new shirts anytime soon, look for ones that are wrinkle-free. You sometimes can get away with catching them right out of the dryer (if they haven't sat) and hanging them. If they still need a little ironing, it is usually just touching up and they are way easier to iron than non-wrinkle-free shirts.
This is a situation of "if you want something done right, do it yourself" you are right, your doing this to be nice, and it makes you feel good doing something for him (I'm the same way) its the whole approach of "its not the right way" that stings esp when he is presenting it as a "compared to my mom, this is wrong."
if he doesnt like how you do it he can do it himslf. plain and simple. you are being so sweet and amazing for learning and doing it for him, so i can see why you upset. im sorry :(
I am so glad FI will learn how to iron in boot camp LOL....
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