Post # 1
I don’t know why I’m this mad because I never get this mad, but I can’t sleep so I’m going to vent and hopefully that helps. Basically I need to know if I’m being crazy or if my feelings are valid. So I was out tonight with a girlfriend of mine tonight at this movie screening that was really fun. FI stayed home by himself because he was tired. I had a great time all night but when he picked me up from the train station my Darling Husband seemed a little pissy.
First of all he just didn’t seem to care to talk about the screening (which was awesome. everyone should see red tails when it comes out) which is fine… no big deal. THen we get home and he wanted to watch the last 20 minutes that he had been watching… also no big deal. So I get on my lap top. I was looking around at places to buy a skirt suit at a reasonable price because I need one and am going to buy one tomorrow. After the movie is over he puts on a tv show and I kept looking at stuff on my laptop because I wasn’t done yet.
For some reason he doesn’t like it when I’m on my laptop and he thinks I should be watching TV with him. It’s so bizarre. Like I get if we’re going to talk to each other or hang out but who cares if you’re staring at the tv and i’m look at the laptop… i just dont see a difference. so basically he gets irritated about it sometimes.
For some reason tonight it sent me over the edge… I’m trying to do something productive so I can use my time well tomorrow and he just makes this comment. He’s like you’re just like your mother you’re on your laptop all the time and you ignore everyone. That pissed me off. First of all that’s not true. Had he said he wanted to hang out/talk I would have gotten off pretty quickly. He did not say that… only this freakin snide comment.
Secondly, that’s something I confided in him about because it bothers me and it really bothers my dad. My mom has carpel tunnel now because she won’t get off the damn technology after work. The fact that he would just throw that in my face in an attempt to manipulate me into doing what HE wanted me to instead of communicating like an adult really made me mad. It was just out of left field and completely uncalled for.
So basically I let him no that it was not okay for him to say that and got ready and went to bed. He acted like I was crazy for doing this. Then he comes in and tries to spoon with me like everythings fine. Doesn’t say a thing about it. So anyways I came out on the couch because Im pissed and I can’t sleep. He asked me where I was going and I told him the couch because I didn’t want to sleep in there. (I sleep on the couch a lot because I RLS and I sleep better with my legs elevated) He didn’t say anything else to me. Am I crazy and just overreacting or is that totally not okay? Because I feel like it’s not okay and he owes me an apology.
Post # 3
You aren’t overreacting, it was harsh of him to use something you find upsetting just to make you feel bad when you aren’t doing anything wrong. Just make sure he understands why you are upset, it seems like maybe he doesn’t realize you are really upset since you sleep on the couch anyway sometimes (I know when I pretend to not be upset and then later freak out my Fiance wishes I would have been straight with him in the first place)
Post # 4
Maybe its his time of month?
Seriously tho… He maybe having something stressful on his mind or feeling unhappy but not communicating effectively. I wouldnt take it personally.. Try being sweet and concerned and asking if there is something up at work or with friends – dont make it about you because it probably isnt.
*hugs* Everything is ok.
Post # 5
well he knows Im mad because I wouldn’t let him spoon me but he may not know how mad since like you said i usually sleep on the couch… the thing thats really annoying it that hes probably in there sleeping like a baby… he falls asleep fast no matter what… and im out here by myself upset… so annoying for someone with sleeping problems
Post # 6
I’m so sorry! Squabbles like this do stink It is best to take a deep breath and when everyone is level headed, talk it out !
It’s nice that your husband wanted to spoon with you, men are very phsyically expressive and In my opionon its his way of saying sorry and wanting to forget about it. It also seems like your husband wants dedicated time with you!
Remember, that its best not to let the sun go down on your wrath! aka don’t go to bed angry with each other 😉 Cherish every moment. If something were to happen to him, you would long and wish for just one more night of spooning or what not. I know it sounds corny and overboard for you situation, but both my husband and I’s mothers were widowed and they always express how precious life is together. Let the small things slide!
Post # 7
@shadowz: lol it probably is… he seriously has those… he is in law school but the rankings just came out and he’s at the top so I don’t know what he was stressed out about… i honestly think he’s cranky because he was home by himself tonight. i guess he was expecting to hang out when I got home… but how was I supposed to know he wanted to hang out at 1 in the morning… i thought he was tired!
Thanks for commenting though guys… i feel like im starting to calm down a little.
Post # 8
I dont think you are overreacting. he should not have said that about your mom. However, I can relate to how he feels about the laptop thing. Darling Husband and I are usually in seperate rooms (him in his office and me in the living room/kitchen). In the unusual times that we are in the living room together watching TV or a movie he has to have his laptop out doing other stuff. If we decide to watch a movie or TV together I want to do that. I dont want to do that by myself while he plays on his laptop. Its extremly annoying. This used to cause fights between Darling Husband and I. Honestly, he wont stop so I just get over it.
So, I can relate to how yoru SO feels. And it is actually really sweet that he feels this way. He wants your attention, he wants to do things with you. Try to remember that. He still should not have said that since your moms case though. That was wrong… I am sorry that he said that. When I get so upset that I cannot sleep I usually take some melatonin or have a glass of wine and than go to bed when I cannot stop fighting sleep. Def dont go lay in bed mad, it will make you even more mad! Good luck honey! I hope you guys talk about this in the AM.
Post # 9
@Eva Peron: that’s a good point I didn’t take that as a way of saying sorry at all… i took it as i don’t think i did anything wrong so i’m going to act like everything is normal.
And I do love that he likes spending time with me… I just kind of thought we were about to go to bed and it wasn’t hang out time. I was more mad about the way he handled it then the fact that he wanted me to get off the laptop. I’ve accepted the fact that he thinks tv time is like sacred and that we should not do anything else during. I’m fine with that. It’s just that I wasn’t watching TV with him. He was watching a movie I hadn’t seen the first three fourths of and then suddenly he was watching a TV show that I didn’t realize I was supposed to be watching and got mean about it.
We’ll definitely talk about it in the morning. We’re the type that when we get into a disagreement late like this it pretty much gets tabled until the next day. We are way more likely to fight dirty if we’re tired. I just know from experience that for us it’s better to leave it until we’re rested and can use our brains and have a calm discussion.
I think we just both happened to be moody on the same day when it comes down to it. I know this isn’t like a huge deal in the grand scheme of our relationship but it really did help to vent. I kind of want to go wake his ass up and talk about it now but I pretty much know how that will go 🙂
Post # 10
@emilygrace07: yeah, its probably best to wait until the morning…
Post # 11
It seems like there is something else bugging him. Perhaps, though he was tired, he felt left out about not joining you at the screening. Perhaps there is another reason he was tired. From what you say, it sounds like he really wants to be involved together with you in, experiencing something with you where you’re both focused on the same thing and commenting on it together, even if it is just watching tv together as opposed to doing separate activities in the same room. I do think it was uncalled for when he make that snide remark comparing you to your mother, but I think his comment was rooted in something else and it is worth getting to the bottom of it.
I know my Darling Husband and I can get our signals crossed when we’re involved in separate activities. He’ll be doing one thing, I’ll get on the computer waiting for him, then he will get on the computer for me, and before you know it we’re both so involved in our separate things that we’re not communicating with each other “hey, I’m waiting for you” and then we’re upset at one another. Silliness, but it happens. So sometimes just reaching out to the other and saying what you’re doing and why helps.
Last, I don’t see the whole “don’t go to bed angry” concept as something couples must do every time there is a late night argument. Sometimes it is best to wait until daylight when both parties are refreshed and thinking more clearly before something is discussed/resolved. Of course if we’re tired, things are said that we really don’t mean or it takes longer to resolve something because we’re so wrapped up in the emotion of it all in the moment on top of our fatigue. When is it better to go to bed, and when is it better to stay up and work it out? Hard to say, but hopefully as you grow as a couple you can better gauge what’s what.
Hang in there. Be gentle with yourself and with him, even though it is hard. Get to the bottom of it. Ask questions.
EDIT: LOL, In the time it took me to type this, I see you’ve already come to pretty much the same conclusions. Try to get some sleep and good luck working it out tomorrow. Breathe. 🙂
Post # 12
Darling Husband hates when I browse the net while watching TV with him.. he says it doesnt count as quality time if we are doing different things :p
Post # 13
I HATE when Fiance uses his phone when we’re watching TV together! I totally see where he’s coming from. Sorry!
Post # 14
@emilygrace07: You sound just like me! I get soooo mad when my husband falls asleep when I’m upset or pissed at him. I wanna just pinch him.
My husband hates when I go on my laptop while we’re watching tv, but he also hates when I talk during tv hahaha, so it has to be quality quiet time on his terms I guess. It’s definitely annoying and rude, but at least it came from him wanting to spend time with you. My parents have this same issue all the time. My dad would sew himself to my mom’s hip if he could and he gets a little jealous and intrusive when she wants to spend time with her friends. I tell her to quit whining because a lot of women wish their husbands wanted to hang out with them so much! But I see where you’re coming from. He shouldn’t have snapped at you like that and hopefully this morning he’ll apologize… (with a coffee?) and you guys can move on. I hope you slept ok after all that!
Post # 15
Sounds like he wanted to snuggle with you and watch a show and you were on your computer. Is it possible he was indicating this and you missed his cues because you were on the computer?
Have a talk with him about your computer use and what he would like you to be doing and strike a compromise. For example, if he wants you to hang out and watch tv with you, it has to be one of your shows half the time. You could also cuddle up with him and have your laptop brightness dimmed.
It sounds like he’s not communicating well but yes, you’re overreacting. This isn’t a big deal.
Post # 16
Have you ever read Five Love Languages or seen the Love and Respect videos? Maybe those are things you both could do together..they are very helpful with giving men and women ways of knowing each other better