Post # 1
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
He’s always been a gamer. I’ve known this. But, it seems like it’s gotten worse in recent months. I know a lot of you have seen my thread about him wanting to spend entire Saturdays LARPing with his buddies, and we came to a compromise about that one that seems to work fairly well.
My question is, for you bees, have your gamer husbands ever calmed down on the gaming? Right now it’s incessant. He’s home from work this week but it really doesn’t make a difference because he spends hours upstairs playing Eve, and he has this new game going in the background on his iPhone.
After I was done at the gym, and had dinner and talked to my sister, I was waiting for him to spend some time together, and the first thing he reached for when we were sitting down was his iPhone. What gives!? And of course, if I am busy or I don’t feel like doing what he is doing, he whines at me. Why on earth is he acting like SUCH a child? This isn’t the man I fell in love with. It’s some kind of annoying man-child.
Post # 3
@sherryberry: I have a gamer husband, and no it hasn’t let up, however, I’m a gamer so it’s not an issue. I think you can either start gaming with him, or get a different hobby for yourself; but trying to get someone to stop doing something they enjoy can always cause stress in a relationship.
Post # 4
@sherryberry: I am sorry you are feeling neglected! We have a rule in my house that when you walk through the door the phone is turned offf. I know a lot of people can’t do this but we have managed to survive without them in the evenings.
As far as the gaming, my hubby has always loved them and probably always will. I had this problem a couple of years ago. I sat down one day, learned how to play his games and am now better then him at most of them. It kind of took the allure away for some reason! Also when we are bored it’s nice to be able to play together.
I hope it helps and you find something that works for you! Guys are silly sometimes and as lifelong man children they need our guidance 🙂
Post # 5
My SO is a huge gamer. It has become less of a problem now that we live together, but it was a major problem when we lived at our parents’ houses. When I would come over was obviously some of his only time off from work and school. Of course he wanted to play games, but that was also the only time I got to see him. Now that we live together he usually just plays when I’m not around. If we have a day off together we usually try to get out of the house or hang out with each other while not playing games. It’s also helped that we’ve found a few games to play together even though I’m about the opposite of a gamer. Usually on his day off I’ll give him a list of things I’d like to be done, and as long as he gets them done I really don’t care if he spends the other 10 hours of his day playing games!
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
My dh loves his gaming. WoW nearly broke us up in 2008,mand even before that, he spent Friday nights playing Magic. Well, we had lots of talks back then about balance. He was pretty open to quitting Magic… WoW took some time, but that ended. Now he plays video games, but not nearly as much as he used to. He’ll play for an hour, and once I tell him that hour has elapsed, he’s happy to save and come spend time with me. We have a baby now, so time is even more precious. She goes to bed at 7 or 8, so we each take an hour to what we want separately, and then come together.
so yes…. It’s possible the gaming will become more manageable. This doesn’t bother me because I feel he respects me and values our together time, but it’s ok for him to have his hobbies.
oh also, we play board games together. Game plus together time equals yay! Ha
eta… Back in the day, we also instituted no computer days. I’d get two each month and be able to use them whenever. It applied to all games.
Post # 7
@beetee123: I am also the opposite of a gamer! Would you share which games you have found to be fun to play together?
Post # 8
@sherryberry: when my guy and I first met, he was a pretty big gamer, but now he plays maybe an hour or two every couple of weeks.
He stopped playing games around the time we moved in together because things just got in the way. Making dinners and lunches, doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, paying bills, going to the gym, etc. Once our basic responsibilities are done, he either wants to go out for a drink or just watch a movie with me at home. In the rare instance that he wants some alone time, then he plays videogames or reads a book.
I’ve never encouraged or discouraged his gaming. It’s a total non-issue, and he’s been sensitive enough to make sure it doesn’t affect the time we have together.
Post # 9
I don’t have much experience with this – my DH owns a playstation and will sometimes buy a new game and play a bit each day for a week of so then he’s over it. Hasn’t used it in a long, long time. From my outside perspective – the non-stop playing for hours doesn’t sound like its just a hobby, it starts to sound like an addiction and pretty unhealthy. You sound like a tremendously patient woman, yet it is still taking a toll on your marriage.
Post # 10
He’s still gaming the same amount. We’ve been together for 8 years, and he’s in his 30’s. I also am a gamer, and neither of us choose games over quality time. It’s also an activity we can do together. We don’t have any issues when it comes to games. If we are having a date night, for example, we unplug. Neither of us are the people you see on their phones while eating out.
Post # 11
If your DH was gaming when you met, you really can’t expect that to change. Maybe he will game less over the years as new things peak his interest, but you should not hold your breath for him to stop. I’m watching a girl slowly destroy her marriage because she expected her hubby to stop gaming once they were married. Please don’t be that girl.
My FI and I are both gamers. We use to LARP every Saturday. It didn’t change because one of us decided that the other had to stop. It changed because we both lost interest in every Saturday. At the same time, we keep looking at possibly going back when we are done with the wedding planning. We want to find a table top game or something to occupy our time.
Post # 12
@sherryberry: I have a gamer husband who is considering joining a professional team so no, it has not let up. My husband does online games and I support it because he LOVES it so much! I have my own hobbies and would be frusterated if he ever tried to slow them down because he didn’t find them interesting. We schedule time together and never let the other feel neglected.
Maybe you can try and join him or find a hobby yourself? You can totally talk to him about this but I would make sure he understands that you won’t be taking it away completely.
We have a no phone dinner rule and also must watch our shows together every other night. We have also learned to understand that sometimes our partner really needs us so if one of us in being “whiny” we ask how much longer we can have to do our own thing. I let DH play for as long/often as he wants so he pays attention when I ask for a little attention.
We also have a go to bed together rule 🙂
Post # 13
and THIS is exactly why the first thing I looked for when I go into a guy who I’m dating’s house is a gaming system!
OP – I think you need to have a frank discussion with him about his gaming habits and come to an agreement on time restrictions/when it is appropriate/not appropriate to be gaming/on his phone. If he wants to act like a child, I guess you’ll have to treat him like one.
Sure, you knew he was a gamer when you got involved with him, but at the same time your needs shouldn’t come second to his games.
Post # 14
We just started playing WoW together – he was so excited I would play it with him that he promised to only play when I play, so it only happens on evenings I choose. Fixed!
Post # 15
My husband started a small business where he makes custom board games and accessories and it’s quite successfull, so no, it hasn’t let up. If anything, he’s more into games now then he used to be.
I don’t mind. I play a lot of games with him ( board games ). And he rarely plays video games, only maybe once a week. We still have a lot of quality 1-1 time together, and plus his side business makes a nice extra chunk of change for our household, so how can I complain?
Post # 16
My FI is a gamer (computer, console, Magic, and Warhammer). Honestly, it won’t “let up” unless there’s a major change in our circumstances. For example, we’ve already talked about what will have to change when we have children. He understands he won’t be able to devote nearly as much time to his games as he does now once there are kids in the picture.
Even though I have virtually zero interest in gaming myself (I will occasionally play a console game with him, like something from the LEGO franchise because I am hopeless at anything requiring more skill), I have to remind myself that this is his hobby, just like how I spend a lot of time with my head buried in a book or poring over my makeup collection or bird-watching. That said, I do get on his case when the games start overtaking his other obligations (like chores or homework). He’s sheepish but understanding when this happens; he knows he can get sucked in and lose track of everything else. He also knows that it’s not OK to play with his phone when we’re eating a meal – honestly, that’s disrespectful.
And finally, I put an absolute prohibition on his ever playing WoW ever again in any capacity whatsoever. Before we started dating, WoW took over his life to the point that he dropped out of school, and I told him that it’s essentially a deal-breaker should he ever get back into it. It’s too dangerous for him. Knowing this, he talks with me before starting to play any similar games. This sounds really control-freak of me, but I honestly think it’s kind of a relief to him. He knows what happened the last time he played WoW, and he doesn’t want it to happen again any more than I do, so my feelings help him “stay strong.”