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Some couples choose to do one or the other, rather than both/neither.
We skipped both, but we skipped a lot of traditions.
Maybe you can add a modern touch, so that way it would be a little more fun?
I've heard of brides attaching lotto tickets or little trinkets to them, so that way the winner gets something extra for participating.
We'll be doing it but more because we have plenty of crazy friends who we're sure would enjoy the chance to act like idiots, lol.
We are SO doing the garter because of the gown I'm wearing. It'll be peaking through the whole time due to a slit up to the thigh (I'm VERY untraditional, lol). So, we figure if we do one, might as well do the other. I know that it will be done in a fun sort of way and not as a way to single out all the single people.
There are lots who do it and lots who don't, it all depends on the couple.
i've known since i was 17 years old that on my wedding day, i would definitely NOT do the traditional garter/bouquet toss thing. that year, my best friend's mom got remarried. it was a smallish wedding and there were few single people there. i caught the bouquet, and the bride's 12 year old son caught the garter.
and they still made us follow through. *blush*
it was awkward and inappropriate and at that moment i made the decision never, ever to put my friends and loved ones through it. tradition be damned!
that being said, if you love the tradition i think you should do it. if you don't, i wouldn't. people rarely seem to notice the things we do or do not do with regard to tradition, if we ourselves don't call attention to it. at least that's been my experience. :)
@Juliet: Huh... never heard of making the pair who catch the garter and bouquet "follow through". Every wedding I've been to that did this just left it with everyone joking about who caught what. Or they only did the bouquet toss.
Personally, I'd say that was plain out mean and inconsiderate. I doubt that EVERYone does that but I can understand why you wouldn't want to do it.
For what it's worth, I don't think any of our friends ever heard of what @Juliet mentioned. Not saying our friends wouldn't use it as an excuse (depending on who did the catching, lol).
FI and I will not be doing the garter/boquet toss, I'm not one for tradition and I don't like being the center of attention. We are having a laid back/country reception anyway so I don't think anyone will notice if we skip this step.
I really am not into the garter and bouquet toss. Our wedding is going to be overall very traditional but we are not incorporating those traditions into our wedding.
Every wedding I've been to, girls roll their eyes at having to get up there and fight for the bouquet and it is especially akward when older single women are forced to participate as well.
Some girls have a blast fighting for the bouquet. I know when I was a kid I did. Beyond a certain age, it sucks to go to weddings and catch grief for being single. Getting shoved onto the floor for the bouquet toss makes it worse.
You could still do some sort of toss, but switch up the symbolism and eliminate the part where your new hubby goes down on you in front of all of your guests so that people could still enjoy the custom without anyone being forced out of their dignity.
I don't think we will have it, mainly because at almost every wedding I've been to where they do it, it's been awkward. At one, a teenage girl caught the bouquet and the DJ was trying to make the bride have a do-over. Of course, that was more the DJ's fault, but it still made it an awkward situation.
I voted that i did not have it, but thats no really true.
I dont like the idea of DH climbing up under my dress infront of his 90 yr old grandmother and i didnt like the diea of making my single friends come up and wrestle for my boquet. So we took a silk boquet and a garter, attached lottery tickets to both and then threw those instead...everyone loved it. We got the DJ to announce that anyone who "wants to get lucky" should come up. I now have some great pics of my aunt trying to grab the boquet!! :)
We’re not doing either toss. I really just don’t like the traditions. As a single woman at weddings, I always hated being called out to the center of the dance floor to announce that I was unmarried. That is not my idea of fun. Then, god forbid I actually caught the bouquet (which has happened twice), being forced to have some strange dude put a garter on my leg is just the definition of awkward. Besides, 95% of our guests are married so it wouldn’t really make sense anyway.
In lew of the bouquet toss we’ll be doing an anniversary dance. All married couples will be called to the dance floor for a slow dance. A few seconds into the song, the DJ will announce that anyone who has been married for a day or less to sit down (obviously we’ll sit). Then he’ll announce for those who have been married for less than 2, 5, 10, 15, 20, etc… to be seated throughout the song until we’re left with the couple who has been married the longest (who, if my calculations are right, will be my grandparents). That couple will be given my “toss” bouquet as well as a gift certificate to a local restaurant.
@Baileyh: "Getting Lucky" idea is cute. I'm getting married in Vegas. Maybe I can toss a chip on something.
We did both, and I'm glad we did! We have a lot of fun friends who didn't make it awkward at all. The couple who caught both were great sports, and I'm so excited that they're even getting married now!
I think it depends on your crowd. If there are a lot of single people who just plain don't know each other, of course it's going to be awkward. If all the single people are friends and good sports, it can be a blast - so to each their own!
We skipped them both, but not because they're tacky or outdated. We just had no interest in doing either--we wanted more time to dance, instead of having to break up the party and have people sit while we did the tosses.
No offense to anyone who is doing the garter/bouquet toss. But i personally cant stand them. Especially the removal of the garter, I find it really odd to do that infront of so many people. I also find it weird that some random guy is gonna be holding the garter thats been on my thigh all day.
The bouquet toss is just bit outdated and unncessary, plus alot of single girls hate being forced to go up there. I always hated this
I decided I'd never, ever do the garter toss when, at age 14, I caught the bouquet at my mom's best friend's wedding and a 30 or 40-something man caught the garter. They made us "follow through" and although the guy only put it around my ankle, it was still SO awkward and creepy. I've also seen one too many tacky (yes, I said it) garter retrievals involving the groom burrowing under the bride's dress.
And the bouquet toss is outdated and offensive in that not all single women are desperate to get married.
Rather than doing the bouquet toss, we took a cue from another bee and at the appropriate time in the night that one would normally have the toss, we are going to say thank you to the woman who introduced us by giving her the bouquet. I feel like this is a nice way to honor tradition without calling out the approximately 4 single women that will be at our event.
That being said, I think the bouquet toss is kinda like your Dad walking you down the aisle. Yes the roots of the tradition are not exactly feminist-approved, but it has been done so many times over the years that if you want it at your wedding and your single girlfriends are good sports, then I say go for it.
On the other hand -- and please don't take offense if you did this because I'm sure it can be tastefully done somehow -- but I've never seen a garter retrieval that didn't creep me out.
We didn't do a garter or bouquet toss and I don't regret my decision at all. I think both traditions are tacky. Not one single person criticized us for skipping these traditions. In fact, several girls thanked me for not having the bouquet toss.
We're skipping both. I don't want FI crawling up my dress in front of my entire family and I love my bouquet way too much to give it away. My florist throws in a free toss bouquet so instead I get an extra arrangement (yea!)
We did it but changed it up! I also don't like the "singled out single people" so we invited everyone out! It was funny to see some of my married family members out there trying to catch the bouquet, married or not, they got into it!
Also to make it more fun, we had lottery tickets given to the winners :)
Plus if we didn't do these, I woldn't have this pic of my husband, which I love! haha!
@Zinzerena: A lot of weddings, the guy who catches the garter has to put it on the leg of the woman who caught the bouquet. Pretty awkward if there's an age difference.
I really don't care either way if we do it or don't do it.
All of my friends are still single though and I plan on asking my girlfriends if they want to do the bouquet toss.
FI's friends are really excited about the garter toss!
We're not doing either...I always felt forced to do the bouquet toss at other people's weddings and hated doing it, and I don't really want my fiance's head up my skirt in front of my entire family. I think we'll live without it. 
We're doing it. My FI has never been to any wedding where they were done and they have been done at every wedding I've been to. Its just a fun tradition. It all depends on how you do it. In my family no one has to "follow through", the people who catch the garter and bouquet take a picture holding them with the bride and groom. No on is forced to participate, and it is usually pretty funny to me and not uncomfortable.
But its not a requirement and you dont have to do it if its not you thing. It amazing to me how so many people on the bee feel its necessary to call things tacky just because they dont like them, like the garter toss and dollar dance. Its cool if you dont like it but its not cool to put things down that other bees might be doing or that may be important to them. But thats just my opinion.
@AnnieAAA: I love the idea of involving all the guest and not just the single ones. I may just have to do that :)
I LOVE the idea of giving the bouquet to the woman who introduced us! What a clever idea! Thanks so much for the input ladies! :)
I selected I feel it is outdated/tacky, although I don't really feel that way, I just didn't have it at our wedding.
My DH and I have always hated the awkward, "I'm single, I have to go up to try to catch something I really don't want to catch", so we just decided to skip it at ours.
I don't think it's tacky, but it wasn't our thing!
@mzlouis2b: I think it's OK to call things tacky (or whatever) when someone is looking for opinions as they plan their wedding. If I'm planning to do something that offended as many people as the garter toss and I didn't realize it, I wouldn't want people to pretend otherwise. Even if I decided that I loved it and was doing it anyway, I wouldn't want to be blindsided with criticism after the fact. (I don't think it's cool to offer criticism on stuff that is a done deal...THAT is the time to shut up, IMO.)
The site would be totally useless if brides who are concerned about how a tradition might be received by her guests only heard rosy reviews while everyone that would be bothered by it kept mum.
It's "our day", but really I think most of us want our guests to have fun and feel respected. What traditions will make your guests feel that way is something that you'd know better than strangers on this board, but the opinions shared here can help too.
We won't doing the garter toss, mostly because I don't like being the centre of attention and neither does my SO. I'll still be getting a garter though, I think it could look really pretty in a picture or two (:
We will be doing the bouquet toss but with a twist. I always found I was too shy to fight for the bouquet at other people's weddings but I still wanted to catch it. Just incase we have guests like that I'm going to be throwing tulips that are bunched together but not fashioned into a bouquet. That way when I toss the "bouquet" everyone will be able to get a flower as a surprise.
I apologize if anyone was offended by the term "tacky." That was not my intention with this post. I did not deem the tradition tacky simply because I do not like it. I have my reasons for feeling that way, as you have your reasons for feeling that it is an important part of a wedding. We are all entitled to our opinions. I am sure there are many people who will feel that certain aspects of my wedding are "tacky" but it is our day, it is what we want, and we will not get defensive because of another person's viewpoint.
@Melini: Im all about getting opinions, I just think there is a better way of saying that you think guests will be offended then saying something is "tacky". I totally agree that you shouldnt just get rosy reviews, but there is a more tactful way of giving an honest opinion. I think i just have beef with that word.
@BridalBlondie: I know that was not your intention with the post. And im sure no part of your wedding is "tacky" ;)
I have honestly never seen a garter toss, or heard of one before I came on here!!
But I do love a bouquet toss - but then at weddings I've been part of it's been a "all women - married or single" sort of thing, which was fun when a married woman caught it so her husband re proposed to her for a joke!
I'll be doing a all in bouquet toss after my speach!
(just a though but why not just do a bouquet toss for the kids - because in my experience 10 year old girls tend to love fighting for a bouquet - and then maybe some sweets for the boys?)
We are doin the garter and bouquet toss. I never heard of the "follow through" aspect of it. I agree there is a better word out there than "tacky" I really get offended by the word because to me that is saying that my wedding will be tacky because I am doing these traditions.
Honestly everyone has their own traditions and that is one we are doing this one.
ok please dont kill me but i saw an episode of four weddings where when the couple went to do the garter toss the groom didnt put his head under the brides dress, but made an attempt to find the garter and pulled out things like a combination lock, handcuffs, a mousetrap, you get the picture. i dont want him to pull my garter off with his teeth or anything like that, but i thought this idea would get a good laugh. does anyone find it funny, or weird? we are a really goofy couple and most of our family is laid back and easy going. i think it will be a huge hit, and best of all, my normally shy FI loves the idea!
We did it and it was a lot of fun! Most singe ladies like wrestling over the bouquet, and I know a lot of our guests would have been disappointed if we didn't have it. It was just one of those fun things you do :) But I made a toss bouquet out of faux flowers because I didn't want to give up my bouquet, lol!
Either way I'm sure nobody will be too bothered. Do what you and FI feel is best :)
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I am going back and forth about having the Garter and Bouquet toss. I am leaning more towards not having it, because my fiance' and I are not really a "traditional" type couple. Going to weddings as an unmarried female, I always hated going out on the floor in front of everyone and being "singled out" as everyone watches a bunch of women fight over a bundle of flowers. For some reason, it always felt tacky and cheesy to me. However, I know this is a beloved tradition for many brides and guests, just not my personal preference. My fiance' and I have talked it over, and he is fine with not having the tosses. I, on the other hand, am worried that some of our family members who are more wedding traditionalists will be a little put out that we do not do this. Are there any other brides who have decided to forgo the garter and bouquet toss? If so, was it met with critisism? Did you regret not having it? Do you plan on doing this for your wedding?