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Also...if I opt NOT to do it, do you think I will look back and miss it? Or will I enjoy those extra minutes on the dance floor??
I was kind of neutral on the whole tossing situation as well. We did it because I had a few friends who were DYING to catch the bouquet to send their boyfriends a pretty big hint, and it was ok... could have lived without it though.
i'm in the same boat. i don't want him up my skirt in front of a bunch of people because he's such a ham and i think i'll be annoyed and i just don't really have that many female friends that are all that interested in catching the bouquet, plus i don't want to have to make a second throwing bouquet anyway.
i'm interested to find out what people suggest, instead of the tosses
@smitten_and_giddy: haha I second everything you said! I was just reading about people tying gift cards for spa services or cash to the bouquet/garter to get people enthusiastic about it, but again, that doesn't deter from him having to lift up my skirt. I don't know...... :-/
I think you should only incorporate those elements that you really want, and if the tosses aren't one of them, don't bother!
I'm biased, but I think that you will absolutely not miss it or regret it if you don't do it. When you see women reminiscing about their favorite parts of their wedding days, you will hear things like "our vows," "walking down the aisle," "first dance," "dancing with my friends," etc. I've never heard anyone talk about the bouquet toss like that!
I have personally never enjoyed the tosses at any wedding I've ever been to. I wouldn't describe it as "tacky" because lots of people love it, but it does single out (see what I did there?) those who aren't married in a way that not everyone appreciates.
It seems clear to me from what you wrote that you don't even want to do it, so why not just skip it? From what you're saying it sounds like the only reason you'd want to do it (or think you'll miss it when looking back on the day) is because you feel that it's "supposed" to be done, and that's a bad reason to do anything. Don't do it if it doesn't mean anything to you, or if you think it'll be uncomfortable!
If a garter toss and bouquet toss are important to someone, I would never begrudge them the experience. The weddings I've been to, they seem to always occur just when people are getting into dancing and having a good time, creating a lull. I'm skipping them and going to either preserve my bouquet or quietly present it to an elderly relative.
I'm sorta on the fence about this, and I think I will probably decide based on the number of single...
Strangely enough, most of my FH and I's friends are already living together, married or probably not getting the +1 for a date unless their in a solid relationship where we know the other (married, engaged, or dating several years and we both know them as a couple friends.)
That said - I don't think right now there are going to be a lot of single men or women at our wedding. If that's the case - I don't plan on doing a toss.
We had agreed from the start to skip the garter b/c we both think it's awkward. I didn't want to do the bouquet toss either, but my mom insisted it was a cute tradition and the toss bouquet was free from our florist so I said I would do it. Then, we were having so much fun at the wedding that we totally forgot to do it! oops! I really don't think anyone noticed or missed it.
We didn't do either one because we didn't want to for reasons similar to those some of you have mentioned. I don't regret the fact we skipped them; we had a blast and no one missed them.
I don't think the traditions are archaic or tacky, though; I certainly wouldn't judge anyone who included them at their reception.
I am not doing a garter toss cos' the history of it makes NO sense in modern applications in my situation, it actually is kind of creepy to me. So I nixxed it. =)
Tossing the wedding garter is an old time held tradition. It is said that in the days gone past, the bride and groom had to show proof of their wedding consummation. In order for it to be proven, it was common tradition to have people like family and friends come into the room with the couple. The "witnesses" would obtain the garter as "proof" of the consummation. Also having any article of the under garments was considered to be good luck so sometimes things would get out of hand in the newly wed's bedroom as crazed onlookers snatched at clothing to get for good luck. This was not appreciated much by the bride nor many grooms, hence the groom started tossing the garter out so that no one would need to obtain it themselves.
I would do what is best for your group of friends and family. Some friends and family really look forward to it, while others, like our friends, are older and for the most part married. I had a total of 2 single friends at our wedding.
You could always ask around to your guests and get a general feeling.
In my opinion the garter and bouquet toss are done mainly for fun and laughs. You know your guests... will there be a lot of singles there? would they have fun with it? If you want to do it and you think your friends would enjoy it, go ahead!
The way I've seen the garter toss done before is that the bride sits in a chair and the groom lifts one side of her dress, exposing only one of her legs up to her knee or so. Then he removes the garter. To me, that's not tacky. Now, if the groom went diving under the bride's skirt for 10 minutes, with grandma there watching... LOL!... that would be another thing. :D
We chose not to. I did wear a garter and got pics showing it to my hubby, but I didn't toss a bouquet. I had thought to maybe do a toss bouquet split into several parts with wishes or money attached to it for ANYONE to catch, but in the end it just was an extra cost and we decided against it.
My garter pics:
Nobody misses it if you dont do it IMO. It is very common where I am from though and we have a young fun crowd!! So we will do these because I think more than anything it will be fun to do fun to look back on and give the rest of the guests a laugh or two. Is it a little tacky.. But oh well for me its a fun tradition :)
Just to clarify...I only think it's tacky if it gets out of hand, if it becomes a little lewd, if you know what I mean. :-) I totally understand it being a fun tradition, and would never ever judge anyone who incorporates it into their wedding, because it can make for some awesome pics and laughs!! haha. I am just trying to consider the crowd I will have at the wedding (SUPER FUN people, however, mostly in relationships), and trying to consider my fiance (over the top, always starving for attention) so those are the reasons I'm thinking twice. Not to mention like some people said above, the lull it causes in dancing. Dancing is my MOST favorite part of the wedding, and I hate having to stop for various things here and there. So I think you all have helped talk this through for me!! haha thank you so much!! I definitely want to still wear a garter and get some pics in it though because I like the tradition of that! :-)
Happy Weddings, everyone! :-)
IF I did it, I would choose to remove the garter myself privately beforehand, and put it down my top or up my sleeve... then, when the time comes, say "here's one I removed earlier!" with a little flourish, and hand it over to the groom to throw.
If you're worried about it being unpopular with the lads, sew a few five pound notes into the lining and tell the lads that there's 20 quid there. Then they'll all fight over it, which could be quite funny!
Ugh... no garter/bouquet dances though... the opportunities for inappropriate pairings and embarassment abound! Perhaps ask the catchers to give a little bow and ask for some polite applause afterwards? depends if you're doing it for comedy value or not!
I like the idea of tying a giftcard or something to is like a prize. =)
I tossed the bouquet, but it was because last year I caught the bouquet THREE times! I tossed the first bouquet that I caught, so I was sort of "paying it forward".
We didn't make it a big deal, and we just did it when the younger people were on the dance floor and the older people were starting to leave. My photographer had even already left, so I don't have any pics! Oh well!
I saw onfour weddings they had a dance and the mc kept calling out anyone who has been marriedless then 5 yrs please sit down then 10, 15, 20 etc.... until the last couple was standing and gave the bouquet to the couple who has been married the longest.
You can do whatever you want but I LOVE it. My friend L caught the bouquet at her cousin's wedding. She got engaged 2 weeks later. I caught the VERY highly sought after bouquet at L's wedding. We got engaged 5 weeks later. Everyone is talking about catching my bouquet, how it's a hot ticket item haha. Oh and I think L's cousin caught it at a friend's wedding and got engaged within a few months too. It's a lot of fun as long as the groom doesn't get gross about the garter. I beat out about 15 single ladies for the bouquet. Sooo much fun.
At my brother's wedding, no one went for the bouquet or the garter. I was 19, so I didn't. I think the key is to ask the single ladies who will be going for it. When I asked around, I got answers like, "Oh it's SO on!"
I have no plan to do the boquet/garter toss and no regrets about not doing it. And its not because I think they are tacky. First, I don't think anyone will notice them missing. Second, as a single person, I absolutely despised being pushed out onto the floor to catch the bouquet. I stood out there feeling ridiculous for a minute while people tried to wrangle other girls, and I slipped away and hid in the bathroom. The next wedding where they had the bouquet toss, I had literally just left to go to the bathroom as I heard Beyonce singing "All the single ladies" and breathed a sigh of relief!
There will be hardly any single people at my wedding and I would never put people in a situation that I'd never want to be in.
I should clarify- the bouquet toss is best if you have a lot of people who are single and really outgoing or girls in relationships who aren't engaged but have been dating 2-3 years. When I caught the bouquet, FI knew he was going to be proposing in the next month or so and was cheering me on!
At our wedding, we had very few single ladies. What we did was tie a giftcard to the toss bouquet and have the DJ announce that there was a thank you gift from the bride and groom tied to the bouquet, and that ANYONE and everyone was supposed to come up, whether you were a guy, girl, single, married, whatever!! My parents said it was the best bouquet toss they had ever seen and that the floor was packed with people trying to get it! I loved it! We just didn't bother with the garter toss and I don't think that anyone missed it at all.
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Hey Bees,
Okay, so I am having a dilemma. I'm questioning whether or not to do the garter/bouquet toss. I was recently at a wedding, and they opted not to do it, and I never even missed it! I didn't realize they didn't do it until WEEKS later! The weddings I've been to in the past year or so who HAVE done it, it's been really awkward! NONE of the girls wanted to catch the bouquet, so they all obligatorily shuffled out to the dance floor, and watched the bouquet as it sailed through the air, only to land on the floor. And I think that having your Groom crawl up your skirt in front of your closest family and friends is just strange! I also have a fiance who loves the spotlight and will do anything for attention, so I worry that he will get a little carried away with it, and that would not only piss me off, but embarass me to no end.
So what do you think? Who has pulled off this tradition tastefully and full of fun? Any advice on taking a new spin on this tradition? What is your advice based on experience? Thanks!
TuscanBride