Gave a gift & was treated rudely. Parents- what would you do?

posted 4 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@mamadingdong:  i’m not sure about your situation, but i know when i was a kid my mother drove it into my BRAIN that i had to always say thank you and smile and gush when i received gifts – even the year my aunt gave me a package of underwear at family christmas. :p as a parent, i would have prepped him and said, we can return it, but call your aunt and tell her how much you appreciate her thinking of you.

Post # 4
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If this was me I would have made him take the skateboard to you and tell you since he was ungrateful he wouldn’t be accepting a gift from you at all, but my family is old school. 

Do his parents let him return things he recieves?  I don’t know if my 7 year old would know that is an option unless someone had told him that.  Hopefully she had a talk with him after he hung up the phone.  Sorry this happened to you!

Post # 5
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I bet she did tell him to be gracious, hence he said thank you, but unfortunately he was a little overly honest.  Kids don’t learn a whole lot of tact by 8.  However, if I was his mother I would gently talk to him about not hurting other people’s feelings and about being appreciative of the thought.  I think also that hs reaction might have been a bit better had he gotten a chance to initiate the call  or write you a thank you card, by you calling first (not that I think you were wrong to do so!) it may have put him on the spot a little bit. I imagine your sister will have a talk with him later though.

Post # 6
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@mamadingdong:  Oh wow, my parents would have not only been humiliated if I had said something like that, but they would have spanked my behind. Sure, kids are allowed to have preferences but they should also be taught to be appreciative by that age. My nephew would just move on to another toy, until his sister or one of his cousins got interested in it and then he would start playing with it out of spite.. lol.

Kids are so unpredictable and unappreciative these days, I have started just buying my nieces and nephews clothes, books and taking them out for experiences. They will remember that a lot longer than one more toy in the pile.

Post # 7
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@r_hink:  +1. There would be no gift, and there would be no gifts in the future. Gifts are just that – gifts. You don’t get a choice and should be gracious (especially children). What is this world coming to?

Post # 8
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t even get thank yous from my niece and nephews when I give them gifts. It’s a shame that a lot of kids are not trained in manners these days!

Post # 9
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

A lot of 8 year olds don’t have much of a filter yet.  However, if your sister overheard that she should have addressed it.  Not an acceptable way to “thank” someone for a gift.

Post # 10
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Oh my.

While I think you should have asked about his interests before you bought that, his response was totally not cool. I’d probably talk to your sister about it.

Post # 11
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Schatzie821:  

@eeniebeans:  I’m inclined to agree with both of you. I shudder to think what a little sh*t I was at that age, making faces when I opened up a present of an ugly sweater that I didn’t want at all. I would always turn to the giver and thank them, but there’s no way they didn’t see that initial disgusted face, and it took me years to learn not to do that anymore!!

Do you think your sister heard what he said to you? If so, hopefully she gives him a schooling on how NOT to be gracious when opening a gift … and if not, maybe you should mention it to her? I’m sure she doesn’t want her kid going around acting like an ingrate!

Post # 12
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee

@Schatzie821:  +1,  What the nephew said was hurtful, but he probably doesn’t understand why yet.  Kids that age don’t have much of a filter over what they say (I know I didn’t at that age).  This is a good opportunity for his parents to discuss why this may have hurt OP’s feelings, and hopefully it will be a lesson for the future.

Post # 13
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

wow. how does an 8 year old even know what returning a gift is? at 8, i had no idea what that meant. i wonder if your sister heard what he said. if i’d said that to someone, i would have been taken aside and my mother would have had some words with me. it’s rude. yes, children are honest and you have to take it with a grain of salt sometimes. but that’s just rude to say!

@MrsPanda99:  while i don’t 100% agree with this statement, i 60% agree with it. i would hold off on gifts for a while, but not forever. maybe until he could understand what was the problem? i feel like it’s mean to think that he needs a consequence for being so rude and ungrateful. but i also feel like he’s a kid, and he probably doesn’t understand what the big deal is.

Post # 14
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@colorofmyheart:  He must have gotten the idea that this was acceptable behaviour from someone. People need to be accountable for their actions, even kids. I definitely have no problem with confrontation though, so I can understand why some people would be hesitant because it’s family. For me, someone either adds value to my life or they don’t, family or not.

Post # 15
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

My grandmother taught me a very valuable life skill.  Every year for Christmas, my great aunt would send over a hideous sweater.  Every.Single.Year.  HIDEOUS.

Every year, I would write a thank you note that said something along the lines of “Dear great aunt, thank you so much for thinking of me this Christmas.  I really appreciate the sweater!”

Not once, ever, did I have to lie and say I liked it or that I would wear it.  However, I had to express my gratitude for the thought.

As a new parent, I plan to teach this same lesson to my daughter.  She won’t like every gift she ever receives, but she better damn well appreciate the fact that she got anything at all.

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