Gave it away, but want him back…need your help please!!

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

ayamfree2fly:  how old are you? Seems like you aren’t quite sure where you are at in life.. Settle down or keep fluttering around

Post # 3
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Whoa. I think a lot has happened in your relationship with him, you’ve had tons of ups and downs, and hunny, I don’t think the roller coaster is over. I think you are setting yourself up for some major heart ache. You’ve already been told that your bf may be a potential verbal abuser, and that can turn into physical abuse. Has he ever held things you’ve done wrong in the past over your head? Does he nit pick at you a lot? I feel like you sleeping with another guy, whether broken up or not, could totally turn into something he would try to hold over you. I don’t know if what you did was right. It was in a gray area. If he had done the same, how would you feel? I think you feel in your gut that this guy isn’t right for you, and you should probably listen. At the very least, this is not the right time for an engagement. If you can’t live with him now, what is going to change once you’re married? Ask yourself some questions. I know it’s hard to let go of something you love, but sometimes you need to. I don’t think there is a magic wand to make him trust you again. He either will, or he won’t. And if he won’t, but still proposes, there is a problem.

Post # 4
Member
7768 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Wow there’s a lot going on here. First of all- tackle me now passion isn’t a steady thing… It ebbs and flows and takes work. The kind of love a good marriage is based on isn’t just when you two are burning a whole through your pants… It’s a choice, a commitment. The passion waxes and wanes, the love respect and devotion stay. Even when you don’t feel like it- you commit to it. You make it happen. Your expectations are unrealistic in the passion department.

Also do you actually want to be with him? What the hell is the deal with the verbal abuse thing? It sounds like you’re too scared to start over and just decided to stay even though things aren’t right. It was too hard to breakup. That’s not a good reason to marry him.

Re the other guy, yeah you fucked up. If you truly actually wanted to marry your boyfriend you never in a million years would have done that. You wouldn’t even of had put a toe in to test the waters much less the full shebang. 

My advice to you, is to take it slowly, live seperately and decide if this is the man for you- and if that’s motivated out of love and hope or desperation and fear. If it’s the latter it’s time to cut it off. And for goodness sakes engagement and marriage shouldnt even be on the table till this is sorted. And you told us you’ve already been engaged to him once? That tumultuous-ness is a terrible sign. A huge red flag. 

Post # 5
Member
1277 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

I hope counseling brings the answers you are looking for.  

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